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nick007
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01 Feb 2020, 4:07 am

Basically I type very loudly & always have, especially when I'm typing fast. We recently moved a couple months ago & at our old place my computer was put in the small bedroom which was also used for guests & my stuff. That worked fine for a while but then my girlfriend wanted a room to do arts & crafts & other stuff. She took out a piece of my furniture & put her desk in there & then literally NEVER did arts & crafts in that room or anything else for that matter except when she was talking to me or using my computer. When we moved to our new place Cass told me that the computer was gonna be put in our bedroom & the other bedroom would be for guests & for her to do her arts & crafts. She wanted a private room to go to. That room is still not fixed up yet, it's a mess in there. Anyways I specially warned Cass when she made that decision(which she did entirely on her own) that my typing is loud & she has sensitive hearing so my typing might keep her up. Anyways you guys can guess what's happening. My typing is bothering her when she's trying to sleep & she doesn't want me typing much when she's trying to sleep. That would be fine if we both had routine sleep schedules & went to bed around the same time usually. However we both have very inconsistent sleep schedules, especially Cass. & she's some of why I do not have a consistent sleep schedule. For example she sometimes goes back to bed a couple hours after she's up. When we're both up we have things we need to do like shopping & appointments & then we also spend a lot of time together which we both like. Some days about the only time I really have a chance to be on computer a while is when Cass is asleep & I'm not ready for bed. That would be fine at our old place when my bedroom was across from Cass's bedroom but it sometimes causes a problem at our new place since she's sleeping in the same room with my computer. She already sleeps with earplugs but she's VERY sensitive to sounds sometimes & is still able to hear my typing a little. I think the solution is simple, we should move my computer to her room or the bed that we both sleep in should be moved to the other room. However Cass is against either option because she wants to be able to have her alone time in that room(whenever she FINALLY gets around to having the room fixed up that is) but I also like having a room to go to for alone time & I really do not like being forced to stay off my computer or type very slowly for hours while she's in bed & I'm up. I don't like feeling forced to stay in the living-room for hours watching TV while Cass is sleeping & I'm up in order for me not to disturb her sleep. We got into a heated argument last night cuz my typing was bothering her while she was trying to sleep & I didn't wanna feel forced to be off my computer. I went to the living-room for a couple hours before I was ready for bed but I made it very known I was unhappy about it. Tonight a little while ago when Cass went to bed, she want sleep in the other room on the mattress which is on the floor cuz the bed isn't put together yet. I think Cass is being very stupid & stubborn by insisting that my computer stays in the bedroom with the big bed when she knows full well that my typing bothers her. But I'm also feeling horribly guilty by making Cass feel forced to sleep in the other room. I know sleeping in the other room is more uncomfortable for her & she doesn't sleep well anyways due to pain issues & mental stuff. I also really like sleeping with Cass when we're both in bed at the same time; one of the major things I hated about being single was sleeping alone. I feel like I'm being a total dick by making her want to sleep in the other room but at the same time I strongly believe I should have the right to use my computer when I have a chance & want to. Cass is planning to spend the weekend with family so she won't be here for the next 3 nights if plans don't fall through(plans were made before we had the argument last night) so that gives me the weekend to enjoy using my computer guilt free but I'm not sure what will happen after Cass is back. Does anyone have any ideas, suggestions, or thoughts on this?


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NorthWind
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01 Feb 2020, 4:30 am

You're not being unreasonable.

That said, having someone type loudly in the same room while they're trying to sleep, would bother a lot of people. Putting the computer in a different room would be a better solution. You're both living in the same home. There's no reason why she should have a room to herself you mustn't use but you don't, especially if she neither really uses nor needs it.

I suppose you don't have much money. If you could afford it and don't need very much computing power, a laptop might solve the problem too. You could just use it in whichever room is available.



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Feb 2020, 3:15 pm

A cheaper solution: Seek for a silent keyboard; ditch your mechanical one.

There are keyboards which are totally touch-based or low-profile like laptop’s ones.



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01 Feb 2020, 4:44 pm

When you are a couple, the couple has to work out the solutions and people have to take responsibility for their decisions. If she wants the computer in the bedroom, she has to listen to the typing. Her choice.

Her choice of putting dibs on the extra room, when she isn't even using it, is detrimental to both of you. Or, if she wants to use it as sleep, then she needs to sleep there. It is her choice and you are not responsible for any pain she has from sleeping on the floor in "her" room.

My husband stays up later than I do on the weekends and he likes to watch movies late into the night. So he uses ear phones. If he is snoring or sleeping restlessly and I am bothered, I go sleep on the couch. It is my choice and I am fine with it. We have only two rooms total. One bedroom and one living/dining/kitchen area.

That said, if you can, find a solution that works for both of you, so much the better. There are some pretty powerful laptops out there now. Or get a silent keyboard. I don't think I could type on a silent keyboard. And perhaps you can't afford the really top of the line laptops.

In that case, you are back to negotiating space vs silence. This is one of the key skills in partnerships and it has to be about something besides winning and losing.


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02 Feb 2020, 4:25 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A cheaper solution: Seek for a silent keyboard; ditch your mechanical one.
There are keyboards which are totally touch-based or low-profile like laptop’s ones.

This. There exist quite silent mechanical keybords too. And there are shops where you can test several different types of keyboards. You can also add more than one to your computer and change them at night.


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02 Feb 2020, 7:44 pm

To me it sounds like she is being unreasonable. In a partnership you compromise and come up with a situation that works for both of you. Moving the computer into the other room does sound like a good idea especially if she barely uses it, claiming a room all to yourself in a partnership seems very unreasonable since you both live in the same house and are a couple. Now if you had more rooms maybe but at this point she may have to accept the fact that she will not be able to have a room to herself or have alone time for a limited amount of time.

Buying a new keyboard is just ridiculous when you don't actually have to. It also makes it worse since you warned her beforehand that you type loudly so in my opinion you shouldn't have to go out of your way to fix a problem that she started AND could've prevented from happening. Don't feel guilty, she made the decision to put the computer in the main bedroom(even if there were alternatives) and now it's bothering her. She's trying to "have her cake and eat it too" in a situation that can't support it.


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03 Feb 2020, 1:54 am

Assuming that you don't want to go out and buy a silent keyboard or laptop, there doesn't seem to be an obvious solution without your girlfriend coming to the table and compromising.

If I were you, I'd start to approach this issue by asking your girlfriend what she thinks would be a reasonable way to approach the computer issue. If she says she thinks you should just not use the computer when she wants to sleep, you can say that you don't find that solution to be very reasonable, or suitable for your needs. You can then go on to make the point that when she wants a whole other room for herself, she gets it, but when you want something as measly and as reasonable as being able to access your computer when you please with no issues, that can't be accommodated for.

An alternate strategy would be to go straight up to her and tell her that you intend to use the computer whenever you please, whether she's asleep or not, and you can then ask her where she'd prefer you set it up with that in mind.



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03 Feb 2020, 2:34 am

I think you need to sit down and talk this one out, for some reason I think its possible this could be about something other than the computer noise.



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03 Feb 2020, 8:32 am

I think you are being very reasonable and accommodating.
I also think this may be about something else that she is not being transparent about. It will out itself in due time. Try to keep your cool when it does show itself as I think it is simmering beneath the surface.
A new option may be to put your computer/office on a rolling cart or desk and move as needed. A bit cumbersome but hopefully your floors and doors won’t make it too difficult. This may also only have to be a temporary solution until she calms enough to release the spare room to you or at least says what needs to be said.
Does she want a baby?
Does she want a family member to come live with you?
I can be so oblivious to what other people are trying to tell me, maybe you are missing something obvious and can gently tell her you feel as if you are missing something and could she help you out by being more blunt.



nick007
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04 Feb 2020, 6:49 am

Cass planned to use my room at our old place but the neighbors started stressing us out, especially her & she doesn't handle stress well. We kinda both decided that moving would be the best option & we got on waiting lists for places. Getting on the lists took a while & then we had to wait around a long while before our names came up. The whole process took a long time. She started packing a little during that time & her using my room got abandoned cuz it didn't make sense for her to finish getting it set up for her to use if we'd be moving soon. We didn't know the process for our names to come up would take as long as it did.

Cass has been organizing the bedroom at our new place that she plans to use for her but she can only do a little at a time. Some bad things happened in her family around the time we moved that's really upsetting her. I don't wanna go into it here but it is very understandable for her to be upset & stressed & have a hard time doing work that isn't essential with those things weighing on her. As for as why she decided that room was for her. She wants to be able to do certain things that she hasn't done in a long time & feels having a room to herself would be better for her to do em. I also had a room to myself for 7 years that we were living at our old place & Cass feels it should be her time to have a room for her which I can understand. I think the best thing would be a two bedroom place that has a small office that I could put my computer in & maybe some other stuff. Places like that are extremely hard to find for very low income people like us.

I LOVE sleeping with her so I hate the idea of her sleeping in the other room when I go to bed. I cant afford a laptop rite now & I don't have great vision & laptop screens are hard on my eyes. I should look into quieter keyboards. I didn't really know that was a thing or at least a thing that average person could get. That would be the best realistic solution if the keyboards are decent & don't cost a huge amount.


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04 Feb 2020, 7:45 am

I didn't read closely but take it the computer stays in the bedroom so silent keyboard seems like the best bet, ear plugs physical hurt. This is about you two finding a mutually beneficial solution, not who has "rights".



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Feb 2020, 12:13 pm

Why potentially clash over this; just buy the damn f- silent keyboard. Take her with you to test it.



nick007
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04 Feb 2020, 2:54 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why potentially clash over this; just buy the damn f- silent keyboard. Take her with you to test it.
Good point. I don't know where we can go around here that would sell em & let alone let us test em. I guess maybe Staples or Best Buy but I'd look online & do some research 1st


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AquaineBay
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04 Feb 2020, 8:31 pm

nick007 wrote:
Cass planned to use my room at our old place but the neighbors started stressing us out, especially her & she doesn't handle stress well. We kinda both decided that moving would be the best option & we got on waiting lists for places. Getting on the lists took a while & then we had to wait around a long while before our names came up. The whole process took a long time. She started packing a little during that time & her using my room got abandoned cuz it didn't make sense for her to finish getting it set up for her to use if we'd be moving soon. We didn't know the process for our names to come up would take as long as it did.

Cass has been organizing the bedroom at our new place that she plans to use for her but she can only do a little at a time. Some bad things happened in her family around the time we moved that's really upsetting her. I don't wanna go into it here but it is very understandable for her to be upset & stressed & have a hard time doing work that isn't essential with those things weighing on her. As for as why she decided that room was for her. She wants to be able to do certain things that she hasn't done in a long time & feels having a room to herself would be better for her to do em. I also had a room to myself for 7 years that we were living at our old place & Cass feels it should be her time to have a room for her which I can understand. I think the best thing would be a two bedroom place that has a small office that I could put my computer in & maybe some other stuff. Places like that are extremely hard to find for very low income people like us.

I LOVE sleeping with her so I hate the idea of her sleeping in the other room when I go to bed. I cant afford a laptop rite now & I don't have great vision & laptop screens are hard on my eyes. I should look into quieter keyboards. I didn't really know that was a thing or at least a thing that average person could get. That would be the best realistic solution if the keyboards are decent & don't cost a huge amount.


Well now she sounds much less unreasonable, I could understand her wanting a room to herself after the stress of her family and what not. I still say that your situation might not be able to completely accommidate her needs as having low income that ends up just kind of coming with the territory. Maybe buying the silent keyboard is the best option but, be forewarned that a cheap one might not be silent enough and you might have to spend a bit of money to get a decent one.

Also, could a fan also help block out some of the noise? I have used fans that cost like 10-15$ and they help reduce noise. Just another idea just in case the silent keyboard doesn't work.


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05 Feb 2020, 12:35 am

Why not just put a desk in the living room and use your computer there?


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11 Feb 2020, 7:43 am

nick007 wrote:
I cant afford a laptop rite now & I don't have great vision & laptop screens are hard on my eyes. I should look into quieter keyboards. I didn't really know that was a thing or at least a thing that average person could get. That would be the best realistic solution if the keyboards are decent & don't cost a huge amount.

Question is what makes the noise. Often it is not the switch actuation noise (e.g. chery MX blue switches make metallic click on actuation), but rather plastic parts bottoming out on each other. In the latter case you can make the switches quieter by placing small o rings between the switches and keycaps.