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CindySara
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21 May 2018, 6:08 pm

I have really deep feeling (ok, love!) for my guitar teacher. I take private lessons from him; I'm 29 and he's 38. We get along well, but I just don't know whether to tell him my feelings or if that would be totally inappropriate. Help!


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Luhluhluh
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21 May 2018, 6:33 pm

Ooh I would not. Unless such time as maybe you're not taking lessons from him anymore, then you could possibly consider it. But as long as he's your teacher and you're his student, it is an awkward dynamic. I would not recommend it.


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whatamievendoing
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22 May 2018, 9:33 am

I second what Luhluhluh said. This is one of the rare cases where you're best off not telling him how you feel.


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goldfish21
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22 May 2018, 11:43 am

Depends. Is he single? Does he give you any signals that he's also interested in you? Do you want him to know? Are you prepared for things becoming awkward if he's not interested? Are you prepared to stop taking guitar lessons from him if things get awkward?

Only you can decide which outcomes you're prepared to accept. If you can't handle rejection and not taking lessons from him if things get awkward, then maybe it's best to keep your crush to yourself. But if you can handle those things and can't stand not finding out, then maybe it's best for you to let him know and find out what his reaction is. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst kind of thing. Only you can decide whether you want to tell him or not.


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kraftiekortie
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22 May 2018, 11:45 am

At least two Presidents married people who were their teachers.

The teacher/student relationship is "romantic" in many ways.

How does your guitar teacher relate to you?



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22 May 2018, 11:58 am

As a teacher, I think this would be a conflict of interest for the instructor. If you want to tell him you like him, I would suggest finding a new guitar teacher. You could then tell this other person about your feelings without having to worry about how awkward it would be if he rejected or otherwise rebuffed your advances.

Social norms frown upon teachers dating their students. Most colleges and universities have polices against this even though the instructors and most of the students would be consenting adults.

With this being said, I will point out that the current President of France is Emmanuel Macron. He is 39 years old. When he was 15, he fell in love with his high school teacher. They are now married. His wife is 64.

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kraftiekortie
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22 May 2018, 12:08 pm

And they are still together after all these years.....

My first crush on a teacher was when I was 13. That's why I got into literature.



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22 May 2018, 8:47 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Depends. Is he single? Does he give you any signals that he's also interested in you? Do you want him to know? Are you prepared for things becoming awkward if he's not interested? Are you prepared to stop taking guitar lessons from him if things get awkward?

Only you can decide which outcomes you're prepared to accept. If you can't handle rejection and not taking lessons from him if things get awkward, then maybe it's best to keep your crush to yourself. But if you can handle those things and can't stand not finding out, then maybe it's best for you to let him know and find out what his reaction is. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst kind of thing. Only you can decide whether you want to tell him or not.


Good advice.



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22 May 2018, 10:32 pm

I teach music. I no longer maintain a piano studio, but I taught violin, guitar, and piano at one point and have had students of all ages. I’d love to get back into private teaching with woodwinds and music composition eventually, but there’s no rush.

Mileage may vary, of course. But for me personally, this is my worst nightmare.



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22 May 2018, 11:07 pm

I say, you should flirt him up and see how he responds. (But first, make sure he's not married or in a relationship.)

The advantage of flirting is you can always back off if it seems improper. "Aw, I was just kidding."

Flirting is extra hard for Aspies. Try holding his gaze longer than normal, smile at him a lot, mention you enjoy your lessons, things like that. There is also the fine art of non-sexual touching. While you are both laughing at something, pretend to slap his arm (just a light touch). You can also be increasingly personal in your conversation, a little bit at a time. Go slow; since you see him at regular intervals, just do a little bit each day.

If he becomes more reserved, that tells you all you need to know. In any case, it is always a great compliment to another person to show genuine interest in them.


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goldfish21
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23 May 2018, 12:27 am

BeaArthur wrote:
I say, you should flirt him up and see how he responds. (But first, make sure he's not married or in a relationship.)

The advantage of flirting is you can always back off if it seems improper. "Aw, I was just kidding."

Flirting is extra hard for Aspies. Try holding his gaze longer than normal, smile at him a lot, mention you enjoy your lessons, things like that. There is also the fine art of non-sexual touching. While you are both laughing at something, pretend to slap his arm (just a light touch). You can also be increasingly personal in your conversation, a little bit at a time. Go slow; since you see him at regular intervals, just do a little bit each day.

If he becomes more reserved, that tells you all you need to know. In any case, it is always a great compliment to another person to show genuine interest in them.


Depends how good they are at flirting. Some aspiescan subtly pull this off, others don’t have a hope in hell of coming across as anything resembling normal when they make attempts to flirt like you described. So, it depends on how good the op is at doing these things naturally. If the most certain outcome is awkwardly embarrassing herself, IMO, she’d be better off just confessing her attraction to him and asking if it’s mutual at all.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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23 May 2018, 4:09 am

He is just a private guitar teacher, not a school or college teacher who's teaching you within an education institution,

It's the same as if you like your plumber, there's nothing illegal or unethical to date your plumber or your doctor.

I think the people here who are talking about conflict and teaching ethics are exaggerating in their analysis.



goldfish21
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23 May 2018, 1:43 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He is just a private guitar teacher, not a school or college teacher who's teaching you within an education institution,

It's the same as if you like your plumber, there's nothing illegal or unethical to date your plumber or your doctor.

I think the people here who are talking about conflict and teaching ethics are exaggerating in their analysis.


Agreed!

There's a much higher probability that this guitar teacher considers meeting women to date a perk of the job vs. something to be avoided due to professional considerations.


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RetroGamer87
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26 May 2018, 10:11 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
And they are still together after all these years.....

My first crush on a teacher was when I was 13. That's why I got into literature.


You're lucky. Most of my teachers were so horrible and obnoxious than I couldn't possibly get a crush on them. And some of my teachers were actually older than my grandparents.


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