I really don't know what to do

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There's a girl I like. Her name is Debbie. She's about 3 years older than me, and have known each other for a while. A few weeks ago, we both admitted that we still kinda like each other (the "still" part is a long story, I'm not going to bother), though I kinda pushed it off to the side. Today we got talking about it, and I mentioned I didn't really feel ready to start dating.

Thing is, I was just in relationship with someone else, and it lasted only a week. I couldn't think of things to do, things to talk about, I had to find something that she did or said to somehow bounce off of (and this was before I even heard of AS). It lasted just a little over a week, but I hated the whole experience. I didn't like calling because I was always nervous, I didn't really even want to see or talk to her cuz the whole thing felt scary to me. I gave it my best anyways, and tried to convince myself that this was what I wanted, though I was very happy once we broke up. Yeah, sad, I know. I think I scared those around me with how quickly I got over it. By the next day, I was already perfectly okay.

That's kind of why I've been nervous about a relationship with Debbie, because even around her I can be kind of quiet and not entirely active, though what I really like about her is that she is my complete opposite--alive, energetic, etc. I couldn't really tell today, but my mom told me she looked very upset at church, disappointed, even though she was trying not to show it. I didn't really notice. I couldn't really tell how she felt at all, I would've thought she was fine. When I asked her how she felt about me (before I told her I didn't feel ready), she said she thinks she likes me, but she's not really sure...

The thing is, I like being single, but I do want to spend my life with someone eventually. I can't really deny that I need that. Whether or not she is it really isn't the question, but I've been holding back because I didn't enjoy the dating experience and the anxiety that came with it. Also, I can be rather flat in character. I don't do a whole lot, I'm inside most of the day, I don't really go anywhere or do anything that could be called socializing. I'd really like to fix that however it can be. I'd really like to get around this.

I also have another problem. I notice that when I feel happy about being single, I don't want to give the idea of a relationship any energy, or even talk about it. I'd rather avoid it altogether and act like I'd be happy being single for the rest of my life. But then there are times when I want a relationship. And I know, ultimately, I want the relationship. Is there anything I can do to help me persist with what I know I want even when I don't feel like giving it any energy?

And yeah, she is NT, just for reference, though she doesn't know much about AS, so just for reference, please don't blame it on her being insensitive or anything. My goal is to find a solution to help me make it work.

I've got the same kind of conflicting thoughts and emotions.

I don't have any answers, so I guess I'll wait along with you.

An encounter lasts a week. A relationship is a little different. Yes, ending anything hurts, but don’t neglect Debbie!

Never enter into a relationship with anything less than pure joy and excitement. Just don't. You can analyze it to death, and Debbie can be perfection personified, but you're not into this right now and that's okay.

Also, incidentally, I hope you don't feel bad about how quickly you get over things. There's nothing wrong with that either.

When I got into the relationship with the other girl, I was very excited... until she actually said yes to my offer. At that moment, I was thinking, "Oh no, what did I just get myself into?? " And I wanted out ever since.

Aw, see? You like your alone time right now. Wait until you're sure, and then be really straightforward with the girl if you start to feel like you want out.

I suppose it's possible that Debbie (or someone) else might be able to give you the kind of relationship that doesn't make you feel cornered. Have you explored that possibility?

She actually makes me feel very comfortable, and she has a lot of trust for me. She doesn't make me feel bad about myself, and if she's got somethign to say, she's very good about it.