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Do women want to start a serious relationship too quickly and men want to be friends for a bit first? This is the stereotype I've grown up noticing, but on WP the men seem to have noticed a different version of the world.

What do you think?

Doesn't match my preferences at least. Being friends first simply doesn't work at all for me. I want to observe her for some time first, but I don't want to be friends.

Yes, we men recognize the difference between an early lust and love better than you women! Men are waaay more likely to love friends than women while women label too quickly a date as "there's (or no) chemistry", we are the more romantic gender and take our time to love.

Seriously, this was my observation, stone me all you want ladies.

And I think the guy was really jerk for making this viewable on facebook, he could say it in a private message.

Don't know if sarcastic.

Nope, I am totally seriously, it's the impression I've got from zillioin of conversations with women and men about dating.

Women in general, they either like the guy A LOT on the first date or at the very beginning or it's never - men are way more likely to be willing to give a chance for a 2nd, 3rd date even if there's no to little feelings yet.

Also women tend to have a funny "countdown death system" : guy waited too long and asked her out (even if he was a potential in her eyes in the beginning)? Hell no! became a friend for a while then liked her and liked her with time and then asked her out? Hell no! He's a friend already.

While a man's love (not lust, I stress on this) toward a woman is usually more like a slow dripping... the more time passes on with her presence, the more the bucket is filled, this can even take years before realizing he loves her, women's feelings usually never wait that much (for women, it's usually within months and it's usually almost as fast as the development of lust toward the man), for women the bucket is either empty or filled very early and time is often against the man.

I see women and men are so...so....opposite in the way they develop love.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 29 Dec 2014, 4:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah I'd say men tend to be more systematic, less intuitive. There is a good chance that they are not ready right there an then, at least the less dating savvy men. That being said, if anyone meets someone who they are very attracted to, they will always go for it, just its not always reciprocated.

And it's exactly why you often hear way more women complaining why their boyfriends didn't say yet "I love you" than men do (personally never heard men complaining about this) - and often the relationship is at few months to a 1 year stage.

Men need more time to really fall in love, I am sure of that.

It makes sense biologically, as men can breed for longer time in their lifespan - while women need more to rush with the 'right man' to breed, and this trait in women is vulnerable to abuse.

I really hope you are right, because the guy I am dating said he is in love with me. I hope he isn't actually in lust with me and that his love for me will continue to grow instead of him getting bored with me and not spending time with me like the last "commitment-o-phobe'' guy.

You are talking about NTs, but I don't think this translates to neurodiverse people very well. In the relationships I've been in I've not seen any difference at all. And that it would take a few months is totally alien to me. If it doesn't happen within days or at most weeks, it won't happen at all. I've gotten a crush on a girl after only half-an-hour that I kept for 4 months without any contact at all.

You could always play a little hard to get to test him

Inexperienced guys may confuse between attraction and love, if he mentioned after only 2..3 dates, that's only attraction.
It will grow tho.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 30 Dec 2014, 2:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's only you - besides the "NTs" are the 99% you know, so even if your theory of yours is true, it is not that significant on whole population scale.

Besides, everyone can get such crushes, we're not talking about crushes.

yep.



I tend to get feelings very quickly that last super long. I still have strong feelings of love for women that broke off communication with me years ago. I suspect I'll always love them if perhaps not as strong as someone I'm actively in love with. this however seems to be seen as a bad thing with women. always told its creepy and clingy. so I have to actively hid my feelings for months and months. which is awful.

I'm in the category of whatever the other person feels like, as I'm bad at judging. If they want the relationship to progress, then that's cool. If they don't, then that's fine as well (even though it'll make me sad for awhile, it's nothing major).

Jumping right into a relationship though seems a bit premature in my opinion. I'd rather get to know someone first rather than be in a relationship and find things about the person that I don't care for (beliefs and their personality)

love makes a fool out of everyone sometime in their life.