Does being married create dependancy?

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I wanted to ask this question based on a thread here on WP about being independant

My response to the thread mentioned how I am getting married this year and I suddenly realized that marriage is the exact opposite of independance, which is sadly true!

For an independant person who is so used to doing things on their own to fall in love and get married...from their perspective it really IS imprisonment!! !

What do you guys think?

Not in the 21st century. The only thing you can't do when married (or even just when courting) is date other people, but even that ain't law now, it's just moral loyalty to choose not to cheat on your spouse.

You will have to rely on each other and make some decisions as a union... so yes...
It is not always a bad thing to depend on someone else, independence does not mean you need to do everything alone.

In a perfect world, you both would be equally depending on the other without one having full control of the other.

Mikurotoro posted this in the "Do you ever think you've hurt your partner's social life?" thread but I'll respond to it in this thread

I do agree with you on children & that the marriage lifestyle is not a good fit for some people.

I think the other stuff varies though.

Being married can sometimes be cheaper in the long run as opposed to two people living in separate places by themselves because whey they are married they are living together & sharing the housing & unities costs as well as other expenses. There are also some tax breaks for married couples.

Some people have problems handling living alone independently & function better living with a long term relationship partner relying on each other, of coarse this depends on the partners & circumstances. That's the case for both me & my girlfriend. I'm a lot more independent living with Cass that I ever was living with my parents but a lot of that has to do with the location & me not being able to rely on my parents for daily stuff. My mom complained a bit about the way I did things & when I made mistakes mom would take over doing things. It was a lot easier for me to just have her do most everything since she would be upset either way. I hate putting in a lot of effort doing something for it to seemingly never be good enough.

Sometimes people can have too much freedom & independence when they are single & living alone & they become imprisoned by their own circumstances. They develop unhealthy & dangerous habits & lifestyles like regularly partying with friends & drinking heavily & doing doing illegal drugs. Being married &/or having kids can give some people motivation to turn their life around or keep them from hanging out with a bad dangerous crowd which keeps them safer.

While that is true, do they REALLY want to go through all the effort of trial & error dating process just to see if "the grass is greener on the other side"?



And they are the ones who are the most susceptible to imprisonment!



Married couples can easily become imprisoned too...

I'm not married but I have lived with a partner for the last 5 years and yes in my opinion. I have picked up some of his bad habits of being lazy and I used to be very independant. I am now starting to get my own sense of agency back, that I don't need to rely on him to be able to do things

^I know that marriage has been my goal for a while and everyone I know has been counting on me to get married but I am truly scared of imprisonment!! !

However, David is also counting on me to go through with this...

If you have no dependency on each other - both partners being totally autonomous and self-sufficient - then what's the point of getting married? On the other hand, no long-term relationship will work if each partner isn't really good at their own self-regulation and emotional self-care - bringing their best to the other partner, and not relying on the other to emotionally lift them up all the time when they're feeling all useless, flat, and unmotivated towards any positivity.

So it's kind of a paradox here, where there needs to be a balance of some inter-dependence, with a good default on both sides of emotional self-sufficiency.

Maybe you need a pre-numptual agreement that creates a realistic means to get back out, should things go badly. It would be a safety-parachute of sorts, to re-assure you so as to not be afraid. But if you make the exit strategy too easy, then you might just be tempted to use it all to quickly when the going gets tough, and you should actually make an effort to save the relationship.

It's just...I have NEVER been in this position before and I have no idea what to expect from marriage

A prenup would basically be a "cheat code" of sorts or an item in a video game that lets you escape the dungeon

What happens if the relationship cannot be saved?

Do I just divorce him?

I think a prenup is mostly for people who have assets when getting married that they do not want to risk losing if they get divorced. Prenup s are not deigned for divorces where both partners are disabled & on government benefits & neither of them owns their home.

Maureen said today that because of the marital vows I must stay with David instead of just abandoning the goal as a result of his current health condition

What do you guys think?

It may very well be too late for a prenup because ideally you would not have it done so far into the engagement or close to the wedding or there is a very high chance it will get thrown out.