Could someone's voice be a "deal breaker" for you?

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Magna
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24 Jul 2018, 3:52 pm

I thought of this topic because a customer came in to work today to talk with one of my co-workers and the woman's voice was so grating to me that I had to put on my noise cancelling headphones until she left. Aside from her talking very loudly, it was nasal, high pitched, whiny all at the same time.

I've told my wife in the past that I like the timbre and pitch of her voice very much. It's easy on my ears. Not high pitched and not manly. Perfect! I told her it's one of the many things I like about her, actually.

I told her that I would not be able to be with a woman who had a voice I found to be very grating. She told me that was a shallow thing to say. I don't think it is. I'm hyper-sensitive to sounds with certain sounds being REALLY irritating to me. Those sounds strike some sort of chord in my nervous system in a bad way. The sounds that strike me that way are sounds that I don't think I could get used or learn to like.

Long intro and this is more of a dating question in which someone is considering a meaningful relationship with someone: Could you overlook their voice if it was actually grating on your nerves?



Fnord
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24 Jul 2018, 4:02 pm

Magna wrote:
... Aside from her talking very loudly, it was nasal, high pitched, whiny all at the same time.
More like Rosanne Barr or Fran Drescher? The former gets on my nerves, while the latter is actually pleasant.
Magna wrote:
I told her that I would not be able to be with a woman who had a voice I found to be very grating. She told me that was a shallow thing to say.
Shallow? No.

"Shallow" would be rejecting someone for not being wealthy, for being under/over weight, for not living in the "right" neighborhood, et cetera. If someone's voice sets your teeth on edge, if their B.O. makes you nauseous, or if they're too "touchy-feely", then it's ample reason to reject them.


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hurtloam
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24 Jul 2018, 4:07 pm

I don't thinking shallow either. I'm sensitive to sound as well. I couldn't be with someone who had a grating voice.

I think.most NTs would also agree. One of the jokes in friends was how grating Janice's voice was. It made her irritating.



kraftiekortie
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24 Jul 2018, 5:02 pm

Fran Dreschler has a heavy New York accent. Her voice is low (in terms of sound). She's an "alto." But the way she speaks is pleasant, even seductive sometimes.

Roseann Barr has a heavy sort of "general American" accent. Her delivery is pretty "rough," not pleasing, not seductive. Very blunt. Her voice is relatively low, too----but actually not all that low. Her cadence/rhythm when she speaks is not really nice. But it wouldn't be a dealbreaker if a woman I love had that sort of voice. As long as she's nice otherwise.



SilverStar
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24 Jul 2018, 7:38 pm

I'm not sure if it's an issue for women, or not, but I hear guy's complaining about women's voices all the time. I don't think it's an uncommon thing. It seems that loud, deep, high-pitched, nasal, and scratchy voices are not as attractive.



nick007
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25 Jul 2018, 1:48 am

I'm not that bothered by different voices thou they are some I don't like. I'm pretty sure I'd learn to get used to her voice & even find it cute after a while even if I thought it was pretty bad at 1st.


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yellowtamarin
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25 Jul 2018, 1:52 am

While I could ask my partner to eat in another room if they are going to screech their cutlery, or to change their phone's ringtone if it's an unpleasant sound, or other such things...I can't really make my partner stop talking to me. So, I think it is reasonable to say that a partner with a grating voice might be romantically incompatible.



hale_bopp
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25 Jul 2018, 2:48 am

Yeah I think so. I also hate mine.



SabbraCadabra
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25 Jul 2018, 5:18 am

Probably.

I had a math teacher once who had a really terrible voice, but other than that, I think I've been pretty lucky on that front.

Most girls have pretty cute voices, I think. Or at least they have voices that match their personality, so I think there's a high chance that the voice alone wouldn't be the only deal-breaker.


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whatamievendoing
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25 Jul 2018, 5:28 am

I want to say an unpleasant voice wouldn't be a deal-breaker to me, but I'm not sure it'd be entirely truthful. There are certain types of voices I can't bear to listen to.


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25 Jul 2018, 5:48 am

I find most comments here pretty unnerving. I've often heard people say they couldn't stand voices I liked, especially high-pitched voices from small women. They seem to awaken some kind of inborn contempt I either lack entirely or have repressed since my early childhood and don't remember possessing. It strikes me as a similar response to the instinctive contempt for men who show certain weaknesses---people don't just dislike them, but feel an active, pressing urge to beat the crap out of them. This seems alien to me, too---probably because, more often than not, I'd be the one triggering this reäction in others, at least in my childhood and teens.

In the latter case, people sense those men are too weak to be worth keeping in their tribe. Even though males are the expendable sex, I'd hypothesize that the women in the former case are sensed to be unable, due to their small size and the genes codifying it, to bear any offspring worth keeping around, which means they themselves would be worthless to their tribe in the ancestral environment.


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25 Jul 2018, 11:38 am

SilverStar wrote:
I'm not sure if it's an issue for women, or not, but I hear guy's complaining about women's voices all the time. I don't think it's an uncommon thing. It seems that loud, deep, high-pitched, nasal, and scratchy voices are not as attractive.


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DW_a_mom
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25 Jul 2018, 7:21 pm

The funny thing about falling for someone is that some of the things you might otherwise find annoying suddenly just don't seem very important. If you were meant to be with a woman who had a grating voice, the reality is that somehow you wouldn't notice it was grating. Or you would think it was cute. And so on. Except when angry at her, maybe ;)

There is no "never" in the world of pheromones.

If you find someone's voice grating, they simply must not be your person.

And since you are already married, it isn't an issue you have to give another moment's thought to.


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Fnord
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25 Jul 2018, 7:27 pm

It isn't so much the pitch of a woman's voice as it is the timbre of her voice.

If the pitch is high, and the timbre of her voice resembles that of Glinda the Good Witch, then okay; but if the timbre of her voice resembles that of the Wicked Witch of the West, then no.


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yellowtamarin
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26 Jul 2018, 1:58 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
The funny thing about falling for someone is that some of the things you might otherwise find annoying suddenly just don't seem very important. If you were meant to be with a woman who had a grating voice, the reality is that somehow you wouldn't notice it was grating. Or you would think it was cute. And so on. Except when angry at her, maybe ;)

There is no "never" in the world of pheromones.

If you find someone's voice grating, they simply must not be your person.

I feel like this forgets about actual sensitivities due to autism. E.g. it doesn't matter how much I love someone, if they make a screeching sound with their cutlery on a plate, I'm going to have a physical and emotional reaction - it's unbearable. And it never goes away. Even if I do it myself, it's horrible. If someone's voice had that effect, I imagine it would be the same. I couldn't just get used to it. So it would be tragic, if they were otherwise well suited to me.



Sabreclaw
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26 Jul 2018, 5:42 am

Spiderpig wrote:
I find most comments here pretty unnerving. I've often heard people say they couldn't stand voices I liked, especially high-pitched voices from small women. They seem to awaken some kind of inborn contempt I either lack entirely or have repressed since my early childhood and don't remember possessing. It strikes me as a similar response to the instinctive contempt for men who show certain weaknesses---people don't just dislike them, but feel an active, pressing urge to beat the crap out of them. This seems alien to me, too---probably because, more often than not, I'd be the one triggering this reäction in others, at least in my childhood and teens.

In the latter case, people sense those men are too weak to be worth keeping in their tribe. Even though males are the expendable sex, I'd hypothesize that the women in the former case are sensed to be unable, due to their small size and the genes codifying it, to bear any offspring worth keeping around, which means they themselves would be worthless to their tribe in the ancestral environment.


Or their voices are just annoying to listen to.