Meeting Girls in Meatspace

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Since I am once again single I want to find a another girlfriend. This time I want to do it right and find a sensible girl rather than the first girl who's willing to date me. I know I did stupid things in the past and I want to take this opportunity to learn from my mistakes.

One thing that I've seen time and time again is that the girls on dating sites tend to be psychologically disturbed. All of them. At the very least they suffer from a mild inferiority complex. Some of them have a severe inferiority complex combined with cognitive feedback loops and some of them are narcissists. I like pretty girls as much as the next guy but first priority is finding a girl who is sane. That means meeting a girl in meatspace.

So my questions are;
1. Where should I hang out to meet girls in meatspace?
2. How can I tell if they're single?
3. How to ask a girl out in meatspace?

For the first question, I suppose I should join some sort of club but which sort. I could just go for one of those Facebook meetup groups like the walking group or the restaurant group or the movie group.

What I'd really like is a sort of group that admits both guys and girls but is mostly girls. Maybe dance or maybe something else. My grandfather's friend says when he goes to dance class it's mostly women and it's easy for him to get a date but I don't want to go to his dance class because it's for old people. Is there some sort of amature co-ed dance class for the 20 - 30 age group? Or is there some other type of group that's mostly girls?

The second question is fairly self-explanatory. I'm pretty sure I can tell if they're married or engaged from looking at their finger but nowadays girls can be in long term relationships without wearing a ring. How else can I tell?

The third relates to my tendency to friendzone myself. I can start talking to a girl but going from friendly chit chat to being in a relationship or dating illudes me. Just when should I ask her out. If she thinks we're friendly acquaintances she'll think it's very strange if I start asking her out. I've had this happen to me a couple of times before.

Um there are some sane girls on dating sites. Lets not generalise all of them . Som people do well online dating some don't.

I think you have some pretty good ideas on how to meet women irl. Clubs or for ups are always good. Or attending places or event you are interested in. For example if you like anime or comics if going to a comic con

If you're in one of those groups then they will probably tell you if they are single or not. Particularly with a walking group, because you're going to have probably 1-3 hours of talking to people, so they will ask you questions and let you know about their lives.

To your last point--yes, that transition can be hard. Maybe just let friendship happen and let a friendship turn into a relationship if that's natural? That seems to work best, in my limited experience. It's organic, there's a deeper bond, and you forego the pressures and expectations of more formal dating.

Groups that have lots of women in them are a goldmine: running clubs and dance classes are just two of many examples. Dont go in looking for singles, just relax, have a good time and things will just happen. Maybe you might meet a coupled woman but she might try to direct you to a single friend. How I met my lady was an endless string of related events that I doubt was circumstancial.

I wouldn't say she "dumped" you.

I would say she's sort of taking you for a ride.

She'll be back.

Yeah, maybe 2%.

I'm pretty normal aside from the autism

I think you're a swell gal.

I have had a hard time trying to date the neurotypicals and sometimes think it would be easier jus to find a sweet autistic girl but with the boys outnumbering the girls in the spectrum its proving to be a difficult task to say the least...so I keep on trying to go on date sites and talking to regular girls but keep making mistakes even when jus trying to strike up a convo or trying to keep it going when I do get a response bk

Maybe the group I meet girls in could reflect the type of girls I want to meet. A walking group might have fit girls but then again it might be composed chiefly of retires. If only I was a vegan because some of those vegan girls are skinny and hot. Their unconventional diet does wonders for their figure. I don't think I'd be welcome in the vegan club considering the prodigious amounts of meat and dairy I consume. Best stick to the walking group idea.

An older friend said he used to get lots of pretty girls back in the 80s by just "asking girls out". He didn't elaborate further. Could it really be that simple? I can't just ask out strangers the way he suggested.

Also, how can I get partnered girls to direct me to their single friends. One girl I was involved with, I was set up with by her aunt. How can I get stuff like that to happen?

I thought you already had a boyfriend.

I do but I met him on an online dating site

He's one of the lucky ones. Dating Sites are terrible for men in general.

1. Doing something you enjoy that that is likely to be enjoyed by girls your age. Dance classes (Latin or standard ballroom), craft classes (knitting, beading, stained glass, etc)nor a lecture series at a local art gallery or museum.

2. By talking to talking to them.

3. By inviting them to join you at a low-key, out-in-public activity, like a quick coffee at Starbucks or an event related to your shared activity/interest, eg free show at local gallery.

I am not sure the friendzone actually exists -- pretty much all my previous serious boyfriends were guys I'd known casually for ages, with whom something somehow clicked into place.

Lose the word "meatspace", try "in real life".

This may not be the most concrete or helpful comment, but you might go out and meet people on the spectrum who don't realize it. There are definitely a few in my life who seem like they might be when I look back, but maybe didn't know (assuming I'm right), and I certainly didn't know what to look for back then. Even recently I think I've met one, because she's one of the few people I've met who communicates like me. She also helps volunteer with some autistic people and seems to feel an extra kinship or level of comfort there, from how she talks about. But she is older, so perhaps she's just gotten through life without being diagnosed. Either way, you can definitely meet people you like, and then maybe meet a few whom you like and have a more natural level of interaction with which fits your needs.

"just hitting on" girls [or guys, or whoever] is a numbers game.

See a girl you think is pretty or is engaged in an interesting activity?
Walk up and ask if you can take her out sometime.
"I really like watching the sunlight reflect off your hair. Can I take you on a picnic this weekend?"
"I see you're reading The Lost Girls. Can I buy you a coffee at that Starbucks so we can discuss Alan Moore?"

The secret is anticipating failure.
Because the whole endeavor took sixty seconds, you're not really invested in the outcome - and you didn't friendzone yourself. It's also efficient.

You might not ever get "comfortable" walking up to a girl to hit on her, but you will hone your technique through meatspace experience - and that's how you'll find what really works for you, because you're an individual and some things will work for you and some won't.
You will also likely develop a bit of a thick skin because you will be experiencing "casual" rejection [versus when you put more time into a girl before trying to take it to the next level] and the fact that it's not stinging as bad should make the whole ordeal a bit less intimidating.

Doesn't work for everybody... but if you wanna do something different, it may be worth a try.