Shy girlfriend

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I have a particularly shy girlfriend, and me being an aspie and saying that means she's really shy. *slight laugh*

She has some mental health issues, I'm not sure if they include any form of autism or not, as she hasn't been diagnosed as such, but she seems to have some neurotypical patterns of some form of high-functioning autism.

I know she has a lot of issues, and doesn't always feel like talking about them. I have trouble getting her to come out of her shell. My having actual empathy for this has really helped, as I'm one of the few people that she will hug, although I usually have to initiate any such behavior. (I'm sounding like a psychiatrist here aren't I. *l*)

Anyways, this girl is the love of my life, and I don't want to risk this becoming a problem. I've dealt with it quite well so far, but does anyone have any suggestions for getting her to open up more emotionally and intellectually?

I have a friend like that. I have spoken about her many times on this forum, but our relationship is only occasional.

So, do you have any suggestions for this?

I think you should state your case purely and simply, Thunderfox.

I'm way ahead of you there. *laugh* That's not the problem, we're already working on both sides of the issue, it's mainly how to go about doing that.

I may actually want to ask the pastor at my church for some advice, to get a different perspective. I also need to ask my psychiatrist, as he has a unique view on everything. He's one of the few people I know (other than myself) who can think from a simple overview neglecting the complexities.

I've already been discussing the matter with my psychologist, and he's provided a lot of pointers that have proved helpful.

On my girlfriend a lot of our emotional closeness relies on the fact that we can read so much of the emotional information between the lines in what we say, however getting either of us to express the ideas behind the emotions is tricky, even though we are very trusting of each other.

If I were you, I would do the same thing. Sometimes, help is what we must have, Thunderfox, very good!

I always dislike hearing people talk about 'trying to drag someone out of their shell'. Its such a crappy expression, about something that isn't happening. You're not dragging them out. You're working your way in. It sounds to me like you're having trouble accepting her just as she is. Do you talk a lot around her? Ask her lots of questions? You'll probably find, if you don't talk that much, that she'll gradually start to talk.

*l* you know what I mean. I never said drag. Drag means forceful. I shouldn't have even used the wording "get her to" but instead used "encourage her to".

I know what you mean too. Some people are overly forceful about such things. They seem to think they can force you to become more open. A complete falsity.

Generally I do give her plenty of opurtunities to talk.

It's just that she's so gaurded about certain topics, because she's been through so much. She's sort of hardened an existing shell over the years.

I'm not trying to "drag her out." In fact, I'm not forceful or badgering at all. If a subject is too unconfortable for her, I will change the subject and save that for later