Any tips?

Post Reply New Topic

Any tips on courtship? I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even been on a date. I went to Prom but with a friend. I've never appoarched a girl and asked them out. Here's the problem, its not so much that they are females its that I don't approach anyone, male or female, and start a conversation.

One time I sent "love letters" to a girl my senior year in HS. I really liked her, she was smart (a MUST for me), very athletic and cute. I sent 2 anonymously, the third I put my name at the end (I'm 99.9% sure). We were in the same homeroom. And for the rest of the year no reaction which was the worst. I don't care if she would have said leave me alone you freak, I would of known she knew it was me.
There was one time, I was at friends party(college people drinking, not like a real party). And I saw this girl and like her. Luckly for me I've had a few so was less aprehensive then usual. I appoarch her, and complimented her and actually for the first time succesfully appoarched, started, and carried on a conversation for the first time in my life.(To anyone but my mom, never to my sisters, or brother, or dad) We talked for awhile she left and not much ever happened afterward.

As you can probally tell we I start talking a continue because its rare. For future referece you can ask me anything and I'll answer it truthfully. To me them asking is like they're bothering to do it. I can't think any different.

Just be yourself and keep calm.

No help, so no thank you.

Too many of you guys here are not anti-social, I am

Find someone else who is not anti-social or try despite your anxiety. Maybe try talking to a girl you like online, although I've not had much luck with that.

Talk to someone online you say? Here's the thing I have trouble with all forms of communication. I will write an e-mail, finish, then spend 10-15 minutes trying to get the courage to send.
My best luck will be with in person. So no one has any tips I can use.

Being upfront and direct is about the only way to get a straight answer. By handing notes you give them the chance to ignore/forget somehow. A million excuses such as: oh I lost it, friend took it, got ruined in the wash, etc.

By being in front of them waiting for an answer they have no choice but to either say yes or no.

I can totally relate though. I don't feel right just approaching people anywhere at any time and starting a conversation as when I have I got the vibe of "who the hell are you and why are you talking to me" and thus don't try it anymore. The girl I'm currently after is displaying some signs of mutual attraction (took her out to dinner yesterday, nothing special but what she said and how she acted suggested she was more interested in being with me there than anywhere else at that moment in time).

On a recent trip to a friends place (who lives next to UCSB) I went to plenty of parties and made quite a few friends in a single night, that if I had stayed long enough they'd be really good friends and I know for a fact I'd have had no issue finding a girlfriend there.

All about the situation you're in. Now the hard part is differentiating between a date and 2 friends going out for a meal unless you come up front and say it's a date somehow. I have no idea how to do that so jumping in head first will have to do.

Honestly, nobody can say anything here you wouldn't have heard/read thousands of times already. I know this because I was exactly the same. In fact technically I still am. I am 19, and i've never had a girlfriend, but I had my first date last year. I take comfort in that, because I now know i'm progressing, if slowly.

There is no easy way of dealing with it. You just have to approach somebody you're interested in and invite them to something small, like a coffee at the local cafe. Don't bother with the whole "movie or dinner" date thing, women find those to be too much pressure.
Tell them you want to learn more about them, and invite them to a casual meeting. They get the picture.

Any tips on how to gain the courage to do something like that? I mean either a mind exersice or just trying to convince yourself you should. I once showed up to work late only for the fact that most do that sometimes so I wanted to do it, to do it. I also grew a (Van Dyck is often any moustache and goatee combination) (did't know how to say it so I just used that). I did that just to be able to do it.

As I say, there's no way of making it easier on yourself. Just don't let it matter to you so much. If you wait months, wondering what she'll say, and building up the courage, then if she rejects you you'll feel completely crushed. Tell yourself it doesn't matter. Make your first few attmepts with women you're just a little interested in. The good thing about the whole "simple coffee meeting" scenario is that if you don't want to go any further then there's no pressure on you to continue it either, likewise for her.

So, the only way to make it easy is to try a few times. If you're like me, you'll probably be rejected a few times. I've asked four girls in my entire life, the third said yes, but it didn't go anywhere. All the others said no.

Dude, you can't change yourself. It's not possible, it will just make you even more anxious, there are no tips, just keep trying.