Two situations that just came up for me. Help me decode.

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Let me preface with this: I can never meet a guy for the first time and decide to make him my life partner.

So last Saturday was my 10-year high school reunion. It was at a large, sprawling nightlife venue with lots of indoor and outdoor bars. One of my classmates, whom I've known since elementary school, came with her boyfriend... and the boyfriend's friend, who was his schoolmate. The boyfriend's friend was very chatty, and we had a decent conversation. The reunion gathering was at one of the outdoor bars, and I went to one of the indoor bars to watch something on TV. He eventually followed me, and none of my classmates were at that one particular indoor bar at the time to talk. Here's what raises a red flag with him: he set up my classmate and her boyfriend together (my classmate and her boyfriend are both in wheelchairs, so he knows a thing or two about people with disabilities in relationships). The next morning, he found me on Facebook and sent me a friend request. Our only mutual friend is my classmate.

Was he flirting with me? Should I accept his request?



Also, yesterday, I hung out with my crush and two of his other guy friends. He mentioned using Tinder before, and said he would like to get back into it soon (and not meet "crazy people"). I got nervous and thought "why?! The woman sitting next to you would commit to her marriage vows to you on our first date!" I know I could never use Tinder, because dating is about finding your life partner and I need to know who a guy is BEFORE I can fall for him and commit. I did say at that table that I only want someone I can commit to. I don't want to lose the race to the altar to someone he hasn't met yet. (At least it looks like that other nighmare he was "seeing" when I met him is out of the marriage race.)

How many people find their life partners on Tinder? Or is it mostly used for random hookups? What should be my strategy to beat out the Tinder dates for that spot in his family?

Quite a lot of stuff happening in your (potential) love life! I don't think your classmate's boyfriend's friend was really flirting with you. Did he know anyone at the reunion, or was he just there with his friend? In that case, he might just have followed you because you two had a conversation and he didn't know anyone else. You might just as well accept his friend request and see what he does, no harm in that.

Tinder is mainly a dating app for casual dates and hookups. No one goes on Tinder to find a long term bf/gf. It is pretty superficial: you pick or decline someone based on their picture and two lines of text I get the impression that you are already friends with your crush (hanging out with him). Make clear that you're not just 'one of the guys', but a woman. Open his eyes (in a subtle way!) and make him think about maybe seeing you as more than a friend. Try to hang out with him without his other friends.

I hope all goes well!

Been there, more or less. I don't think there's actually anything to decode, people pretend they're completely used to the pace of interactions that comes with predicating their entire lives on the internet, but it's just a facade. Everyone tires of that manic nonsense sooner or later. With me it was way sooner, but if he has as much functional gray matter as you're probably hoping, he'll realize that one cannot easily identify their definition of crazy via basic touchscreen gestures.

I wasn't talking to him the entire time he was there; there were over 100 people at this reunion, plus hundreds more at other private parties and general customers at this bar (the place is HUGE). I was bouncing around to a lot of other old classmates, some I knew in school, and others I didn't know back then but were still friendly enough to chat for several minutes. He was there to help out because that one classmate and her boyfriend/ his classmate are in wheelchairs. He was talking to a bunch of my classmates when I wasn't talking to him.

Like I said in my first post, the fact that he set those two up as BF and GF raised a red flag for me. I have another "friend" (who I've only met 3 times because he moved from NY to FL) who seemed really friendly and chatty the first time I met him, but later on became super flirty. (replying to the few innuendo-filled Facebook posts I make, saying "I want to see you" when I posted a selfie on a vacation to FL a few months ago, and kissing me on the cheek when we met up in a theme park near where he works for a few hours) I'm friendzoning that guy harder than I ever friendzoned anyone else. (Although he recently posted a selfie with this other girl in Disney World, which made me feel relieved.)

I'm afraid this guy I met at the reunion is similar to the guy in FL, which is why I'm worried about accepting this guy's Facebook request. I might accept it in a long time after he forgets that we met.



I sure hope that's true. I'd be embarassed if I lost this battle to a Tinder longshot.

To me, "date" is a very maritally-charged word. I consider dating and marriage to be the same except for the legal bond. I only want a long-term commitment because I have trouble meeting certain people and it takes me a long time to warm up to anyone.



My crush is my best friend. He's the best human friend I've ever had. We see each other once a week, on average. He invites me to a bunch of events he does. We kiss each other on the cheek whenever we meet. I've known him for almost 3 years at this point, and fell for him after a year.

I have spent time with him without his other friends. He's my drinking buddy. We're actually trying to find a time for the two of us to hang out together soon, but he lives an hour away, has a crazy schedule (works weekends in the afternoon and evening), and moved back into his parents' house after renting some other places. He's planning a big move, is saving money, and wants to quit his current job. He said he never lets his friends over his parents' house for some reason (including a friend who was stranded one night and begged to crash overnight). I plan to treat him to a bar hop as my birthday present to him later this summer.