Dating someone with schizophrenia?

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I have been talking online with a woman for a few days now and she seems freaking awesome. She likes all the same things I do and seems genuinely interested in me instead of the passive "I kinda like you until someone better messages me" attitude I usually get on dating sites. We're meeting tomorrow to get lunch and see a movie and I'm very hopeful about this. But she has schizophrenia. What is this going to do to our relationship? What do I need to know before dating someone with schizophrenia? Is it something I should even try?

To me this is a sensitive topic that’s really hard to resolve well. We all are on here because our internal wiring is out of the norm. So it would be kinda unfair to say dating is out of the question over mental conditions when, well, that’s what we’re here for.

In general, under most circumstances, I tend to tell people to avoid dating people who are psychotic. The main reason for this is that dating relationships are seldom permanent. But a person whose mental state doesn’t allow one to handle the inevitable dissolution of a romantic relationship is difficult to get away from and can make your life miserable post-breakup.

So the answer is you just have to assess just how much crazy you’re willing to deal with. For me, antisocial personality, borderline personality disorder, bi-polar disorder, and co-dependency are behavioral patterns I’m simply not prepared to live with. Anything else depends on how aware someone is of her own problems and what measures she’s taking to deal with it. I would also want to know what she needs from me for long-term support.

I can’t really offer any advice on how to handle schizophrenia specifically, but it’s a difficult condition for someone to manage. I would lean more in favor of NOT dating this person. If you think you’re up for it, don’t let me stop you. Just be careful.

I would research the condition & the ways they tend to be within relationships just to get an idea but I would also factor in how functional she is. Some can be fairly normal if they stay on their meds like they're supposed to. I'm sure it's like the saying on here that if you met one Aspie you met one Aspie. I would keep an open mind & see how things play out as they come.

It really depends.

Some schizophrenics are okay, and don't harm people, and don't appear "psychotic" on the surface. Others are okay most of the time---but when they get in a psychotic state, they harm people. Others are in a psychotic state all the time.

Take it by ear, in my opinion. But set boundaries.

I feel I must respond because I did exactly that. You need to ask yourself, if somebody has schizophrenia, does that mean they aren't entitled to date and have relationships?

Really, it's like any other chronic ailment e.g. Type 1 Diabetes, arthritis, etc. It can't be ignored within a long term relationship, but it should be medically manageable. The only difference is that if the illness is mental, then we look down on the sufferer — call them "crazy" and consider the possibility they may present a physical threat.

Well said.

If you really, truly love someone and accept all that goes with them in a commitment, you absolutely must accept their state of mind. I tend to take marriage very seriously. And that’s a realistic possible scenario when you’re going for the long haul. What if...? What if she goes crazy? As in certifiable? As in that person I used to know is gone?

Nope. It doesn’t matter. I don’t get to say “I didn’t sign up for that.” Because I DID sign up for that when we said our vows. If she ends up in a psych ward and screams incoherently at me behind a cage every time I visit, the LEAST I can do is show I still want her and still care by at least coming by to see her.

Going LDR with someone you KNOW has a mental condition? I wouldn’t START a relationship like that. It’s simply a personal choice. Something happened over time is different because simply discarding human beings like trash is flat wrong. Walking right into something you can’t easily get out of and KNOWING that—that’s rough. That takes grapefruits. I admire guys who have the courage to do that and make it work. To that person, I’d only say make sure you fully understand what you’re getting into. If you have even the slightest doubt, RUN.

I would be expecting possible lazy behavior in her because that is a common negative symptom of the illness. Also extreme lack of interest in life and motivation and lack of interest in self care. There may be disorganized thoughts and she might say some crazy things and have bizarre beliefs.


I have dated a schizophrenic and he wasn't like what you often hear about in the condition so I didn't even know he had it. He didn't hear voices or say he had people spying on him or people working for someone to go after him. He also didn't talk about meeting god or seeing angels or anyone who didn't exist. But he did have disorganized thoughts and weird beliefs. He also had some conspiracy thoughts and believed them. Like he thought the gov made up this life alert stuff just to rip the elderly off and told me why life alert wont work and the gov was just doing it to get their money. I knew the gov was not behind this and it was just a company that made these and were selling them and he was all worried because he knew he would be old soon and the gov would be stealing his money. This behavior wasn't uncommon in him. Back then I just didn't know any better so I didn't notice anything abnormal in him and thought he was like everyone else but also different like me. He was also very lazy and lacked motivation so I thought he was just lazy and used me as a hand out and to take care of him.

I would also suggest going to the forums and reading posts by people with it. I know them having to do normal things like shower, brush their teeth and hair, do simple housework takes a whole lot of effort to do. That is what they say so they also have spoons. Each schizophrenic is different. Mine didn't display the textbook symptoms I often hear about.

But I wouldn't be able to handle this so that is why we are not together.

When I was dating someone with schizophrenia, I never directly discussed her symptoms with her. But I can recount some odd things she did that I believe are not atypical.

She was a heavy smoker. I have the impression that most people that have been in mental hospitals smoke, although this may be less true nowadays than it was then.

She didn't keep her car clean. She allowed empty cigarette packs and other trash to accumulate in there. Also her personal hygiene wasn't great. Not that she didn't shower, but she did have a mild feminine odor problem that she didn't seem to recognize as an actual problem, but more like a manifestation of her strong sexuality.

She could be very inappropriate about things relating to sex. For example, she had a pet gerbil she named Fµcker. She would tell anyone who asked that Fµcker was the gerbil's name, seemingly unaware that might shock "respectable" people. For my birthday, she give me a "gag" pair of boxer shorts with a sexually suggestive cartoon decoration — this she did in front of my parents, who remarked later that they thought I was a bit embarrassed by that.

On one occasion she had to leave a movie because she couldn't handle a torture scene, which was apparently a trigger for her due to experiences she'd had during the worst phases of her illness. Didn't go into a detailed explanation, though.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I should mention that my parents actually seemed to like her, especially despite the smoking (with which they normally would have had a problem). I don't think they seriously expected me to marry her, though.

I think I was ill disposed to react to some of this because she was 6 years older than me and that caused me to respect her to some extent. I can see how an older guy might have seen some of these things as "cute quirks" and would have encouraged her in ways relating to executive function. I don't think she would have been offended by a boyfriend who tried to "help" her in that way, if she believed he was serious about her.