Attracted To Opposites?

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Anyone esle find that they're attracted to women/men completely opposite of them? I'm starting to find myself attracted to someone who is the biggest extrrovert ever. Brave, loud, outspoken, my opposite. She's not nearly as shy as I am, but most people don't like her. This might mean I have a chance at a relationship! A bit off-topic, but it's my topic so I can do that.

To repeat myself:Anyone esle find that they're attracted to women completely opposite of them?

I don't know about opposites but I can say I've been attracted in the past to NT women who exhibited certain emotional energies or strengths that I wished to have more of myself. Back then I noticed I tended to gather a lot of strength off of other people's emotions and that kind of osmosis was extremely positive. It still happens today but I have to aknowledge that women like that aren't what I wanna try for.

Yes, I do get that sometimes, but I definately wouldn't go for an "opposite". I like having certain connections with the person I'm dating. Of course, what matters most is a mutual connection and chemistry, and that we can understand each other.

there's a thread discussing this here, if you're interested:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... =opposites

Well, for starters i've never met anyone that's actually like me.

I tend to have the hots for people that I don't really have anything in common with, yes.

Yes, I married him

We have been together for 10 years and are just starting to have things in common. I tend to OCD and I am just always attracted to people with ADD - These are opposite

Y

i think being attacted to your polar-opposite is the most natural thing in the world. it makes sense because if you were to reproduce with a partner it is sensible to try to get as many diverse genes as possible to contribute towards making a healthy child. i've never understood why some people choose partners who are similar to them, it seems very narcisstic.

i think it can also be an unconscious survival tactic. the only proper boyfriend i've had was very sociable and he would communicate with people on my behalf when i felt i was out of my depth. in return, i would check his spelling, grammar and punctuation for his university essays. although, in the end, it was his need to feel connected to people (me) that ended our relationship. he wouldn't let me have enough time alone and constantly wanted to hug me. i think i nearly went crazy- i felt so stressed throughout our time together. i was so relieved when we split-up but i do miss having someone to do my social errands for me.

lol, wierd thing about me is I'm such a collection of societal opposites that as far as I see it, if I went on opposites I'd be dating some typical preppy girl who listens to country or alternative, believes all the trendy things about people or politics that she's supposed to believe, and is still going to church on Sundays following that pseudo-christian thing after partying the whole weekend (ie. someone who wears the whole hat perfectly). I see those all arround me all the time.

I think it's normal to be attracted to your opposite. I think a good couple ought to complement one another and by that I mean, they ought to have different strengths. I'm an outgoing person, but sometimes have found myself attracted to someone who is shy. Some will say, find the person with the most in common with you. While I think it's important to have some things in common, everything in common does not a perfect couple make!!

If you like her, go for it!!
Mellow

Opposite personality traits, sometimes. It helps when two people can balance each other out. I just depends on the trait. Being more adept at confrontation, yes. Being a total extrovert who always has to be doing something, of course not.

When it comes to values, I want someone whose values are similar to mine.

I am not, personally. I am dating someone who is so like me, it's kind of scary. ((We've joked that one of us is the other's imaginary friend; his only defense against my being his is that he's a better writer than that and I'm not a believable fictional character. Which was by the way a true but hysterically funny response.))

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to date someone who's personality is a replica of mine - then it would just be boring. I'm certainly open to people who have some different interests or beliefs (nothing wrong with a good healthy debate once in a while), or who are more outgoing and comfortable in social situations than I am. But I just feel that there should be SOME common ground.

Ditto that. If I ever date, that is. Most of my friends who are guys are fairly different than I am, but we have some stuff in common, at least common interests, which helps get conversations started.

It's easy to find someone rife with traits you don't have, admire them, and feel what might be called 'attraction', but I say that the really question is whether or not you can hold on your own in ATTAINING a relationship with such a person. I say no. Opposites attract at first, but repell soon afterwards.

I mean, consider this: You may be attracted to Centerfold or Pornstar, but you REALLY want to have a relationship with her? Thought not.

I've seen where NT's with opposite political view, values, tastes, etc. have married but then again I get the impression that a lot of those types of people do have a common need that causes that; they like a real intense and dynamic relationship and are willing to pay for the ups with all the fighting they probably do as well. Maybe some aspies are relationship thrill seekers, I won't rule it out, but for me at least I want stability, someone who's level headed, someone who's a breath of fresh air to come home to, and to where having her arround day and night is empowering and energizing rather than draining (and I'd really hope I could be that for her). Like you said, for people who want stability and independence in a relationship, you at least want two people with very similar core values or at least a high degree of compassion for eachother and willingness to be altruistic and work through problems.

Exactly. What I would seek are similar core beliefs and compatable interests. I think it'd grate on my nerves to be with someone who doesn't understand or respect them. I'd feel like there's no connection, but that might just be me.

Last edited by Thagomizer on 07 Sep 2005, 3:47 am, edited 1 time in total.