Platonic love / friendzone *queerish hippie edition*

Post Reply New Topic

I just spilled my guts about some deeply personal genetic & sexual health issues to my female best friend, kind of a 'graysexual' coming out. I told her she's the only one I trust about this. My struggle is about how to tell her I can't replace her, how I worry about finding the time to see her. I I say friend because she also told me she just escaped an abusive relationship & trusts women more, which doesn't deter me because I could take or leave the sexual aspect. Thus, I told her that if I'm a clingy fool, it's because I want to help her feel safe & supported.

I know I'm in the 'friend zone' because I'm an autistic loner with a dark past & no experience. I always forgive her because it's on me to be a radically accepting long-term companion no matter what. I can't ignore the person who brought me past the 'forever alone' crisis. Just finding another girl wouldn't solve any of this, I know someone this accepting comes along once in a lifetime. I know we need more chances to guide each other past all the trauma together but I don't know how to say it simply.

I know this is going to take serious patience & that's OK, for that much I am ready.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I guess all you can do is continue to hang out with her.

How did she react to your "confession?"

She was supportive but still confused about the sexual side of it, not that I'm any less so. My friend said I should text her every week or so to let her know she's in my thoughts. I know my kind of masculinity isn't helping but I can't say I was really attached to that anyway.

I'm really crossing my fingers for some of the LGBTQ people to see this who probably have way more experience with these things. I'm only really a guy outwardly, I don't feel like anything in particular but I can at least love someone & I owe a debt of gratitude to the only person in the world who knows the real me.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Maybe you can text her a few times a week.

Thanks, that I'll do. I still never know what to say though. I can't just send love notes, I need to help her feel included without rushing anything. It's my whole life I'm really talking about, I'd do anything for her.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

If she likes your usual non-sequitur sort of wit (yet which makes sense when the non-sequitors are combined with each other), half the ballgame is won.

I thought the very same thing, actually......

[Boo as usual coming to throw the bomb]

Does she ever initiate texting you? Did she ever send you Good morning or Goodnight first?

She initiates pretty much anything we do together. We're moving slower than day-to-day & she's said she'll call me when she has time.

We just text to check on each other, not much more. We say those things in person instead. She knows I'm an aspie & that I'm no good at messaging. I know she's recovering too, we practice forgiveness about these things.

I guess I'd be worried about said bomb if I were looking for your usual type of thing but I'm simply not. When I text her I just want to make her day & that's it. All I need texting for is making her smile, the back & fourth just gives us anxiety anyway.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Do you wish her to be your girlfriend or not?

That I do, in due time. I wish to be her's no matter what it means.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Is she way more attractive than you?

Like she looks like a hot celeb while you look like the typical geek who lets himself go?

She's stunning & I'm pretty fit at least but it's not like we're into conventional aesthetics really. We've known each other for eight years or so, there's a lot more than surface level thoughts going on.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos