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Dating article with good advice for Aspies!

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BTDT
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20 Aug 2018, 9:13 am

http://theessentialman.com/how-to-ask-a ... rejection/
When it comes to asking women out on dates, here’s how that looks:

Asking a woman you like out on a date -> Talking and flirting with an attractive woman (without losing your s**t) -> Complimenting an attractive woman -> Complimenting a woman you’re not attracted to/stranger -> Complimenting a stranger.

You can’t fake confidence into existence, you build it up.

You start from the bottom and work your way to the top. Start by giving a stranger, male or female, an authentic compliment. Make it low stakes – the guy making your coffee. The person in line in front of you.



Fnord
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20 Aug 2018, 9:22 am

So...

... lose enough weight to be considered 'healthy' by a doctor.

... ask for a date (not to simply meet or "hang out").

... graciously take 'No' for an answer (Smile, laugh it off, say "Thanks, anyway!", and then leave her alone.)

... if she accepts, make the venue of the date interesting for her.

What's not to understand?


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rdos
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20 Aug 2018, 9:57 am

It's all pretty worthless, and I'm sure the more you master this "game", the more NTs you will have success with, which is a big failure in itself.



rdos
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20 Aug 2018, 10:00 am

BTDT wrote:
Asking a woman you like out on a date -> Talking and flirting with an attractive woman (without losing your s**t) -> Complimenting an attractive woman -> Complimenting a woman you’re not attracted to/stranger -> Complimenting a stranger.


Compliments are mostly appreciated by NTs, and so this directly sets you up with NTs (provided you succeed with faking it).

BTDT wrote:
You can’t fake confidence into existence, you build it up.


Sure, but dating is often a road to complete failure for NDs, and so dating and asking for a date are paths to failure.



Fnord
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20 Aug 2018, 10:01 am

rdos wrote:
It's all pretty worthless, and I'm sure the more you master this "game", the more NTs you will have success with, which is a big failure in itself.
Why not drop the "sour grapes" attitude and post something useful, oh Grand-Master of the PUAs? :roll:


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Tequila
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20 Aug 2018, 10:03 am

Fnord wrote:
... if she accepts, make the venue of the date interesting for her.

What's not to understand?


I'm not bloody entertainments manager you know.

Honestly, women are such hard work. If it's like that, they can piss off and like it.



Fnord
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20 Aug 2018, 10:07 am

Tequila wrote:
... Honestly, women are such hard work...
Of course they are! But every great reward is preceded by great effort (except the Lottery...).

Whaddaya expect -- a bikini model to come out of Nowhere to knock on your door and be your sex-slave for life?

High Expectations + Low Effort == little or no results (again, unless you win the Lottery).


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Last edited by Fnord on 20 Aug 2018, 10:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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20 Aug 2018, 10:13 am

Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
It's all pretty worthless, and I'm sure the more you master this "game", the more NTs you will have success with, which is a big failure in itself.
Why not drop the "sour grapes" attitude and post something useful, oh Grand-Master of the PUAs? :roll:


There is a need to tell aspies that dating is not something they should involve in. Neither is PUA.



rdos
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20 Aug 2018, 10:13 am

Fnord wrote:
Tequila wrote:
... Honestly, women are such hard work...
Of course they are! But every great reward is preceded by great effort (except the Lottery...).

Whaddaya expect -- a bikini model to come out of Nowhere to knock on your door and be your sex-slave for life?

High Expectations + Low Effort == little or no results (again, unless you win the Lottery).


There are different types of effort. The effort of mass-dating is simply not worth it for many NDs.



HighLlama
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20 Aug 2018, 10:20 am

Fnord wrote:
oh Grand-Master of the PUAs? :roll:


I have to say, this phrase gave me a well-needed laugh today. Thanks, Fnord.



HighLlama
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20 Aug 2018, 10:21 am

Fnord wrote:
Whaddaya expect -- a bikini model to come out of Nowhere to knock on your door and be your sex-slave for life?


They say if you want to be successful at something, picture it.



Fnord
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20 Aug 2018, 10:21 am

rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
rdos wrote:
It's all pretty worthless, and I'm sure the more you master this "game", the more NTs you will have success with, which is a big failure in itself.
Why not drop the "sour grapes" attitude and post something useful, oh Grand-Master of the PUAs? :roll:
There is a need to tell aspies that dating is not something they should involve in...
So who made YOU the expert on what all aspies should do? Since when are YOU the final arbitrator in aspie relationships?

All of the "I can't get a girlfriend" threads on this website eventually reveal themselves to be "I've given up trying to get a girlfriend" threads -- the aspies posting them might have half-heartedly tried one or two suggestions once or twice, alright; but then they give up because they haven't attracted their ideal woman (usually the girlfriend of a 'jerk'). That's when they start complaining about how all of the 'jerks' are getting all of the 'hotties', and how they don't understand how it can be that way.

Just because YOU strike out every time at bat does not mean that the entire league should disbanded; it only means that either you should spend more time at batting practice, or quietly give up trying to play in the major leagues.


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Fnord
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20 Aug 2018, 10:22 am

HighLlama wrote:
Fnord wrote:
oh Grand-Master of the PUAs? :roll:
I have to say, this phrase gave me a well-needed laugh today. Thanks, Fnord.
Thanks! Sarcastic irony is one of my specialties. :D


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Fnord
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20 Aug 2018, 10:24 am

HighLlama wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Whaddaya expect -- a bikini model to come out of Nowhere to knock on your door and be your sex-slave for life?
They say if you want to be successful at something, picture it.
"They" also say that our goals should be reasonable. I mean, if you want to meet that bikini model, maybe you would do better put down that game controller, get up, put on your swimsuit, and head toward the beach, right?

(I'm speaking metaphorically here.)


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BTDT
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20 Aug 2018, 10:25 am

A characteristic of autism is that you need things spelled out for you in detail.

This article does a very good job of doing that.



HighLlama
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20 Aug 2018, 10:29 am

Fnord wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Whaddaya expect -- a bikini model to come out of Nowhere to knock on your door and be your sex-slave for life?
They say if you want to be successful at something, picture it.
"They" also say that our goals should be reasonable. I mean, if you want to meet that bikini model, maybe you would do better put down that game controller, get up, put on your swimsuit, and head toward the beach, right?

(I'm speaking metaphorically here.)


Of course :) I was just being sarcastic, myself. I'll take Camille Paglia over Cindy Crawford any day.