For Women only. Did/do you like romantic gestures?

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Do you like the idea of romantic gestures?
Did you like them at some point in your life?
Do you think it is creepy?
Do you simply think it is annoying?

You can change your vote, in this poll.

And what is an appropriate way to start a romance?

Last edited by Pepe on 03 Nov 2020, 4:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hard to tell.
Depends on rather a lot of factors. There is some decorum about it, some adequacy that needs to be met. Romantic gestures are nice as some "I care about you" signs but when taken too far, they seem to turn into "I demand you care about me", which isn't nice at all.

I'm not too keen on romantic gestures in public spaces. Especially if intended as a surprise.
Because I know I wouldn't react the way you're supposed to and would basically ruin it for the poor guy.

Even private gestures can feel off, if they seem disproportionate. Because they set up unrealistic expectations about sustainable levels of devotion, I guess. And they need to be delivered at the right time when I'm in a receptive mood.

Also, I might feel pressured to respond in kind with my own romantic gesture, and I'm really bad at those - I have inordinate difficulty judging what kind of gesture is appropriate and I get really upset if the recipient doesn't like what I've said/done.

So yeah, I'm probably a complete killjoy, but I'm not really into romantic gestures.

To pass muster they have to be:
1. Private and well-timed
2. Proportionate, not too extreme
3. Heartfelt - not some kind of game or powerplay

I didn't vote because I don't find them creepy or annoying, they just make me uncomfortable because I don;t know how to react.
I'm guessing NT women would typically be better able to deal with them than I.

Giving flowers is nice, I think.
It's a simple thing that gives pleasure and shows you care, without being over the top.
Just one flower or a small bunch, don't go crazy.

I love romantic gesture and small ones delight me. I swoon when my husband gives me a card in which the poetry is romantic.

Someone was under the impression this was for my personal benefit.
I wish.

No, it was in response to this thread/post: viewtopic.php?t=391839&start=32#p8644861

Oh, I see.

Well there you have it, Pepe, the piano guy got it all wrong.
1. Public place! And bad timing - 4am?!
2. Disproportionate! How did he even get the piano into the park?!
3. Manipulative! Trying to get back a girlfriend who didn't want to continue the relationship.

Though I'm sure he felt it was an appropriate gesture for the depth of his love, it was... yeah, it was creepy.

He should have tried flowers.

This poll is not connected to the piano-man.
Please ignore him.
It was inspired by him, but I am interested in an honest response without considering his situation.

Do people appreciate romantic gestures designed to initiate a *new* relationship, (not to try and rekindle a break-up)?

What about romantic gestures to continue a relationship?

Nothing against romantic gestures if they are proportionate to the situation.
In the beginning, a small bunch of seasonal flowers would make the suitor's intention clear... and cut the contact short if I wasn't interested.

When it comes to "continue the relationship" romantic gestures, it implies we know each other really well. I'm more into personal gestures than romantic gestures.

Depends on what kind of romantic gesture, what timing and what man.

The guy getting all romantic in a showy way in front of lots of people is something I probably wouldn't like, and romantic gestures from a man I don't like in such a way would be awkward.

And what kind of romantic gesture? Some people see things that others don't as romantic. For example, some people think that asking the possible bride's hand in marriage from her father before proposing is romantic, but I just find it disgusting since the roots of that tradition are in the time when men owned women and thus it's originally about the man buying a woman from her father. The father walking his daughter to the altar and "giving her up" has a similiar vibe to me.

Would just make me feel awkward, because I’m a non-romantic asexual Best way to try to initiate romance with me is, don’t

I can make another poll on that, but I don't want to "corrupt" this poll.
So, could people think in terms of romantic gestures that are intended to *begin* a romantic relationship?
Please vote with this in mind.

But please talk about that in this thread, if you would like.

How would you define romantic?

I am struggling to think of examples of romantic gestures. It seems there is a broad range of actions that can be called romantic. My mind keeps going to cheesey things like comically large bouquets of roses, and serenading the other person. To me these things are fairly undesirable. I like actions that feel genuine and not out of a playbook, or like what everyone else does.

But I also think it's highly dependent on who's doing it. If my husband did something that I would normally see as cheesy, it would be more endearing coming from him than some regular basic guy.

As for the piano man thing, the Dobler/Dahmer theory comes to mind:

If the relationship is over, there is no romantic gestures, it's creepy so you move on. Take no for an answer. I can't stand anyone who can't take no for an answer. Makes me think of children who think if they ask something over and over, the answer will change to yes because kids also cannot take no for an answer. Anyone out there who thinks if they can just be romantic to their ex, they will come back and they will be together again. They also can't take no for answer. I've dealt with plenty online so I block them to get rid of them and it was only one person that would keep coming back under different screen names and harassing me because he also couldn't take no for an answer for being friends. He was annoying so I didn't like him and he wouldn't take no for an answer. Seriously stop defending this and being so deliberately obtuse.

Done with this topic.

I think I would replace the word "romantic" with "loving" and it will still serve the purpose. Having an argument and breaking up does not always mean that love has dissipated. Some men ( even my autistic guy) will try and make amends for messing up by performing a loving gesture such as happened to me last week. Too personal to write here but it worked. Words of affection and appreciation are sufficient for me if they are sincere and credible. A man in love does not always give up immediately if he cares deeply about someone, this is not stalking at all it is just a strong, persistent desire to renew the relationship and an attempt to make amends.

Movies may influence a man's judgement and he may do something that in real life may be OTT. Some women are flattered by grandiose gestures but I am not. Sincerity will suffice for me. I am no easy partner because of my CPTSD and I am grateful for my lover's refusal to give up on me and his persistence in finding solutions for keeping us together that will work for us both. The most loving gesture is when he validates my value even when I am giving him hell. Autistic shmautistic, he's doing a better job than I am in sorting us out in the long term.