A wingman: The key to successful Aspie dating?

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This is by no means a "quick fix" for Aspies seeking love or casual sex, only an opinion. However, if it works for me, I strongly believe it can work for others.

I am a 19 year old guy who doesn't really have a lot of friends, my self-confidence used to be (and still is) quite bad, and I used to be a virgin without having been anywhere near a sexual encounter in the past. I would always botch it in front of girls and end up embarrassing myself.
This year I am doing a gap year before college and I thought for a long time that all I would do was to be working, going to the gym, and being on my own in my apartment playing PS4 and computer games.

At the end of August, one of the few friends I have from school sent me a message. This guy, who is the guy who can get every girl he wants, but yet brainy and nerdy enough to have interests in common with me, asked me if I wanted to come along for a 6-week backpacking trip across South America. This came as a shock to me, as I hadn't talked to him since our grad trip (where I yet again failed miserably with my attempts at hooking up). He had previously told me about his travel plans, as well as his absolutely incredible (sexual) experiences from similar trips to Europe and Central America, but I strongly expected him to pick anyone but me if he was looking for sex, fun or great partying.

I had to think over it for some time, my worries were that I would end up not getting along with him, as I always have the impression that people like me less and less the more they get to know me, or that I would be a constant third wheel with him picking up scores of hot girls. After talking to him about it I was convinced to go after he actually seemed to really want to go with me, I was surprised but quite happy for it.

I went over to his place the following night to book tickets and plan the trip, which would take us from Venezuela through every country in South America except for Paraguay, Suriname and the Guyanas. He kept talking about all the beach and party destinations where "we" could easily hook up with lots of local and tourist girls. I told him that he should be saying "I", not "we", as I only had hopes of getting a kiss on the cheek at best. He asked me why, and I said he knew about my repeated failures when we had occasionally partied together, and without thinking I told him about my Aspergers, something nobody outside my family knew about and I had wowed to keep a secret. I soon realized my mistake, feared the worst and almost started crying while trying to explain what AS is like. Surprisingly enough he didn't ditch me, he rather got more empathetic and friendly and told me that I could "overcome" AS and massively improve my self-confidence and chances of hooking up with a few adjustments.

He introduced me to the "wingman" concept, which I strongly recommend reading about (unable to post links, but can easily be found through a quick search) and nearly guaranteed that I would get laid in every country with some preparations and following his advice.

I spent the next weeks reading everything I could come across about how to improve my chances, how to converse, while getting coached by my travel buddy. When departure day was approaching, we decided to try to practice the wingman strategy by going to a party where many of our old high school classmates also were going. I was nervous as f**k, as 95% of my class used to think I was a nerdy, socially ret*d loner (which is true ). I carefully followed the grooming and dress advice I had read, and when we arrived, I was actually welcomed quite positively, many of the girls hugged me and seemed genuinely happy to see me again for the first time in nearly four months. Me and my friend sat down and began talking to a couple of girls, one of them was my old classmate, the other her really hot friend who I had never met before. We talked quite a bit, they seemed to enjoy my company, my classmate thought I had become a lot more "outgoing and handsome" since high, but expectedly they showed more interest in him at first. However, he carefully diverted attention on me using the techniques above, and when our old classmate got up and walked off and we were left alone with her hot friend I realized this was my chance.

My wingman said it was getting "a bit cold" out on the balcony with the others and suggested that we went inside to the living room. We sat down, talked about anything and everything, and with eye contact, smiles, compliments and my wingman putting me in a favorable light I recognized the cues from my "studying" and mentoring and asked whether I could come over and sit by her on the couch. She said "sure", I went over and immediately she put one arm around me and not long after she put another on my thigh. I responded and began touching and rubbing her as well. It didn't take long before I was making out for the first time in my life. She thought my internet-learnt kissing skills were so good she even said she could tell I had been doing this a lot

My wingman saw that things were going well and walked away to allow us to be on our own. For a second I got quite scared but then she got even more intimate straight away. We went to the bathroom where she gave me my first blowjob of my life. I just couldn't believe it was happening, and even though I came really fast it was an insane experience. When we were done she said that we shouldn't be hanging around here all night while giving me a really sexy look. We went to her place and had sex. It was just so f*****g great, here I was, having sex with not only any girl, but one who actually is hot.

The next day I met with my wingman, told him what happened and offered him the biggest thanks of my life, I was almost in tears. He congratulated me and said that he really really wanted that girl too but decided to leave her to me as he thought I deserved it a lot more, that was quite a massive boost to my already peaking self confidence.

Some days later we left for South America and we had the time of my life. I made tons of new friends, both locals and tourists, we surfed, we saw amazing sceneries, cities, and met so many cool people. Whenever I had a slip-up and my Aspie instincts got to me my wingman either saved me if he was there or talked me through it when we met. As for picking up girls, things went up and down, but we both managed to get laid in nearly every country, I didn't get laid in Argentina, something that I was OK with as none of the girls were particularly appealing. The best experiences by far were in Brazil, were I managed to have sex with several European girls, including a true Swedish blonde goddess, something that used to be such a far-fetched dream.

Two days ago, we finally got back home from the trip of my life. While I wasn't necessarily too happy with having been such a player there was a sense of fulfilment and being "normal" that I thoroughly enjoyed. I don't want to go on like this forever, and the next step should be trying to find someone for a lasting relationship, but that will be more challenging for me. At least I have learnt a lot, but I still have a lot to learn when it comes to attachment and building a relationship.

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Tl;dr (probably needed, even though I highly recommend reading it all)

An experienced wingman, if he is a genuine friend you can trust and who trusts you, is in my opinion a great help for an Aspie when it comes to meeting and/or picking up girls. Having someone who can help you prepare for encounters and offer you live support, get you connected to a girl and promoting you is a huge advantage for everyone, but particularly an Aspie with poor self confidence and social skills.

Well, that was an interesting read. More for the traveling IMHO. I mean it's good to have experience and what not.

It's cool that your friend was so understanding and nice about it.

And, I mean I don't think it's congratulatory to sleep around. It just is.
So- cool story bro?

A wingman is of no use. In fact, it's counterproductive.

Well, I was visiting my cousin on the other side of the country once. We went out to a bar and I talked about my struggles.My cousin (Mr. Married Player) proceeds to ask the waitress out of earshot what she thought of me and she was quite positive. I could not believe how quickly she drew him to me. Too bad (at the time) I was not planning on moving there!

I don't know if you call that a wingman but it definitely helped break the ice! It really helped me see a different side of women they rarely show on the surface and gave me far more success once I went back home.

to you, dating an casual sex are the same thing. To me, they are not. About the most good a "wingman" would do me is to introduce me to a few girls I might like and give some advice on places to take a girl on a date. Saddly most of what I find "fun" are either too nerdy, or a bit childish. Ugh.

*Insert applicable "cool story bro" meme here*

Nobody here seems to be considering you a sucesss.

Well, I definitely do.

There's plenty of aspies who aren't interested in a relationship but just want sex (and that's perfectly reasonable) and find it very difficult.

And I've also heard cases of many of these aspies having wingmen who are judgementel and not understanding and even if the 'wingman' is their friend he still gets annoyed and frustrated with the aspies difficulties.

You've managed to not only have an amazing trip of a lifetime, but get great sex and have a great wingman friend who can help set-you up with someone because wingmen aren't even always about sex.

And, not just this, but this experience will have taught you new social skills and possibly even cured your lack of confidence.

If you ever feel unconfident you can just think back to your trip, how things went, and positively remind yourself 'Yes! I CAN do it!' and just remember everything that happened and everything your friend did on the trip to remember the strategies for being a social, friendly person.

I personally am not interested in casual sex but long-term relationships myself, but for the aspies who just want sex or possibly either just sex or a relationship, a positive, uplifting real-life example like this might just be what they needed.

In my case I (wanted) a relationship but when you are clueless around women you can use all the help you can get. Sure it all worked out in the end but much of that was from the confidence I gained from knowing I am not a total freak.

I have had several "wingmanned parties", they were of little help.

Yes, he managed to get me to slow-dance with a few woman, but that's all that happened.
The next day, he told me that the girls (all of them) were dying for a kiss, and he was pulling his hair seeing me standing there being oblivious.

Any wingman that doesn't involve me wearing an ear-piece to get real-time updates and "NT bodylanguage to ND speak" translations is useless to me; they can only hold your hand so far, but you got to recognize the timing for the final 'move' yourself, just as making this move.

A wingman is great for someone with approach anxiety, but for someone who is, for all intents and purposes, blind to non-verbal communication and oblivious to verbal 'hints', a wingman is only more frustrating, as you get closer to the "finish line", being 2nd is more painful than being 20th...

Dude if this is all true, you're a f*****g legend.

An inspiration for all aspies world-wide. lol