Was I wrong? Was he flirting/interested or not?

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So I recently did a thread about how I chased up a guy I found attractive in yoga whom I regretted not talking to in the supermarket when he tried to approach me (timid and lurking, hoping I would talk to him first) nearly two years ago, but I was not mature or stable enough to be open to his advances.

I was still very involved with an ex partner who grew up with a very troubled background with no safe adult input or structure (that's the short version), and as a result has a severe Disorganised Attachment Disorder and descends into abusive behaviour and drinking.
I have only just decided to walk away from that relationship and try a different one after 10 years.

At the time I had also more or less *literally* just met another man who was also in recovery from depression etc. whom I had an instant bond with and we were very in touch.
We got together for a short time although it didn't work out.
He is also an addict and relapsed badly (yes I've been choosing the wrong men).
But that was another reason I didn't suddenly jump at this man's attentions from my yoga class, despite having noticed him as attractive in the classes.

I contacted him after a long time and I was flatly rejected, but in a polite and friendly way.
He said that he had no issue with me being in the same classes, but that we didn't know one another and had never spoken (it's true we have never spoken directly).

Supposedly he has a stutter and struggles to make conversation. He could have lost interest in the interim of nearly two years for any number of reasons.

BUT this is what I had taken to be his interest, but it's all so subtle as to be be deniable- and he has denied it. But I'm pretty convinced I didn't imagine his interest-

Just to explain, this is why I thought he was flirting or showing interest:

I "sensed" his energy being attracted to me in the class one time. I consider this accurate, although it's not provable obviously!
The next time I accidentally bumped into him in the supermarket he "made eyes" at me, e.g. flirting eyes.
Again, deniable but I don't believe I imagined this.

Then I saw him in the class again and deliberately didn't make eye contact but tried to give him positive "energy" that he may have interpreted as flirting because I was ambivalent.
The final time he suddenly appeared next to me in a supermarket aisle crouched down about two feet away, and it felt as if he was timid and lurking, waiting for me to speak to him first.
He had only one item in his basket.
I had a strong aversive reaction and walked off straight away.
I distinctly saw him looking to see if I was looking his way for a while, and then he just suddenly went to the self-checkout with only one item & left.

I fail to see how I could have imagined that.

It seemed like he was waiting there deliberately to see if I turned up again at the same time at the supermarket we'd seen one another in before.

Again, all so subtle as to be completely deniable.

Very confusing

I'm also interested whether people have had similar experiences of flirting or encounters that were too subtle to be verified, that's all

If I have never spoken to someone, I wouldn't assume they were interested or flirting. People can flirt mildly without speaking, but if they don't ever actually speak to you, their interest would have to be pretty minimal/nonexistent.

Maybe he was crouching down to get something off of the bottom shelf.
Maybe your behavior made him feel uncomfortable.

Maybe what you perceived as "flirting eyes" was just basic friendliness.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 12 Sep 2023, 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't usually think that people like me unless it's very obvious or they've actually asked me out.

Unless he is incredibly shy and has deep seated feelings for you that he cannot express, I wouldn't take any of this seriously.

The third party I got information from confirmed that he's extremely shy, has a stutter and struggles to make conversation.
So ...
Yeah, I don't know

I don't know how to delete this double post, sorry

Last edited by Cigalle33 on 12 Sep 2023, 11:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

If my behaviour made him uncomfortable, the behaviour you are referring to was simply walking off and politely not engaging.
Obviously it was not being receptive to him.
But it wasn't blatantly rude as such.
Unless he *was* trying to talk to me, I don't see how my behaviour could have made him uncomfortable. Otherwise it would have seemed neutral or irrelevant, surely.

The "flirting eyes" I agree can't be proven as anything concrete, it's too non-specific.
Although it still felt like communication.

It’s weird to go up to an acquaintance, not say anything, and then walk off. I would probably feel uncomfortable and as though the other person was avoiding me if I was on the receiving end of that.

But I didn't go up to him.
I explained that this is what happened:

The final time in the same public supermarket he suddenly appeared out of nowhere next to me in an aisle crouched down whilst I was minding my own business looking at medicines;
I felt as if he was timid and lurking, waiting for me to speak to him first.
He had only one item in his basket.
I had a strong aversive reaction because of the shock and walked off straight away.
I saw him looking to see if I was looking his way for a while, and then he just suddenly went to the self-checkout with only one item & left looking sheepish and possibly a bit rebuffed, although I'd merely been overwhelmed by the situation given that we'd never yet spoken in the class.

Last edited by Cigalle33 on 12 Sep 2023, 1:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In fact, if you read my above reply & explanation properly, it was him that went up to me, & got right into my personal space (as a recognisable person) without saying anything, which is why I felt weirded out and walked off.

Thank you

Don't grieve this stuff.

Yes, that's probably right.
But can you explain why?

Can you elaborate, please?

Thank you

The man denied any interest in you. You never even spoke with him or he with you. He's now two years gone from your life. Don't waste your time grieving over nothing, which is what you had with him. Move on and find someone who is attracted to you.

Thank you for explaining. Makes sense

I might actually see him in a yoga class again if I go back to the same studio, which I want to, not for him but for the yoga.

I shouldn't feel awkward being in a class with him?
Should I just act cool and ignore him if we are in the same classes?