Dating when you don't like food (sensory issues)

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So... turns out NTs really like going out for dinner as a date/social activity. And I REALLY hate it.

I have been seeing a guy for 5 weeks now and he's invited me out to dinner multiple times. A couple of times I've accepted and then once I turn up he asks if I'm hungry or want food, and I have to say "umm.. not really, but we can go when you want to go?" and then we'll do some other activity and I'll try and offer to go get food but it's too hard for me to eat (I had a few bites of something we shared the other night though, so that was an improvement lol..)

There are a few reasons I don't like food. Firstly, I feel less like food when I'm around people or being stimulated by something that's going on in the environment. And especially on a date when there's so much to pay attention to, food is usually the last thing on my mind.

Secondly, since I have ADHD as well as ASD, the medication I take severely reduces my appetite after breakfast.

Lastly though, even when I haven't taken my medication (didn't used to), I just don't like food all that much. I am very picky, most foods don't look/smell/taste that appealing to me. Sometimes thinking about food makes my stomach turn, and chewing sometimes gives me mild nausea (sorry if TMI, but you know how you produce a lot of very watery saliva very rapidly when you're about to vomit? I get that from chewing occasionally, as well as a twinge in my jaw that this is an uncomfortable feeling and I should stop chewing ASAP). I mean I REALLY don't like food. I get around this by having a few staples that are quick to prepare and that I am used to (baked fish and veggies, muesli bar, tub of yoghurt, smoothie). I guess that's the need for routine and my inflexibility coming out, looking at it objectively I can see it's very much an ASD trait, but my reasoning behind it is it's the most convenient way to ...keep myself alive?

Anyway, he wants to get dinner on Monday night after he finishes work. He asked me if I like Indian food and I'm like "Yeah" but no. I mean, Indian food tastes great but I won't be able to eat much and I might feel sick once it's in front of me because it smells so strong. I'm a bit paranoid now because it's going to start looking really strange that I have so much trouble eating, it probably looks like I have an eating disorder (my BMI is only just in the healthy range)

I haven't disclosed my ASD to him yet and I'm sure as hell not going to do that at a restaurant lol (or over text). I don't know what else to say to him because he doesn't seem to accept/understand that I really don't like food. And obviously he needs to eat when we're spending time together and doesn't want to eat alone

This is causing me way more stress than it should

That sucks. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. I can’t relate personally, as I love eating out and food is the best thing in the world to me.

Hopefully your partner will understand, maybe there are other fun events you can do like go to a fair, or do something non food related.

Food is really enjoyable for most people as far as I can tell. I'm so anxious so my post was pure verbal diarrhoea but what I'm wondering:

Would it look like someone had an eating/mental disorder if they insisted they didn't like food?
And would you like someone less if you couldn't bond with them over food?

We did go to a 'festival' last week but if I keep seeing him it's going to involve dinner after work since he works near where I live

I think it’s fairly common for people to either be foodies or non foodies. I would struggle as food is such a large part of my life, but if I liked the person enough, I would happily eat alone.

A lot of people are “eat to live” types, not “live to eat” types, so I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself.

I don’t know what you would say, maybe that you don’t want to spend too much money on dining out?

I've always had problems with this, I have eating disorders and I'm rarely able eat around people, I usually just say I don't like eating out or that I've already eaten and I'm not hungry and this usually works at avoiding the issue, but then most of my relationships have been fairly dysfunctional and generally by the time someone works out that it's an issue for me it's the least of our issues.

When it reaches the point I can't hide the issue any longer I find it comes across allot better to just describe a symptom such as "I don't feel comfortable eating around people", as opposed to outright saying that "I have an eating disorder".

Then why you registered as honeymiel? (which means honey-honey).

He would probably pay for it so I'm not sure that would work :/
But yeah I think even most 'eat to live' types can eat in a social setting

I have a tattoo on my back that says 'honey' ... someone's pet name for me as a teenager

Also written on a perfume I was gifted for my 18th birthday

Honey & Lemon
Miel & Citron

Why are you The Face of Boo?!?!?

Last edited by honeymiel on 11 Jan 2018, 3:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well maybe you could just get something small like a side dish or appetizer, a lot of times its hard for me to really eat a lot at a restaurant as there is a lot of environmental stimulation noises, smells and people moving around so yeah a lot of times I either have to get a regular sized meal and end up putting half in a to-go box for later or I just get one of their sides/appetizers. But yeah not everyone really likes food as an activity to go out of their way for...obviously you have to eat to survive but I don't think its that weird that you don't find it a 'fun' activity to go out and do.

But also maybe suggest other activities you guys could do, don't think it would be that weird if you mention that going out to eat really isn't something you like...a lot of people just default to that because its a fairly normal social thing to go get food together, not so much because they would rather do that than anything else.

Because I AM the FACE OF BOO!

Actually yeah, I know a guy who used to eat just plain rice when we would go out to dinner. He had a mild eating disorder/picky eating issue, so plain rice was a way to eat something without feeling ill or standing out

Just the guy I'm dating REALLY likes food. And partying. And neither are great for me... at least I'm stepping outside my comfort zone though?

Yeah, no, I am not convinced.

Maybe he will hate food forever if you cook for him.

:-€

Not a bad idea