Communication

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I've been married for 2 years and have been with him for 5. My husband has aspergers and it's difficult for us to be on the same page sometimes. I also tend to think negatively and jump to bad conclusions. We came to this understanding that I would work on talking to him about what he means instead of thinking the worst if I didn't understand something he was trying to communicate. It's good in theory but resently it's like my emotions and not understanding something and asking about it are a joke and dumb in his mind. I get he isn't as emotional as me and doesn't understand why I'm upset sometimes but it's like he doesn't care at all about them and me sometimes. I want our marriage to work so bad because I love him but sometimes this just brings me down and gives me low self-esteem because it seems like I don't matter and I'm not worth his time. I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions? Sorry I've never done anything like this so I'm not sure exactly how this works.

There's a difference between not caring, and not seeming to care. Can you give him concrete examples of ways that make you feel heard or cared about?

If an Aspie gets too stressed he will go into a meltdown or brain freeze. This will obviously make communication very difficult. He may not even understand what is going on.

I have given him examples and he listens and does those things to make me feel heard and cared about and then it's like a switch and it just stops. If he is having a meltdown or brain freeze what can I do to help the situation?

Give him time and space. He's making an effort, but when he switches "off" it's probably due to an overload to him.(Not to caring about you.) Writing down what you feel, vs a verbal conversation might help too.

I feel that continuing to post here might help you both, so I'm glad you're here.

http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2009/07 ... tdown.html
Here is some advice about meltdowns.

Obviously, it is for children. In the USA, when you turn 18, it becomes very hard to get services for developmental disabilities. As well as mental health issues--I asked a lady I know who is on disability for mental health issues--so I got some first hand info--though there is some bias because I knew what the answer would be.

I would express to him very clearly and directly how his actions are hurting you, and how important it is he not hurt you in this way...

I think its important hes hurting you in a deep way by this small action. you're trying to work through an insecurity with him, if you're feeling hes thinking or implying bad things, you should feel free to seek assurance even if it seems rediculous to have to. You really have to be clear that this affects how you view your marriage. And maybe it doesnt yet. But id bet if it goes on, itll wear you out over years.

This could lead to you not feeling like you can be open with your emptions and thats basically a death march for a relationship if its not addressed quick.