If all the world's a stage...

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...am I a glorified extra?

This may seem like a strange topic to put in love and dating, but bear with me for a minute...

I have never been able to get involved in a meaningful relationship, and needless to say, this has had an impact on my life. While I feel I have done fairly successful for myself thus far (I'm doing well in college), I don't feel like anyone truly appreciates the fact that I exist. All the things that I do while volunteering at the church can easily be filled by other people, and the work that I could eventually get into in the IT field is also work that other people could do easily. Even if I were very wealthy or very famous, I could just as easily be replaced in the eyes of the media and/or culture with some other weathy or famous icon.

If I were to stop posting on this forum now, nobody would notice (I'm not blaming anyone of anything, it's just a point I'm making). If I were to die tomorrow, perhaps my family would be in mourning for a few days, maybe a few weeks on the outside, but life for them would return to normal, and I would be reduced to an afterthought in people's minds. I haven't made enough of a meaningful difference in anyone's life to really be noticed, either...

I need to feel like someone actually appreciates the fact that I even exist. It's the source of all the motivation I have mustered in life, but at the same time also the same thing that's dragging me down. The only way I could ever feel like I was truly needed by someone is in a relationship. That's why I've been strongly looking for a long-term, meaningful relationship with a woman, rather than just some casual sex. The latter would still put me in a position such that I am an interchangeable part in a machine. However, in a meaningful relationship, I can finally truly matter in the eyes of someone else. If the relationship is strong enough, I would be irreplaceable.

your cynical attitude about how other people will mourn your death is only your opinion. You really don't know. Have you ever lost anyone you loved, to death? Did you just mourn for a few days and then get 'back to normal?'

Life is not like that.

Merle

ToadOfSteel,
In the grand scheme of things, most of us, whether Aspie or NT, are insignificant and replaceable. There are perhaps only a handful of people who have truly impacted history and are eternally remembered. Having said this, we all matter and we all make an impact on the people we encounter and interact with. Your church is better-off for your efforts and I'm sure there are people in your sphere to whom you matter, you just may not realize it.

In terms of a meaningful relationship, I have found that if you push for this as an end unto itself, it will not happen. Instead, if you concentrate on improving yourself as a person, you will over time find fellow travelers and one of these may turn into a significant relationship. Whilst a children's book, I found this story to be very, very instructive in terms of finding a meaningful adult relationship:
http://www.amazon.com/Missing-Piece-Mee ... 094&sr=1-1

One thing I have learned, and other people (NT and AS) would agree, when you try hard to find a relationship, it will not happen. Just go out and make friends and not worry about having a meaningful relationship. I know it is difficult to stop wanting something that you want so bad, but work on it every minute of every day and it will eventually hit you.

Well, you're only 20. Most women, or men, for that matter, in your age range aren't looking for long term commitments. People are not as easily replaced as you seem to think. So, you say you're doing well in college. Your career could be a definite point of advantage when looking for a relationship later on. But for now, just concentrate on keeping your GPA up and having fun with your guy friends.

Yes, concentrate on you, get good at what you do, feel confident about what you do eventually. Then you'll find everything follows on from that. It's so easy for me to say this, especially as I should be taking my own advice, but it's all true.

That's basically been what I've been up to for the last couple of years... but now it seems too long to wait (especially since the waiting period is indefinite)...

Not to rag on your advice, but these statements always annoyed me. As ToadsOfSteel pointed out, the wait is indefinite, so your time may come tomorrow, or it may not come for many years. In my opinion, getting into a relationship is like winning a lottery, and on that note, think of this scene from the movie The Island (you'd have to know the movie). Starkweather Two Delta just announced that he won the Lottery, after being in the facility for six months. When Gandu Three Echo sees it, he gets upset because he's been in the facility for seven years, and did not win. (Yeah I know, there is no Island, but it's the concept that matters here.)

Just like that Lottery, I never know how much longer I need to wait. And while I wait, I'm stuck in prison-like loneliness, never knowing when it will end, like the clones in that facility. A relationship seems like something incredibly nice, but I never know when it's going to come. Sure, "improving myself as a person" may have some side benefits, but if a relationship is always out of reach, all that improvement seems like wasted effort. So why bother putting in effort, if I won't see any results for another seven years. At this point, I pretty much gave up on finding a relationship. I enjoy the freedom of not having a girl monitor me all the time, and when an urge strikes, I get my sexual fix from escorts.

Well, I'm married and have had a number of relationships, so what would I know anyway? If you're stuck waiting, might as well spend the extra time improving yourself. Improvement is never a waste. Giving-up is a waste. You can not get time back, might as well spend it wisely. You will never have a relationship if you don't improve. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.