Interaction with a couple at the library

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A couple brought some books they wanted to check out up to me. They were all baby books and they mentioned that they were having a baby after I looked at them. I told them how my mother didn’t want any of her children to have any kids of their own and tried to get my siblings and I vasectomies but that didn’t happen. I told the couple I was the only one who still doesn’t have any children but it’s not because I don’t want a family but because I have Aspergers and even trying to get a coffee date feels impossible for me. The male of the couple said “You’re doing ok, man!” even though I just told him I can’t even get a coffee date. I don’t know why he said that since I am most certainly not ok.

This year has been one of my worst. I’ve failed to get out of my rut once more and I am fading instead of growing.

I believe the couple didn't want to deal with what you had just said.

What made you talk to them, anyway?

Most people really are rather insensitive, and don't want to hear others' problems.

I'm sorry you got that response from that couple.

It seems pretty inappropriate to me to bring up your personal issues at work to two strangers who were just trying to check out some books. Even if you weren't working and it was just a random conversation, it would still seem inappropriate and strange to bring up your issues to strangers the way you did.

The guy probably said what he said because he wanted to exit the situation, and didn't wish to engage with your problems, and why would he? You're just supposed to be the guy that helps them check out their books, not their therapy patient.

This is probably too much sharing on your part.

A young parent might confuse your observations with
What is this stranger trying to tell me? "It's wrong to have children, you need a vasectomies to prevent having children in the future."

So they said “You’re doing ok, man!” and then left. --- Too much sharing!! !

They brought up having a baby to me so I was compelled to talk.



They were the first to say something, not me.

They are having a baby. They're happy about having a baby.

I don't have any kids, and I'm 58 years old.

I wouldn't feel compelled to tell someone who is talking about having a baby----that I've never had a baby.

Marknis, it may have been his way of complimenting you on how well you seem in public.

The couple probably didn't know that Marknis had any "problems."

People don’t see that I have Aspergers on the surface.



I thought I would have children by now because that was apparently all in “God’s plan”. Thanks for nothing, Bible Belt.

Marknis. You have time. You're only 31 years old. Many, many people have children in their 40's. This is not unusual these days.

It's not in "God's Plan." Forget about God's Plan. I mean---just forget about it!

You have to make your own way. God isn't going to do it for you.

If I get asked things like “Do you have a girlfriend?”, “Are you dating anyone?”, “Are you married?”, “Do you have children?”, “Do you want children?”, and other thorny questions, how should I react?

You can answer truthfully. There’s nothing wrong with being single. For all the other person knows, you’re currently in between relationships or focused on other things. It’s not all that unusual.

It just ruins my day when I have to answer “No” when I really desire to say “Yes”. It really devours me inside that I don’t have a special partner while all my siblings do. It also sounds like you are saying I shouldn’t want a relationship anymore.

I didn’t say that.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 16 Dec 2019, 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

They are sharing what they consider to be happy news. If they hadn't said they were having a baby, any comment on pregnancy, babies, etc. would have generally been iffy.

Safe comments:
"Congrats!" <pause to take in non-verbal reaction. if not negative/awkward then continue>
..."Is this your first?"
...(might be awkward, but if you must include yourself) <slightly upbeat tone> "I hope to have a family someday too. Good luck with yours." <non-creepy smile>
...(in reference to the general idea that new parents don't get enough sleep) "I've heard that you should get your sleep in while you still can." <light chuckle>



Nothing in this is appropriate. It's completely oversharing/TMI. They don't want to learn your family issues or medical history. They're going for short small talk. Simple unsurprising interactions.

Other inappropriate comments:
"The world is overpopulated, & people are dying from starvation."
"Have you had any genetic testing yet?"
"I hope your family doesn't have any bad genes you're passing on."
"Is the baby yours?"
"I had an abortion."
"Why have a baby human? Baby animals are so much cuter, and they usually aren't an 18 year+ commitment."
"Good to know you're not just unhealthy/fat."



I'd imagine he was uncomfortable and wanting to get out of there at that point.

Then don't say no directly but instead try, "I'm working on it" or "I'm working towards it."



I did not get that vibe at all from what Twilightprincess said.