May I get some opinions on "May-September" romance

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That is, one adult going out with another adult double the age. Who thinks gender makes a difference? Who thinks it's practicle/impracticle? What are the general feelings of WP members on this issue. (In this particular case, the younger member is 28.) If you found someone of the opposite sex that you really, really liked, and it was mutual, and you had tons of interests in common, but they were significantly older, would you let the age-gap alone stop you from pursuing a relationship?

Personally, I have no problem with it. I relate to younger people and have dated a few.

NTs I know, however, think its the creepiest thing in the world, that for some reason, you must stay within your age bracket or there's something really wrong with you, you're a pervert or a molester or somesuch.

The question was about OLDER though. Sure, it might be nice to have someone
significantly younger, but think about the age difference, and how it might feel
at some later point in life. It's not really the doubling issue, rather the total span of
years. For purely adult relationships, we're talking about a 20 year difference. Now,
let's say we're looking at something like 20:40; in 20 years, that's going to be 40:60.
Are you still happy? Or is this just going to be a fling to you? If the former go for it.
If the latter, make sure that they understand; older people may have hardened somewhat,
but they still have expectations and feelings.

True... but the prospect of my dating someone double my years is... slim, at best. Most of them that age are already dead.

I just thought I'd give the perspective of someone on the September side of the romantic aisle. You young pups can go back and talk about May all you like now.

For me, double my age would be pretty old. Near the end of life.
But I wouldn't consider being with someone my own age either.

I don't think the age difference will be a problem in and of itself. but if you're eventually wanting kids, her ability/inability to conceive may come into question.

Tim

It can work, if the younger person has a maturity level that can carry such a relationship. IMO, go for it.

I would give any relationship a try, regardless of age. I am currently seeing someone 1 year older than me, but I have dated women several years younger, and several years old.

I deliberately held back some information about my own particular situation, in order to have a debate about the general issue itself, because really, my situation is pretty clear-cut toward the positive: I do not want kids (and yes, I am absolutely sure). I am also a very gentle person, whereas most girls my age are looking for rough-n-tumble guys. Basically, if I related my entire actual situation, almost everyone would say: "Go for it!". But I'll also hold some things back just because they're personal, and I don't want to talk overly about the other person on here out of respect.

But this would be my first such age-gap experience -- and yet, it is feeling surprisingly natural and comfortable to me! (I am also thinking about the practicles of the future -- and I am totally comfortable with them, too.) Now, I've ALWAYS known that I seek a person with my wisdom, common sense, and conservative nature -- but at my age, all the girls seem like selfish party brats, or some minor variation of such. I mean, I'm almost agape at what a mental and spiritual gulf there is between me and the average female my age -- I mean, it's not even a possibility to work!

Okay, I don't get it??? Are you the younger or older? You don't look half of 28 -- 14 years old -- or twice -- 56 years old!

Oh, you must be the 28-year-old! You don't look 28 either (at least not in your avatar picture), but that seems the most likely. Wow, impressive that you would be interested in someone for her: "wisdom, common sense, and conservative nature," at the age of 28. I'm sure you would get any number of responses from men, Aspie or otherwise, ready to pat you on the back, if you were the 56-year-old, hooking up with a twenty something. Many men past your age, 30's and 40's, no longer even think that women of their age are worthy of their consideration, let alone an older woman. While I applaud your open mind, I have to ask if there's also a sexual attraction on both your parts. In other words, do you like her only for her mind, or her body too? If the answer (honestly) is both, then I think it's wonderful! Do you feel like you're "in love" with her? Or, is she just someone you feel comfortable with? Has she given you insight into her own feelings? Maybe you seem so much older than your years, that she doesn't even feel like she's entering a relationship with a man half her age.

Unusual people have a hard enough time finding great matches that I'd not recommend ruling out someone just because of an age difference. I never had things work out in the long term with anyone within 3 years of my own age, and the best relationships were with women 7-20+ years different from myself in age (both younger and older). I don't think there's any advantage to it, but you have to decide which characteristics are most important to you, and age may not rank very high on the list.

Your mileage may vary, of course.

Based on all of this, go for it. Age shouldn't be the only factor. In your case, you've thought it all out and the good outweighs the bad. If and when you get to the long term commitment thing, then look at how you'll feel if this person is ready for the nursing home when you are 65. Personally, I think it's much less a big deal at 40/60 than at 20/40.

In relationships, and not just sex, it's more important that you have a shared sense of wisdom, common sense and conservative nature. It's more important you connect mentally and spiritually. That holds you together over the long haul.

The other thing is that if she can deal with your AS well and you are seriously thinking she's the one, then go for it. You won't find that often. I doubt seriously I'd ever find it again and wouldn't even bother to try.

Yep, you guessed correctly, I'm 28. I know my avatar is just about the oldest-looking likeness of me, but that's kinda what I was going for. Well, the thing that got me to ask her out was her smile, mainly, but so many more reasons right behind that one! She's gone to my small congregation for years, so we are right in line with each other on religion, which I consider the most important thing. (Our congregation is VERY small -- 15-20 people -- so we know everyone quite well.)

She is naturally very up-front about her feelings -- she'll casually go into the most heavy matters that are on her mind, and I need that kind of simple clarity because I'm an Aspie. Also -- the holy grail of relationship traits for me -- she listens. And I mean, REALLY hears EXACTLY how I say something, like no one else does, and adjusts accordingly in the moment. Nothing turns me off faster than a girl who doesn't listen. I equate such to stupidity, honestly, whether that's fair or not. Her voice is quiet and pleasant -- I can't stand loud, raucous talking. She's just as surprised and happy as I am that we clicked! It's only been a few days, I should mention, but we already consider this a full-blown relationship. And yes, I am also physically attracted to her. She is beautiful.

Ragtime, it sounds perfect! I got butterflies, reading the sweet things you had to say about her. I hope you're able to express the same feelings in her presence. It sounds like you could have a great relationship, if you're both able to overlook the inevitable criticism from people who can't look past the surface. Keep us updated! I love a good romance!

Yeah! So glad for you, Ragtime. Have fun and don't let the age thing get in the way.

If the age gap matters to either person involved, then it is an issue. If that isn't the case, which it doesn't appear to be, the hell with what anyone else says. If the two people are happy, isn't that all that matters at the end of the day?