Something to think about..

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So as plenty of people here probably know I am in a good relationship with a man I love...so yeah that is good.

But to get to why I am posting this...well me and my boyfriend want to make friends. Yes believe it or not this aspie girl got with a neurotypical guy...that should mean perfect life and getting friends right? according to some. But no, guess what me and my boyfriend are like just me and him and we both are struggling with wanting to make friends...we love each-other but we have both kind of realized we want more people to interact with. But that seems hard. I mean we have kind of started trying to make friends with some other people in the apartment that are into metal...too early to say if that will evolve into any lasting friendships. But like the point is even once getting into a relationship loneliness can still be a thing. Like you will want others to interact with...just getting a relationship does not satisfy everything.

Also I admit sometimes I worry about looking younger, like my boyfriend does not look below his age but I do. Lol last night I was watching a thing about 'age gap love' lol me and my boyfriend are only like 5 years apart so didn't apply in that sense...because this was like people with 10 years or more of an age gap. But freaked me out a little because they mentioned stigma of people seeing someone older with someone at least 10 years younger. So I guess I just worry even though we are only 5 years apart, with me looking younger than my age, like I could probably pass for a 15 year old or younger if I wanted to. I guess I just worry that maybe people at face value think we are more far apart than age than we are and might judge on that before talking to us. I guess it compounds it that one of my exes mentioned that as a concern, like he wasn't sure how it would look with being with me since I look younger. I mean it did kind of hurt my feelings like, because I can't do anything about it.

So IDk I guess my point is getting a relationship doesn't fix everything, sometimes it might even bring up more stuff with which to question yourself with. Like....are you good enough for the relationship, are you dragging your partner down...like stuff you don't think of or comprehend in the first stages of being madly in love I suppose.

It's not about "fixing everything", it's about feeling like a real man instead of an unattractive, unimportant loser.

I know what you are saying. People have needs, and romantic relationships don't always fill all of those needs. Sometimes it gets boring and monotonous with just your partner.

I mean that makes sense, my point is really getting into a relationship has its own struggles. Like its not happily ever after because you maybe met the right person. Maybe you have to struggle with that person to make ends meet, maybe that struggle can be too much for love to overcome. That is mostly what I mean there is more than just 'loving' someone you have to be willing to commit to them or it wont work. That is what I learned with my parents, so for me I will have to constantly have to make sure we are on the same or simular pages as far as what we want. I mean I do not doubt that my parents were madly in love at some point.....but as life went on they had too many differences to make it work. Me and my siblings suffered through untill finally they got divorced they don't have a talking relationship so its like literally separate relationship with my mom than with my dad. Like try bringing up anything about it and they both rage about how the other wronged them...not sure they will ever get on actual speaking terms.


So I have just had to accept interacting with them very seperately, I mean basically all those divorce issues and feelings of family just falling apart still affects me, having a relationship does not fix any of that s**t....for me maybe it gives me a chance to do something different than what I was raised with. Like maybe me and my boyfriend can stay together forever and in old age we can look back and say....too hell with it, we did us right. I guess that is my point a relationship situation can turn into hell for both people, I saw it with my parents. So my advice is periodically make sure you and your S.O are on the same page.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 27 May 2018, 2:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

So you look 15 years younger than your age? Geez you're lucky. I know some people who'd kill to have that problem.

Not nessisarily like all the time, just saying I could pass for younger....so makes me worried people see us and think I'm some kid with a guy old enough to have a good beard. Basically I guess that show I watched the other day made me worried that if people think we are like 10 years apart they might avoid us due to age gap dating stigma. I mean I do not think we look that far apart...but than again I can likely pass for a lot younger than my boyfriend with his full beard. So could be an irrational concern, I am just not sure.

Valid. Sure, a relationship with no friends would lack platonic fulfilment. I have the opposite problem where I'm satisfied with my friendships but incredibly lonely romantically. I don't care whether I make more friends or not (or at least male friends. I could probably benefit from having more friendships with women though), but I crave a relationship, or at very least something akin to it.

If it came to a choice between having a relationship but no friends or having friends but no relationship, I would choose the first one personally.

Can't blame you too much for your preference, but I believe that dedicating yourself entirely to your significant other is borderline unhealthy. Friends hold just as much importance, even when you're in a relationship.

Agree.

Healthy relationships weren’t modeled in my family of origin. My parents couldn’t teach us what they didn’t know.