Marriage between ND and NT

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I get married with my best friend almost 4 years ago. During all the dating we have many problems with communication like when he told me that he loves me and I say "thank you" because I dont heave sure, after all, I did not had a list about my feelings for him at the time
Despite all difficulties we always had, we get married. Yes, me, a aspie, had married! I like to be with him and discovery, on my way, that I really love him, more than anyone and whant divide my life with him. I did not like the whole idea of a wedding with unconfurtable dress, make up and all that kind of thing, but was important for his family and I did to make him happy, because he like it too.
Ok. But, the diferences in our communication process are to many difficult to handle. We both dont like parties, pubs, meeting with too many friends and all this, but we have lunch with his family 2 times for month, birthdays of his family and friends NT, reunions of his work and this kind of thing. So, things always get complicated because I hate have to do this. I do, because he say is important to him, but its too many dificult to me seem normal to all this people and say the correct thing on the correct time. Usually, i try and in some moment I do something called weird our rude like clap my hands, some noise when I talk our simple being rude when I think I was polite. This, combine with dont understand what his feeling, dont give the affection he needs and be called as a freezer, been seen as a rude person for the way I speek and all the kind of things we aspies have problens in our life, make our relationship very hard to maintain.
So, from aspie to aspie I like to ask you how is your relationship (in a marriage, dating ...) with a NT and if you have some tips to give me.
And sorry for my bad english, I am brazilian so I not so good in english, despite have study.

I have similar problems with my NT wife. She doesn’t like it that I’m not “social.”

Our relationship is not good at times.

Brazil is an interesting place.

I feel very lucky to have such an understanding boyfriend. We have many difficulties, mostly when it comes to communicating, but we're also really good at compromising.
Luckily, he is about as introverted and in need of alone-time as I am. But he still needs his social interactions, so I can relate to your problem, although it's probably not quite as big for us.
He is very disappointed that I don't want to meet his friends. Even though I'm not so sure WHY he thinks that is important, I can still understand THAT is is. He would prefer to have me with him every time, and I would prefer to stay home every time. But we just have to compromise, and so I just come to his social-stuff once in a while, and that just has to be good enough for the both of us.
Besides, he has come to learn that bringing me with him isn't always optimal for him either. Sometimes it's nice for him to just go out with his friends without having to worry about me the whole time. And if they ask him why I won't join them, he can just tell them how it is. If he doesn't want to tell people that his partner is autistic (which is unfortunately best to avoid mentioning sometimes) he can just say that I'm an introvert and people will get it.

For the communication-part, we have discovered that it works best if I get some time to reflect on the problem, and I do that by writing. If he has a problem, he will let me know, and I can say that I will get back to him on this once I've let it sunk in. And if I have a problem, I will first write it down, so that I can get to the core of it, and get my point across once I take it up. Sometimes I will discover that I don't even need to mention it, I just needed to let it out and writing it down was enough.
If we discuss things as they come along, I can't really follow. I get really upset and will let out all of my frustrations, both the relevant ones and the ones I've been keeping in since a year ago, and that is just chaotic and doesn't lead anywhere.
When I get time to process things we can have a calm and effective conversation about it, and it saves us both a lot of frustration. Just wish we had figured this out sooner