Is it normal that I'm obsessed with a certain type of girl?

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I get that most people have ideal "types" when it comes to appearance, but I'm so specific and unrealistic (because they'll generally be way out of my league) in my ideals that it makes finding people even more difficult.

I don't know why I'm so focused on those ideals; my "type" generally consists of what people consider emo/scene girls - I'm rarely attracted to anybody who doesn't have dyed hair. Of course, sometimes I find the perfect person for me, but they always get away; the person I've been closest to in my entire life (despite it being long distance) left me for her abusive ex after a month. She was literally my dream girl.

There must be some kind of reason for me being so obsessed with this type. I mean, I wouldn't just go for absolutely anyone because obviously there needs to be mutual connection and physical attraction (which makes the choice even narrower), but it might be something to do with the fact that they'd love music as much as I do, or because they tend not to be shallow, and maybe just because I'd love to help someone who's insecure feel a lot better about themselves, and help them feel safe and protected. I mean, physical attraction obviously still comes into play, because dyed hair is very beautiful, and I love the clothing style and general paleness. But like I said, I wouldn't just go for anyone, I'm too specific for that.

I don't know if this is just an Asperger's-related thing; I assume the fixation on that concept is related to the obsessions side of it, and I'm pretty sure it affects me more than it'd affect a neurotypical.

I was going to say you might have a problem finding someone with such exact features, but you say you had your dream girl for a month and you're only 16. I wouldn't worry until you're about 35 or so if you still haven't found "the one".

Yes,

And, as fun as I find it also to be attracted to a specific 'type', e.g. nerd girls, goth, whatever; it's a very unhealthy mindset as it does raise your expectations, as more people are beyond stereotypes and cliches.

Also, sometimes the type you may be attracted to just may not be compatible with you, but you haven't realized this yet.

I've experienced severe cognitive dissonance as it seems every nerdy/geeky female I've been attracted to or pursued had a few things about them that were dealbreakers or make it harder for me to date them, and many I was just plain incompatible with or if I was attracted to them, they weren't attracted to me and I wasn't their type.

The nerdy/geeky females I meet have always been extremely Feminist. I support gender equality but am a traditionally masculine male, and it seems these nerdy/geeky women prefer skinny, slightly effeminate guys who also identify as Feminist. Also, I am not into many nerdy/geeky things myself, but they always seem to prefer someone with similar interests. Many of them don't seem attracted to men with lots of muscle, so, while not absolutely ripped or anything, being the decently lean guy I am might be 'too much' for them. Many of them hated the idea of exercise or an active lifestyle...

Sorry, not trying to making this about me, just that I am going through similar things.

It's normal, for N.T.'s even, but just a bad habit to fall into. I'm not sure what the answer to the problem is yet.

Perhaps stop focusing on people as 'categories' and 'types' and rather look at people as people with diverse traits and such.

But, that may only set you up for another bad habit - having a list of traits you find attractive, that just match your 'type' anyway...

Oh, and of course, your tastes will likely change.

I find as teens we tend to have certain types, but as we get older we branch out and value traits of character rather than specific personality types.

We replace 'Has to be nerdy/sporty/whatever' with 'hardworking, practical, reliable, adventurous', etc.

And, this would make your dating pool far more diverse as traits of character (both positive and negative) are observed across all 'types'.

These are good points, thank you guys. I think it's not a case of just the style that I'm attracted to (although I definitely am), but also that some character traits seem to be synonymous with that type - loves music, unique and rebellious, actually likes long-haired guys like me, but also I think the depression that tends to be there means that I can look after them and help them feel good, morbidly enough. With that girl I was kinda-sorta with for a month, I was constantly showing my appreciation, which probably gave me too high expectations that she'd do the same in return. But other than that, she was literally my dream girl, but alas she didn't love me as much as I loved her, which was a fear I had from the start. And she was the one scared of me leaving her.

Most of the girls / women I dated were skater & goth girls / women, so you should call yourself lucky you're attracted to a type of girls / women actually likely to date boys / men like us



I had my first girlfriend when I was 19. Since you're younger than that, you still have time to catch up.

Also, consider meeting girls online :

source



Similar taste?
Similar personality?

Or maybe it's just some raw vibe that you're capable of picking up, but that you fail to understand due to insecurity, inexperience and Aspie social flaws.



Maybe it's all of the above?



Birds of a feather flock together :

- Weirdos are attracted to other weirdos
- Social misfits are attracted to other social misfits
- People who listen to punk/emo/rock are most attracted to other people who listen to punk/emo/rock

See where I'm going?

Know that confidence is one of the most attractive features in a men for any type of woman. Punk/emo/rock chicks are no different, even if they're insecure themselves. So find a way to at least appear self-confident when approaching women. You'd be amazed how much that improves your sex-appeal.

If you are able you should watch a program called the undatables. There was a man who wanted a woman with shoulders that measured exactly 30 inches along. Weirdly enough he found her and they got married

For your age group, your attraction to the scene style girls, doesn't seem to be too specific. From the title, I was expecting something along the lines of what Alliekit mentioned above. I think the thing that will hinder you the most (particularly over time) is this mentality:

This type of dynamic does not make for a healthy, lasting relationship. In order for them to work, relationships need to be mutual and balanced. Meaning that, you shouldn't just be building her up or vice versa. You should each put in, and get out an equal (approximation) amount.

That being said, you are only 16 and you have a lot of time to learn these things.