Why do we struggle with romance?

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Why do us guys on the spectrum find it awkward/anxiety provoking talking too women? Also why do we struggle with romantic relationships compared too the average person?

Honestly? Perception.

From the get go we view relationships from a very immature standpoint, but unlike others it can take considerably longer to re-calibrate how we think about relationships.

I don't think Aspies struggle with romance, though. Romance in itself can be fairly innocent and simple. But realising that romance, and in a healthy way...yeah that can be a problem. We are obsessives.

Why are we obssesives?

Think about it.
You're obsessed with this topic, are you not?
You make new threads about it, almost on a daily basis.
Even in other sub forums all you talk about is women, your looks, coupling, intimacy..
Look at your peers in this thread. Pretty similar, right?

To counteract what TheSpectrum said, we actually do struggle with romance, because romance is a form of social interaction, and well know how well that goes for aspies.

Relationships require good social skills, common interests, caring, understanding, and confidence...and Aspies usually aren't good at those things.

When it comes to getting romantic partners, Aspie women usually have it a little better than Aspie guys, because being socially awkward, shy, quirky, etc., are generally overlooked in favor of physical appearance (at least in the beginning of the relationship). Although Aspie women may get more partners, many seem to get involved in mentally and/or physically abusive relationships. So, that being said, neither really does great in the romance department.

Because typical aspie traits aren't very masculine. Or at least they don't align with the western view of masculinity.

Also a lot of aspies have problems with keeping a full-time job.

Solid relationships rely on solid communication. Having a communication disorder makes that difficult.

It was definitely the social skills and communication skills that killed my son's relationship with his girlfriend, and that was despite her knowing it was going to be a tricky area (she had an ASD brother). Despite knowing it intellectually, she just couldn't turn off her natural emotional reactions to the blunt and tactless things my son would say. She got really hurt by his words and his actions, and he hates himself for unintentionally hurting her.

As for getting into relationships ... if you can't read all the social cues indicating interest, how do you know who to ask out? My son pretty much waits for women to ask him out or otherwise make it obvious. I think there have been many girls who would have dated him that he was just blind to.

Lack of well paid job and car is it for me. I don’t and will never have my life together, a lot of other aspie men won’t either. It’s pretty universally unattractive according to society

There is an equal amount of Neurotypical men who have crappy jobs (or no job) and they don't have their lives together, either. And they still have girlfriends.

Life is about perception.

when in science-hs the classroom had mostly boys, geeky guys and some girls, all the geek-boys, if at all, those pacing in the breaks not so much, were obviously charmed by one girl, the one with the round face and rudely ignoring the others, do i see a nearly autistic tendency??

Those men tend to either be physically attractive or charismatic though. Not 'having your life together', lacking in social skills AND being physically unattractive tends to get you not very far with romantic relationships. Particularly if trying to initiate connections with romantic connotations from the get-go, some superficial traits are necessary to capture someone's interest and demonstrate to them why they should investigate the possibility of forming a relationship with you as opposed to the next guy/girl.

Nobody starts off with the perception that no one will be interested in them romantically. That perception is formed over time through experience (or lack thereof). Changing one's perception will not necessarily change their circumstances if their perception is informed by their circumstances to begin with.

I think my biggest relationship issue related to Aspergers is that I have LOTS of misunderstandings. I'm too direct, straight-forward & I do NOT get hints. I inadvertently upset LOTS of people because they took things I said the wrong way or I did not understand things they said.

I agree. Not having a good paying job, or vehicle, isn't exactly the most attractive thing to females, but they aren't deal breakers. These things are further down on the priority list than most guys think.

Most of them don’t have girlfriends though. They’ve done studies.
Some can lie and talk their way into relationships and some women don’t care about a mans income or life but both are minorities

There on women on wrong planet will say they deal breaks as well as most women I’ve seen on dating sites, social Media and studies show it too. Sorry but to a lot of women not having your life together is a huge deal breaker. How many women have you seen who’s date a guy on disability or who’s unemployed or even just working a crappy job living paycheck to paycheck?

You’re just being delusional. The world isn’t a a nice place. Especially the west where everyone wants to be middle class and sees middle class as the only way to live.
There’s a lot of discrimination towards poor men.