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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 May 2018, 4:35 am

To understand my gf's character , it's all here in that other thread: viewtopic.php?t=363809&p=7898083#p7898083

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Tbh my gf did use to smother me with constant texting - she has a strange motherly type of showing care like constantly wanting to know what I eat when I sleep what I am doing ...

I did hint on more than one occassion that I am not much into this; she thinks i am so aloof.

This morning she sent me this:

Image



Who puts these ideas in their minds??



The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Tbh my gf did use to smother me with constant texting - she has a strange motherly type of showing care like constantly wanting to know what I eat when I sleep what I am doing ...

I did hint on more than one occassion that I am not much into this; she thinks i am so aloof.

This morning she sent me this:

[img]https://i.imgur.com/oUvoeJX.jpg/img]



Who puts these ideas in their minds??


Oh My! I don't know what to say to that. That makes me feel uncomfortable. I am not able to offer that level of "support".


Yeah, you know that 'holy part' of a weekday , between 8 PM an 11 PM? ....which basically is the only leisure time after work (and after gym and shower if it's part of your routine) of the day to read or to watch a series or movie, or to game or even to enjoy eating something at slow pace? (and not in hurry like in a lunch break) You know, it's the only "Me" time one can have - but no, if you're in a relationship , especially with an extrovert you should expect losing at least half of this evening time over replying to text, or to a voice call to tell you what she/he did during the day in detail....too much details. Sigh.



Just a bit of background story: Relationship started as fwb honestly, it was a kind of a lighthearted no-string-attached sexual relationship, as we both don't want to get married and get committed; but she pushed things to develop in a more...'commitment' fashion while me on other hand always kept trying to slow things down and keep them at pace.

I told her yesterday that this is getting too much , the smothering caring as described above- now she's hurt and acting dramatic - :-/ she feels that soon I will ask her to forget me (which isn't the case, but this how she interpreted my request to slow things down).

Honestly, I feel she still doesn't knows me too well yet, and puts me on a pedestal - which is scaring me.

Will it be ever be possible to find a 'balance' that such two persons are both ok with? :| :|



Peacesells
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24 May 2018, 6:42 am

Not saying that being overly attached is fine, but if you work and work out every day 'till 8 pm and then you want to have time alone 'till 11 pm, when do you want to pass time with her? I can't answer properly if I don't understand the situation well.



rdos
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24 May 2018, 6:56 am

She seems like a drama-queen to me. That's fine if you enjoy a lot of drama, but you should consider this as a permanent feature of a relationship with her.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 May 2018, 7:11 am

Peacesells wrote:
Not saying that being overly attached is fine, but if you work and work out every day 'till 8 pm and then you want to have time alone 'till 11 pm, when do you want to pass time with her? I can't answer properly if I don't understand the situation well.


I don't work out daily, but I work 9 to 6 - to reach home it would have been 6:30/7 already.

I don't mind pass time with her but the only way to "pass time with her" during weekdays is via online texting or call- which is ...well, tedious.

And I hate that over a very lengthy time, I mean once she starts texts/talking she talks/texts 1-2 hours straight! Sometimes I interrupt her telling her i need to eat something or take shower, because I really need to do so.



Peacesells
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24 May 2018, 7:25 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Not saying that being overly attached is fine, but if you work and work out every day 'till 8 pm and then you want to have time alone 'till 11 pm, when do you want to pass time with her? I can't answer properly if I don't understand the situation well.


I don't work out daily, but I work 9 to 6 - to reach home it would have been 6:30/7 already.

I don't mind pass time with her but the only way to "pass time with her" during weekdays is via online texting or call- which is ...well, tedious.

And I hate that over a very lengthy time, I mean once she starts texts/talking she talks/texts 1-2 hours straight! Sometimes I interrupt her telling her i need to eat something or take shower, because I really need to do so.

Why is texting or calling tedious? Also texting doesn't have to be instantaneous, you can respond after 5-10 minutes and the world doesn't explode, especially if you text everyday. This way it may be a lot easier for you and you can catch a breath.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 May 2018, 7:37 am

Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Not saying that being overly attached is fine, but if you work and work out every day 'till 8 pm and then you want to have time alone 'till 11 pm, when do you want to pass time with her? I can't answer properly if I don't understand the situation well.


I don't work out daily, but I work 9 to 6 - to reach home it would have been 6:30/7 already.

I don't mind pass time with her but the only way to "pass time with her" during weekdays is via online texting or call- which is ...well, tedious.

And I hate that over a very lengthy time, I mean once she starts texts/talking she talks/texts 1-2 hours straight! Sometimes I interrupt her telling her i need to eat something or take shower, because I really need to do so.

Why is texting or calling tedious? Also texting doesn't have to be instantaneous, you can respond after 5-10 minutes and the world doesn't explode, especially if you text everyday. This way it may be a lot easier for you and you can catch a breath.


Not if it's voice call - or within the same long texting conversation when she's telling you something and expecting you to be listening her.

And she did a big drama before because i was used to reply delayed or disappear for a bit in middle of a convo.



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24 May 2018, 7:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Not saying that being overly attached is fine, but if you work and work out every day 'till 8 pm and then you want to have time alone 'till 11 pm, when do you want to pass time with her? I can't answer properly if I don't understand the situation well.


I don't work out daily, but I work 9 to 6 - to reach home it would have been 6:30/7 already.

I don't mind pass time with her but the only way to "pass time with her" during weekdays is via online texting or call- which is ...well, tedious.

And I hate that over a very lengthy time, I mean once she starts texts/talking she talks/texts 1-2 hours straight! Sometimes I interrupt her telling her i need to eat something or take shower, because I really need to do so.

Why is texting or calling tedious? Also texting doesn't have to be instantaneous, you can respond after 5-10 minutes and the world doesn't explode, especially if you text everyday. This way it may be a lot easier for you and you can catch a breath.


Not if it's voice call - or within the same long texting conversation when she's telling you something and expecting you to be listening her.

And she did a big drama before because i was used to reply delayed or disappear for a bit in middle of a convo.

Explain to her that you need a bit of time for yourself too as you are tired and need to relax after work. Instantaneous texting is stressing. That would be stressing for a NT too I think, but does she know that you have AS?



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24 May 2018, 7:52 am

Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Not saying that being overly attached is fine, but if you work and work out every day 'till 8 pm and then you want to have time alone 'till 11 pm, when do you want to pass time with her? I can't answer properly if I don't understand the situation well.


I don't work out daily, but I work 9 to 6 - to reach home it would have been 6:30/7 already.

I don't mind pass time with her but the only way to "pass time with her" during weekdays is via online texting or call- which is ...well, tedious.

And I hate that over a very lengthy time, I mean once she starts texts/talking she talks/texts 1-2 hours straight! Sometimes I interrupt her telling her i need to eat something or take shower, because I really need to do so.

Why is texting or calling tedious? Also texting doesn't have to be instantaneous, you can respond after 5-10 minutes and the world doesn't explode, especially if you text everyday. This way it may be a lot easier for you and you can catch a breath.


Not if it's voice call - or within the same long texting conversation when she's telling you something and expecting you to be listening her.

And she did a big drama before because i was used to reply delayed or disappear for a bit in middle of a convo.

Explain to her that you need a bit of time for yourself too as you are tired and need to relax after work. Instantaneous texting is stressing. That would be stressing for a NT too I think, but does she know that you have AS?



No, she doesn't know - and I don't have an official diagnosis so that's why i never tell anyone.

It would just sound silly and stupid and no one believes or understands it, believe me I tried with others before.

She's aware I am very introvert , and that's enough.



kraftiekortie
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24 May 2018, 7:54 am

I agree. It's usually dumb to admit that you "have something." Especially if you don't know that you "have it."



Peacesells
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24 May 2018, 7:56 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Not saying that being overly attached is fine, but if you work and work out every day 'till 8 pm and then you want to have time alone 'till 11 pm, when do you want to pass time with her? I can't answer properly if I don't understand the situation well.


I don't work out daily, but I work 9 to 6 - to reach home it would have been 6:30/7 already.

I don't mind pass time with her but the only way to "pass time with her" during weekdays is via online texting or call- which is ...well, tedious.

And I hate that over a very lengthy time, I mean once she starts texts/talking she talks/texts 1-2 hours straight! Sometimes I interrupt her telling her i need to eat something or take shower, because I really need to do so.

Why is texting or calling tedious? Also texting doesn't have to be instantaneous, you can respond after 5-10 minutes and the world doesn't explode, especially if you text everyday. This way it may be a lot easier for you and you can catch a breath.


Not if it's voice call - or within the same long texting conversation when she's telling you something and expecting you to be listening her.

And she did a big drama before because i was used to reply delayed or disappear for a bit in middle of a convo.

Explain to her that you need a bit of time for yourself too as you are tired and need to relax after work. Instantaneous texting is stressing. That would be stressing for a NT too I think, but does she know that you have AS?



No, she doesn't know - and I don't have an official diagnosis so that's why i never tell anyone.

It would just sound silly and stupid and no one believes or understands it, believe me I tried with others before.

She's aware I am very introvert , and that's enough.

A friend told me that the first times with his girlfriend one day there were together until the evening and then she didn't want to let him go play football. He made it clear that very day how things were going to work were they to keep being together, and she didn't bother him about it after that. Perhaps you can just sit with her and talk, making her understand that you need to take a breath too. Is she so ret*d that she wouldn't understand it?



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 May 2018, 8:08 am

Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Not saying that being overly attached is fine, but if you work and work out every day 'till 8 pm and then you want to have time alone 'till 11 pm, when do you want to pass time with her? I can't answer properly if I don't understand the situation well.


I don't work out daily, but I work 9 to 6 - to reach home it would have been 6:30/7 already.

I don't mind pass time with her but the only way to "pass time with her" during weekdays is via online texting or call- which is ...well, tedious.

And I hate that over a very lengthy time, I mean once she starts texts/talking she talks/texts 1-2 hours straight! Sometimes I interrupt her telling her i need to eat something or take shower, because I really need to do so.

Why is texting or calling tedious? Also texting doesn't have to be instantaneous, you can respond after 5-10 minutes and the world doesn't explode, especially if you text everyday. This way it may be a lot easier for you and you can catch a breath.


Not if it's voice call - or within the same long texting conversation when she's telling you something and expecting you to be listening her.

And she did a big drama before because i was used to reply delayed or disappear for a bit in middle of a convo.

Explain to her that you need a bit of time for yourself too as you are tired and need to relax after work. Instantaneous texting is stressing. That would be stressing for a NT too I think, but does she know that you have AS?



No, she doesn't know - and I don't have an official diagnosis so that's why i never tell anyone.

It would just sound silly and stupid and no one believes or understands it, believe me I tried with others before.

She's aware I am very introvert , and that's enough.

A friend told me that the first times with his girlfriend one day there were together until the evening and then she didn't want to let him go play football. He made it clear that very day how things were going to work were they to keep being together, and she didn't bother him about it after that. Perhaps you can just sit with her and talk, making her understand that you need to take a breath too. Is she so ret*d that she wouldn't understand it?


:-/ Hey she's not ret*d.

I did have such talks with her before, it works for a week or so then she reverts to her old habit.



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24 May 2018, 8:10 am

It's the classic case of a woman wanting to "change" a man.

It's because she enjoys the challenge of it.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 May 2018, 8:14 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It's the classic case of a woman wanting to "change" a man.

It's because she enjoys the challenge of it.


I am so noob in this, teach me how to deal with it master!



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24 May 2018, 8:18 am

I ain't no master----trust me!

The only thing I'm "master" at----is "master-bation."

Seriously----that's her motivation. To want to change you.

You have to be stubborn, but still civil and nice to her. That makes her believe that you are solid, and can stand on your own two feet. While keeping your cool.

There are times when you have to compromise, though. I'm not there, so I can't really tell you WHEN to compromise.

But she has to know, always, that she must make concessions, too.



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24 May 2018, 8:19 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
:-/ Hey she's not ret*d.

I did have such talks with her before, it works for a week or so then she reverts to her old habit.

You might want no make her notice that after such talks, in which she agrees with you, she reverts to her old habit after a week and that you should work on that as a couple. Could you try this, you think?



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24 May 2018, 8:20 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
The only thing I'm "master" at----is "master-bation."

Aren't we all? 8)