Confusion when "love" happens

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I would say that 70% of the time I prefer to be alone. The 30% however, accounts for much loneliness. I have extreme anxiety when around other people and typically do not engage in conversation with people unless they are the few people that I am close to. I do not go out of my way to meet new people or make friends because it takes me a very long time to get a read on a person (typically a year of knowing them). At times, the loneliness I feel is overwhelming. I don't do well with "feelings" and become very agitated and confused when things are not very clear cut. This is beginning to take form in my relationship. I enjoyed the company when we first began seeing each other. It was easy. No weird feelings getting in the way. But as happens in relationships, feelings developed. We have been together for a while, but I notice that what has happened in all past relationships is happening again. Once strong feelings begin to occur, I start to feel panicked and stressed. We have known each other for over a year, however we have only been "together" for about 7 months. I have a really difficult time reading his mood or whether he wants to have conversation. He is NT and is aware of my AS tendencies, the quirks, sensory issues, and he goes out of his way to make me feel as comfortable as possible in social situations. I really don't want to do anything overtly stupid to ruin this relationship. I find it easy to become frustrated enough with the feelings and the inability to understand them, to simply walk away from people. I don't want that to be the case this time around. I have never posted to a forum and have no idea what to expect from this, but I will mull over any suggestions anyone has for how to deal with this and get past it.

Are you in love with him? I am so jealous that you found someone that is in love with you and it's reciprocal.

Yes, I love him very much. I have been able to experience things with him that I had given up on ever experiencing with another person. I don't typically like to be touched, and I seem to be okay with it with him, for the exception of times when I am in sensory overload.

He sounds nice. Have you told him about this? Everything you wrote sounds reasonable. I genuinely believe that good communication is essential in a relationship. If he doesn't know you feel this way then he can't help.

I understand that feeling of getting panicked. I don't like new things. I feel like it can take time for me to adjust to things that others accept staight away. You're not the only person who has written on this forum about feeling overwhelmed by your feelings. So you are not alone. Feelings can be very confusing. I find holding hands a bit much to deal with, whereas I see people walking past me holding hands all of the time and I wonder at how it can be so comfortable for them.

Sorry I don't really have any more advice, I'm not so good at relationships myself, but I wanted to comment and give you a bit of encouragement because you sound stressed, but it sounds like you've met a good guy here.

While we do communicate well, I have not broached this subject with him. I don't even know how. When it comes to discussing my feelings about something I have a difficult time putting in order what and how I want to say it. It generally comes out sounding poorly thought out and disconnected. Plus I fear talking about it as I don't want it to sound as if I need to somehow "sterilize" the relationship or put a "structure" to it. I have no idea how to go about telling him what I need without making him feel as though we have to operate in a "mechanical" way. Grrrr as if a relationship with another person isn't already hard enough.

What I've quoted here. Tell him this. It makes sense. It's concise and to the point. You say what makes you uncomfortable, but you're not blaming him for it. You don't want to mess things up which shows that you care alot about him and shows that all you want to do is improve your relationship.

You know what your problem is, my dear? It's more simple than most of us on the spectrum make it out to be. There is a step before this step that you guys are talking about here, you can't talk about feelings until you've talked about difficulty understanding and expressing your own feelings.

So why don't you try this for me and see if it helps: tell him plainly that you have some trouble understanding what it is you're feeling and also even more trouble (if you're like me which you seem to be) expressing your feelings.

But here's a more specific suggestion that may or may not work for you at all, it is a method I used that I found extremely helpful with my ex wife: tell him that because of your difficulties with this you would like to write him a letter. It may be easier for you to think and communicate this way, as opposed to figuring out and talking about something confusing on the spot in what can feel like a high pressure situation. If it weren't for this method I wouldn't have even gotten married at all.

@Lukecash12: I have actually considered writing a letter. I am much better at putting things down on paper than I am at trying to verbally articulate how I feel. I am sure I will end up writing a novel, but its better than feeling locked inside my head.

Thanks to all who have responded to this post. It was encouraging