About to be brave with the crush

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PsychAspi
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20 Jun 2020, 2:15 pm

Hi Guys.

So, I've been talking to this boy online for a while, for obvious reasons, We met in-person.

Anyway, my mom has been needling me to talk to him via video chat (She knows I like him). I asked him if he wanted to chat with me and my friend almost a month ago. He said no (Damn!) This boy is very shy and is uncomfortable with going out until we have a vaccine or cases drop to 0.

Last night, we were up till 12:48 AM talking. We were making fun of the abusive ex, and he asked me a bit about my Asperger's. So, maybe the timing is right with asking him to video chat?

Oh god, how do I go about approaching this? Any advice is appreciated.
Will post update...if I'm able to muster the courage to do this...



jimmy m
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20 Jun 2020, 7:38 pm

Ask him if he would like to video chat if each of you agree to wear face mask.

In modern Japan one of the reasons why individuals were face mask is because it offer anonymity and a break from social interaction. By wearing a mask, you not only make yourself less approachable, but you no longer have to put effort into the interactions you do have and react accordingly with a smile, frown or laugh, because no one can see it.


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20 Jun 2020, 7:41 pm

One can’t pass viruses through computers—but I understand the symbolism.



that1weirdgrrrl
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20 Jun 2020, 9:24 pm

If video chat is too much just yet, you could try doing just a voice chat, or a regular telephone call without videos?


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quite an extreme
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21 Jun 2020, 2:28 am

PsychAspi wrote:
Hi Guys.

So, I've been talking to this boy online for a while, for obvious reasons, We met in-person.

Anyway, my mom has been needling me to talk to him via video chat (She knows I like him). I asked him if he wanted to chat with me and my friend almost a month ago. He said no (Damn!) This boy is very shy and is uncomfortable with going out until we have a vaccine or cases drop to 0.

Last night, we were up till 12:48 AM talking. We were making fun of the abusive ex, and he asked me a bit about my Asperger's. So, maybe the timing is right with asking him to video chat?

Oh god, how do I go about approaching this? Any advice is appreciated.
Will post update...if I'm able to muster the courage to do this...


Sounds like an idiot. Buy him some balls and yourself some fun before you are going to meet him. :wink:


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21 Jun 2020, 2:36 am

quite an extreme wrote:
PsychAspi wrote:
Hi Guys.

So, I've been talking to this boy online for a while, for obvious reasons, We met in-person.

Anyway, my mom has been needling me to talk to him via video chat (She knows I like him). I asked him if he wanted to chat with me and my friend almost a month ago. He said no (Damn!) This boy is very shy and is uncomfortable with going out until we have a vaccine or cases drop to 0.

Last night, we were up till 12:48 AM talking. We were making fun of the abusive ex, and he asked me a bit about my Asperger's. So, maybe the timing is right with asking him to video chat?

Oh god, how do I go about approaching this? Any advice is appreciated.
Will post update...if I'm able to muster the courage to do this...


Sounds like an idiot. Buy him some balls and yourself some fun before you are going to meet him. :wink:


Erm. 8O



quite an extreme
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21 Jun 2020, 2:46 am

Pepe wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
Sounds like an idiot. Buy him some balls and yourself some fun before you are going to meet him. :wink:


Erm. 8O

OK - short explanation. If somebody is really interested then is COVID-19 nothing that makes him stop to see the girl that he is into. Not even a little bit.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Jun 2020, 10:16 am

Ask for a video call one to one, not while you’re with your friend.



quite an extreme
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21 Jun 2020, 10:47 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ask for a video call one to one, not while you’re with your friend.

Guess in case of online dating it's always the best to do a video call first and to try to get the emotions of the opposite towards you and the feelings about his or herself as well before you ever meet them in in real life. It's nothing wrong with asking for that.


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PsychAspi
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06 Jul 2020, 4:10 pm

UPDATE: He doesn't have the capacities to webcam. :(



quite an extreme
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06 Jul 2020, 5:28 pm

PsychAspi wrote:
UPDATE: He doesn't have the capacities to webcam. :(

Does he lack mental capacities? Sorry but an Android smartphone which is able to do video calls doesn't even cost one hundred dollars and WhatsApp is free. Everybody should be able to buy a smartphone. Do I miss something?
Could be his profile is a fake and he is a scammer or a psychopath. I wouldn't trust that guy. Be very carefully please!
Ask him for his phone number and call him. If you are unable to call him or if the number belongs to the wrong country then skip him immediately! Be sure that as soon as he asks for money (even for a phone) then he's a scammer!


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16 Jul 2020, 11:13 pm

PsychAspi wrote:
So, I've been talking to this boy online for a while, for obvious reasons, We met in-person.
You should have an idea of what he looks like since you already met him so it's unlikely that the reason he's not wanting to vid chat is due to him being a catfish. Some people are shy about getting their pics taken or being on video & those of us on the spectrum tend to be even more shy about that. The 3 relationships I had started online so I know that online relationships can be very rough sometimes. He may find vid chatting very awkward, especially if there's a chance others are around or may see the vid latter. Maybe it'll help to reassure him that your mom won't see the vid & that he'd only have to vid chat for a few minutes if he finds it extremely awkward.


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PsychAspi
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17 Jul 2020, 12:24 am

He isn't a scammer or catfish.
As I stated, we met in-person before the pandemic.

He isn't able to webcam because he does not have Audio/visual capabilities.
Sorry I didn't make that clear.



kraftiekortie
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17 Jul 2020, 8:52 pm

I had crushes. You have more courage than me :D

I hope he has a crush on you, too.



quite an extreme
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18 Jul 2020, 12:26 pm

PsychAspi wrote:
He isn't able to webcam because he does not have Audio/visual capabilities.

He is deaf and blind?


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MaxE
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18 Jul 2020, 1:06 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
PsychAspi wrote:
He isn't able to webcam because he does not have Audio/visual capabilities.

He is deaf and blind?

I looked at the posting history and this is clearly not true.

What I really wonder about though is this guy's absolute failure to try to initiate any sort of physical affection (pre-COVID), given that he apparently acts like somebody with genuine feelings for the OP. Also there are ways for two people to physically come together safely (I think a combination of testing and self-quarantine should be enough for most people) but this guy has absolutely ruled that out. Now this behavior might not actually be especially unusual for some autistic males, but the OP insists he's not autistic. Yet he spends hours talking with her. She might as well be his girlfriend. By now it should be fairly evident to him that's the case. If he thinks her autism is very mild then he shouldn't be especially concerned about being in a relationship with a person who is "disabled" (although I will admit I don't know what all the ethical concerns are in a situation like this). For example Amy Schumer is in a relationship with somebody she claims is autistic, but then the ethical concerns may well be different if the female partner is autistic, given the possibility that the male partner could be seen as taking advantage of her.

Well if she logs back in, she'll probably see this response, I hope it helps her thinking about this situation.


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