in love with someone who is already dating someone else.

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as the title says, i have fallen in love with a person and only recently discovered that they have been dating someone else for several years now. i have not met the person who they are dating but i feel, jealous in a way. i suppose that there is not much i can do about this issue but i am trying my best to cope. any advice for what to do? note i am 17 and this feeling has been here for a long while, almost 3-4 months. 2 months ago did i discover.

I would use her as a muse in your writing.

Otherwise, you shouldn't try to pursue her--unless she breaks up with the other guy.

How well do you actually know the girl? Is she someone you actually have known for awhile, or just some girl you have had a crush on? (If you knew her then how would you not know she's been dating someone for years?)

If you don't know her that well I'd be leery about saying you're "in love", especially at your age, since a lot of it could just be projecting your fantasies onto her, and she might actually not be nearly as much of a catch if you actually get to know her.

i have known her for a few years now and i know her rather well. so i hope that helps

I'd stay friends with her....but I wouldn't actively pursue her romantically.

How did you not know she was dating a guy for several years if you knew her and her family?

never met the family, just through school. never had a reason to visit houses.

I would if he has a genuine common interest; if he's only staying friends with her because he hopes one day she'll like him then I wouldn't myself.

Well for what ever reason it sounds like she'd not interested in the idea of a relationship with you, but if she's friendly towards you she probably wants to remain friends. Then again I am a bit skeptical that she's been dating another guy for 'several years' that would mean she's been dating the same guy since she was 11 or 12, which just seems kind of unlikely as much of the time relationships that start in adolescence or even teen years don't usually last.

What you're doing is just a normal part of growing up....we all develop crushes on people, especially those we can't have (pop stars, teachers, girls with boyfriends), "they" say it's your brains way of exploring these things in a safer environment knowing that nothing is ever really going to come of it.

It's hard to say any of this without sounding really patronising, but it's all just a part of growing up, there isn't much to "do" here, it's your introduction to the world of relationships and they don't always go the way you want so here's a chance to learn that.

If you enjoy her company and she yours then there's nothing wrong with staying friends with her and there's nothing really wrong with having a crush on her either, as long as you don't do anything that might sabotage her current relationship as that can only backfire very badly.

Generally speaking, there's no real harm in pursuing someone in an unmarried relationship and, for lack of a better word, "stealing" them from their SO. Even if they've been dating for "years," so what? They're just dating.

I'd want to know a little more about the specifics of the relationship, though.

In my experience, dragging out a dating relationship over the course of a few years is unhealthy. For one, I don't think young people should date. And even once you start dating, you shouldn't jump to an exclusive relationship right away. Once you do get into an exclusive LTR, don't waste time before you have the marriage/family talk. And once you get engaged, don't take more than a year making wedding plans. In short, wait on dating; once you start and get into a LTR, move fast.

Which is why the details of her current relationship are important. Why stay in a relationship for so long at such a young age? I started dating a girl when she was very young and had been her 1st bf. At first things were great. But over time she showed herself to be whiny, controlling and clingy. I missed out on a lot of things because they didn't meet with her approval. I was halfway through college after dating her for 6 years when I finally broke up with her. The catylist for that was another girl showed interest in me.

Maybe what she's got going on with this guy is a good thing, but somehow I doubt it. She might be up for a change, or he has abused her. Or not. I'd look into it if I were you.

The last thing I want to say is don't let yourself be ruled by your emotions. I'm very happily married. But that doesn't mean I magically stop feeling attracted to other women or never "fall in love" with someone else. It's just that I love my wife, too, and anything that would foul up our relationship isn't worth emotionally investing into. Like others, though for different reasons, I'm suspiscious of this girl you're in love with and have a hunch this really isn't the best thing for you. In these situations, the fantasy is a lot more fun than the reality of the relationship. Smile when you think about what could have been and try to make that happen with someone who's really into you. You've got PLENTY of time at your age. Take it easy and don't waste that time.

I would not let the fact she is in a relationship block me. Relationships come and go. I have dated / seen women who were in relationships who wanted somebody else for a number of reasons. A recent girlfriend, I saw her when she was engaged, even married......she wanted someone on the side and it was a wonderful mutually beneficial relationship. He did not know of course and this is key in these types of relationships being successful.

Ask her out to see if there is anything which will allow you to move forward. In this way it will be revealed if she is for real and has something to offer or just a teaser. Stress you treat a girl like a queen, keep your promises, and respect her privacy. Open with something that tells about an activity you did with friends or some career goal like MBA / CPA or degree in your field. Demonstrate you have a game plan towards a career goal or degree which shows you have a strong plan for success. Perhaps a story about how you visited that university or area.....Women are attracted to men who show confidence, intelligent life goals, career success, complimentary, and strong financial. Develop a playbook which supports this and which you can execute. Women are repulsed by lack of confidence, insecurity, inexperience, melt downs, or someone with no friends. Consequently revealing any of those will result in disaster and your playbook should be designed to deflect any doubts. When I was a senior in college I was dating a girl who's x BF was President of the band and I had been at the social bottom (went to different school). I thought it ironic I was able to get to date her and believed executing my playbook must have been working.

Personally, I wouldn't really waste my time... Seems like it's more trouble than it's worth.

No, that is simply not true, more often than not you will receive an angry reaction if you try to do that even if the couple hasn't been married yet. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year, I am certainly not available for guys to try to 'steal' because we're only 'dating'. Would tell any such guy to f*** right off.

I mean if you want to go trying to pursue people in unmarried relationships on the basis, 'they're just dating so what.' Go for it at your own risk, but generally speaking it is actually terrible advice no one should follow.

Yeah so the guy can think he's in a exclusive relationship with a person he loves, only to be getting deceived by a person who really doesn't care about them and is willing to have intimate relationships with others. I wonder what other things he shouldn't be trusting her about in this case. What do you figure happens when he does find out? Maybe he won't find out about you and her, but I am sure eventually she'll slip up with one of her 'guys on the side' and he'll find out and be pretty devastated.

The only time I could see it being ok to pursue someone in a relationship, is if the person does not want the relationship, but is perhaps afraid to leave because of the abusive nature of their partner who won't agree to a break up or something. Of course that can be a little risky.

But yeah I am one of those people that thinks cheating on your partner is a bad thing. Sort of amazed at the people on this thread who seem to think it's great and clearly don't respect 'in a relationship' means unavailable for trying to get with.

Yeah, wow, some of you guys have an attitude on here that could really get you hurt one day. Physically. If some guy was trying to advance on someone I was dating, or god forbid married to, and I knew who they were and where to find them. I would. At night. When they didn't expect it. And I'd teach them about why it's wise to respect those you don't know.