Who pays?

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I have friend who dated an escort, and he said she liked to pay for things; she always grabbed the check at dinner, and also bought him gifts. Later I read a Reddit post which described the same thing, and a Google search then found other, similar results. Is there a reason for this? One commenter said that it was because she wanted the relationship to feel different from work.

I’ve never had that impulse myself; in fact, quite the opposite (and I know a lot of girls who feel as I do). I’ve only had the one non-commercial relationship with a man since I started full-time sex work, but even in the dilettante days of my youth I felt the same way: I’m already bringing something of economic value to the table, and it’s up to him to match it with financial support. I’m only talking about the economic dimension of the relationship; I see the emotional and social dimensions as totally reciprocal by necessity. But frankly speaking, if I were to pay a man’s way I’d feel as though I were paying for his love rather than for sex, and though that may be perfectly OK in some women’s minds it certainly isn’t in mine. Now, it’s completely different in my lesbian relationships; with another woman I feel as though we’re both bringing sex and love to the table, and the question of “Who pays?” has less to do with the mating dance and more to do with the pragmatic question of who can afford it.

That’s not to say, however, that my way of looking at it (in either heterosexual or homosexual contexts) is “correct” or even typical; everyone has to do what works for her, even if it’s unconventional or would be seen by many others as “wrong”. And if being the paying partner works for some of my sisters, who am I to judge them? Perhaps they like the novelty (“she wanted the relationship to feel different from work”) and/or perhaps they get a sense of independence or even control by paying. Or perhaps they simply view it pragmatically, as I do when I’m dating a woman. And be sure to watch the comment thread below, because if any of my sex worker readers have other reasons she may tell them there. If it were me, I’d worry that a guy I was paying for all the time might only be there because I was doing that, or that he was developing a sense of entitlement to it, or that he secretly resented it or felt emasculated. However, I’m the Princess of Paranoia and often overthink such things; none of them might be true, and even if one were it might not matter to the lady in question as much as it would to me. The most important thing is that both partners feel comfortable with an arrangement, whether it’s “normal” or not; it’s only when one or both of them isn’t (or allows outsiders to convince him or her that he or she isn’t) that problems arise.

What exactly is your point quoting that comment? I don't see anything in it that disproves the thesis above.

I actually wondered the same thing - your point was what in posting the original article? Because I noted quite a bit of disdain in your comment, such as: "This also means a man who isn't actually earning his keep has morally no right to get close to a woman, and should in fact be very grateful for as much as being allowed to know that such magical creatures exist."

And, as evidenced by the comment I posted that was right after the article, there are men who believe that they should be the ones who pay. Hence, why I said it's important to find someone whose values match your own.

So again - what was YOUR point in posting the original post? You agree? You disagree? What?

Society says it’s the only way. That women are by default more valuable. Women here on wp have said it’s cause when you date you’re paying for her time. So women’s time valueable and not worth wasting on men to get to know them.
Shouldn’t both be giving time to get to know another human and see if they like each other? Why is one gender more valuable by default?

How do you find women who don’t in a society that says they should? Very tough very tough indeed.

Women's time is not more valuable than men's.

But if you ask someone out and they don't offer to pay, just pay. After all, you were the one asking them out...

If they offer to pay half or even all of it, even better.

I actually wondered the same thing - your point was what in posting the original article? Because I noted quite a bit of disdain in your comment, such as: "This also means a man who isn't actually earning his keep has morally no right to get close to a woman, and should in fact be very grateful for as much as being allowed to know that such magical creatures exist."

And, as evidenced by the comment I posted that was right after the article, there are men who believe that they should be the ones who pay. Hence, why I said it's important to find someone whose values match your own.

So again - what was YOUR point in posting the original post? You agree? You disagree? What?

Society says it’s the only way. That women are by default more valuable.

Women here on wp have said it’s cause when you date you’re paying for her time. So women’s time valueable and not worth wasting on men to get to know them.

Shouldn’t both be giving time to get to know another human and see if they like each other?

Why is one gender more valuable by default?

How do you find women who don’t in a society that says they should? Very tough very tough indeed.

The cultural double-standard exists because it makes sense, brother. People have been conditioned to automatically grimace at the term “double standard” – but in some cases a double standard is merited.

Men and Women are NOT alike – not by a long shot. You want a hot wife you better compete for her by doing things like paying for dates. Don’t want to do it? Fine – some other guy will come along and do it and win her for himself.

Second, I don’t give a s**t what feminists say – women will never be equal with men in the workforce because of one thing … they bear children. You get married – you SHOULD be the primary income earner. It’s almost impossible for a woman to keep up with men professionally when she has to take off every few years to birth a child … YOUR CHILD. And, in 90 percent of marriages she’s the one busing those kids around town, taking them to school and to the doctor. Be honest … she’s also the one cleaning MOST of the house. So a double standard here is merited. Most women will never realize the kind of professional success that you do – so you SHOULD compensate them for it.

And … if you really want to get down to it … men are looking for physically hot women … but women are looking for men with BIG …

WALLETS.

Feminists call men “shallow” for focusing on looks. Beta males call women “shallow” for focusing on the wallet – but in an evolutionary sense – it all makes sense.

Women … SHOULD DEMAND that men treat them in a chivalrous manner … always. Men … well, we are only as good as women demand us to be. In the present culture – women don’t demand much from us … so most men are asses. You can blame this on feminists – who have (probably unknowingly) worked to eliminate the double standard by insisting that men and women are the same.

Because, on average, the man is much more interested in the woman's company than vice-versa. That's how markets work.

But if you ask someone out and they don't offer to pay, just pay. After all, you were the one asking them out...

I think the person that's ask's should be the one to pay.

Eh. You may be surprised that there are women who actually act like human beings and are very interested in getting to know men. Some of us not only make the first moves but we also actually - GASP - pay our own way and theirs too if needed.

It might also surprise you that there are some men who don't like that. They'd rather the women take the subservient role.

That's nice and all. To each their own. I prefer to make my own money and not have to rely on anyone.