Never initiates phone calls?

Post Reply New Topic

So, in general, do aspie girls just not call people or what? I'm just wondering. I've been hanging out with a girl and we continue to hang out, but I've noticed that she's never called to initiate a get-to-gether, but yet she does return phone calls at least.

Is this "normal" for an aspie girl, or is there something that maybe I don't see? We do hang out, and actually for long periods of time (not just the coffee and a movie stuff, but for example we went to a mall for the majority of a day the other day, and enjoyed it).

Do aspie girls just not like to talk on the phone or something? She doesn't like to text or do email, so I don't quite understand this. Unless maybe she's afraid to call an initiate a "date" in fear of a rejection??

Could be both. I know personally I despise talking on the phone because for some reason it makes me feel awkward. This is especially the case when it is someone whose perception of me I really care about.

I also noticed in various articles and blogs I've read, females tend to "not do anything to keep a relationship going" although they may want one....

At least it's a little assuring that it may not be me, but that she must maybe doesn't have much to say....

I figured that if she really wasn't interested she probably wouldn't return calls or return a call when she says she will.

It's not just the girls who are like this sometimes... that's pretty much how I am as well. For me it's not a problem with actually talking on the phone, just with making the call. It wouldn't mean I'm not interested, though... it just feels awkward to make the call unless I have a specific reason for calling and I'm pretty sure it's a good time to call, and it won't be a bother.

I guess that's true. The more I think about it, I don't like talking on the phone myself, partially because I tend to "run out" of things to say, or it's the same thing over and over again..... Funny thing is that when I do call her, I'm the one the ends up ending the call too, so it's never been a situation where she ends a call abruptly.
She's told me that she prefers to talk in person or on the phone, although I do live a bit of a distance from her, so in person doesn't happen as often as I'd like.

I've also read/heard that a lot of people with Aspergers don't like talking on the phone because they can't see the other person, and thus, can't prepare themselves for the conversation or how the other person is perceiving the conversation. For me, that's not really a concern when I call someone.

Don't you text too? It's 2013.

Does she ever initiate texting?

I'm not a girl, but I am the same way- I just do not call people. It simply almost never enters my brain to do so. And when it does, it's at inopportune times.

I hate games but in such situations one should put the other under test.

Does she call if you disappear for 2-3 days?

My motto is, "If she cares, she will think about me and check if I am ALIVE".

Use this test after Valentines, wait for 2-3 days before calling her and see how she would react after such absence. If she doesn't say something like "I miss you" or "Where have you been?" or "Why weren't you calling?" and been too indifferent as nothing happened then it's a very bad sign.

Either way, re-do the test several times, enlarge the scale to 3-4 or even a week, if she NEVER EVER initiates any call or texting then it's a safe bet that she doesn't really care about you.

If that happens, it's time to use the last shot: confront her and tell her that you don't feel she's interested because she never calls or initiates anything, believe me, she would reveal whether she's really interested or not at that moment because she would be cornered. In many cases, girls have this arrogant attitude and would say something like "I initiate only when I feel like it" or "I have no obligation to call you" - then the hell with her.


OR


Use the confrontational method right now.

I know how I am. I really dislike having conversations on the phone. Texting is far better, as is sending pictures and drawings via text/mms/other forms of messaging on smartphones. Just because she doesn't always initiate doesn't mean she doesn't care; she might be getting distracted by something else. Taking it personally will hurt you when she may not mean anything by it.

A test like that would mean the end of the relationship for me. I've lost online friends that way.

Besides not liking to talk on the phone I have trouble initiating contact because I feel like I'm bothering people or I don't know what to say.

^ A "hi, how are you?" doesn't need much effort; if you care about someone you should at least check whether they are fine, healthy or even still breathing.

And it's not really a matter of a "test" but it's an expectation, when I did that I wasn't really thinking of testing her, but I felt that I was always the one initiating everything (texts, calls, dates, outings...etc) so I felt like I sounded too needy and pushing, so I've decided to let her initiate first for the next time - it never happened, then I've came to realization that she doesn't care at all, I could be dead and she wouldn't know. What kind of love and caring is that?

Reciprocity is a must.

I personally don't text and find texting to be a chore since I have a phone that doesn't have a keyboard and it costs me 15 cents every time I send or receive a text. This isn't the case for most people though.

Even if I like someone I'm not an initiator. If they go away because of that, oh well. I'm not really a very social person anyways.

Of course things were different back when I actually dated since few people had cell phones (none that I knew) and text messaging didn't exist.

I only know that I always hate making phone calls. First, I don't like talking on the phone anyway. Second, I always worry that I will be interrupting something, a fear that has often been proven true.

I do like to send an occasional text, though not carry on a conversation that way.