I'm 15 years old, in 10th grade.
I'm aware that relationships at this age are trivial- I just want to make the most out of it.
I have aspergers syndrome. I spend a very large amount of time online learning about boundaries and social signals, as well as male-female interactions.
I have bypassed a lot of the normal off-putting Aspergers traits- lecturing, being ignorant to body language, unable to talk to people about other subjects, through this research.
Note: I do not obsess over girls. It is not my obsession, that is modding video games.
This has left me acting like I have severe ADHD at basically all times: I talk very fast, move very fast, wear random things such as a bathrobe out in public "just 'cause", have a large vocabulary, I'm very smart. Also extremely confident... able to just approach anybody of any gender and strike up conversation, no matter the situation. It's very neat having all these advantages.
But all that together makes me seem as juvenile as I am interesting. Not a problem, mostly, I suppose.
I also spend more time on my hygiene than most people I know, girls included.
Anyways, I digress.
Despite that, there's a bit of a large problem. Keeping in theme with Aspergers being my defining personality trait, I don't react very well to intimate touch.
Hugs, dancing, etc, are all quite awkward for me. In fact, I have never legitimately hugged somebody.
The main purpose of this post, as you saw from the title, is that there's a girl. (surprise! a girl!)
Specifically, a girl who *seems* to be interested in me. She's also the girl who would be my first choice to start a relationship with that I know.
(note: not a crush, those are illogical and wouldn't work in reality.)
My lack of intimate/physical experience is really hurting me here. Things like her hugging me, or grabbing my hand, make me flinch. My subconscious' aversion to these things happening at random tends to make me seem very aloof when she asks to do things. ("Wanna come eat lunch with me outside?" (usually away from other people. But she's quite popular, so it never lasts long.) "Sure, if you insist.")
Speaking of that specific instance, I always eat different and weird things for lunch: Peas, Starfruit, Cinnamon Buns, a couple times a Banana Split. I've shared food with her several times, but whether that's simply because of my food being... odd, I don't know.
I love contact, and I used to be overly touchy while in elementary school, but the... extreme conditioning, I suppose, the teachers did has created a bit of a dangerous catalyst for wanton touching, which I'm afraid would ruin things. If things even exist, that is.
I used to get attached to people quite a bit, and subsequently stabbed in the back. There was a girl in 8th grade who liked me, but whenever we made arrangements, she was never available, or bailed at the last moment, et cetera, and I got tired of being stood up, and cut it.
It breaks all my respect for people when they lie to me. An example that people do: Make an excuse not to do something with me, when they're tired of spending time with me. They should be saying they just want to be alone for a bit, but they don't. They make an excuse, and lie. Usually I just cut them at that point, even though I know it shouldn't matter.
I'm basically just being too inactive. I believe this is mainly driven by my only recent recover in the area of "not touching people for no reason", and "not obsessing over people".
I don't know what crosses a boundary or not, or what comes off as overly attached or not.
The whole thing is really just her carrying everything, which due to the really confusing part being that she treats two other (neurotypical) guys similarly to me.
I don't know whether any of it, them or myself, is driven by platonic intentions or not. I'm constantly trying to make sure my judgement isn't clouded by projection, which was a massive problem in the past (see: I judge myself by my intentions, others by their actions), but it's starting to just make it even more complicated trying to figure out what the heck is happening!
She also doesn't use social media outside of the mobile phone-specific apps, and I don't have a mobile phone. So we've not had any contact outside a public school setting, in which I feel very uncomfortable talking about such subjects due to all the people around me.
We live 30 minutes away, and since we're both 15, neither can drive, so meeting outside of school has yet to happen. Nor have we exchanged phone numbers.
A lot of my friends are girls, probably ~7/10, several of which I wouldn't mind having a relationship with, but don't seem interested. I'm uncertain as to whether this is also what the girl in question is doing: Keeping her options open. (again, I realize this is high school. I also realize we're not 25.)
The kinda important things I've noticed:
We've not seen each other outside of school. In school, we share 2/5 classes. We were comparing schedules for next semester, and she sounded very excited to find out we share all our classes.
There was a dance on Halloween, I wasn't going, but she invited me to come with her, and we slow danced. (not full contact)
But she also danced with this other guy, who is basically the opposite of me: Average intelligence, athletic. He was with her in the blob in the center, while I was sitting off to the side, and she came to talk several times.
This is what really catalyzed me to seek external opinions.
We're both very smart, and she really enjoys arguing with me about just random things in general. I love arguing.
Her friends seem to be quite keen on us dating.
I have a very odd sense of humor, and sometimes people find me hilarious, other times they just smile politely, she seems oddly to find basically everything hysterical. But she laughs pretty easily, so I don't know.
She's also asked me several times if I'm interested in other girls, to which I've all replied "no", or "not at this moment", since it seemed like she was verifying that I'm not already busy with somebody else.
Despite her seeming to like other guys as much as me, she has no problems when I randomly usurp their spots to sit beside her in class. (see: Lying on the table)
The main reason why I'm asking about this situation, is because she's the first girl I've met that seems to genuinely care about me, as a person, in addition to being the first... person, of any gender, I've met that openly shares my ideals, and my interests. Mind games are also, to me, unacceptable, and thus far she hasn't shown any inkling of trying them.
So: I'm confused. Can anybody who bothered to read my slightly-formatted wall of text provide any insight?
Mainly I'd like to know what would be crossing boundaries in this situation, and how to judge whether or not something is intended platonically or not.
Should I just go right out and ask her whether or not she's interested in me, possibly "confessing" my interest in her? I also would like some advice on how to overcome my aversion to touch, and how to be a bit more decisive?
If need be, I have a knack for moving conversations into situations where getting a phone number, or asking if she's interested in me wouldn't seem weird.
Another possible problem, is that I don't get the good feels from being nice to people, unless I like that person intimately. I follow the "do unto others as you would have them do unto you", which makes me much nicer than your average person, but still.
I'm also constantly afraid of whether or not people are lying to me. I'm honest to a fault, and never understand why people make excuses. If a relationship begins, should I say that, to get it out of the way immediately?
Also, finally, she's aware that I have Aspergers, and I certainly wouldn't put it past her to research how to start a relationship with said type of person, because she's been doing all the right things, if that's her intention.
(whooee! This was a toughie to edit!)
03 Nov 2014, 10:29 pm
kraftiekortie gives good advice! A nice soda - what's so bad about that 
