How do I explain Polyamory to my son with Asperger?

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coltonsmom91
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31 Aug 2008, 2:51 am

I don't even know if this is the right place to post this, but, here it goes anyway. I have a wonderful 17 year old son with Asperger's. I also have a wonderful husband of 6 years. My husband and I have looked into polyamory and, for us, feel it would be a good thing. Before we even start looking for our "significant other", there is one thing we are concerned about, explaining it to my son. I mean, my son has been exposed to all different types of families (gay, lesbian, trans, etc.). I was in a lesbian relationship before meeting my husband. She was, and still is, his other mom. The only family type he hasn't been exposed to is a polyamorous family. He is very family oriented and very loving and accepting of everyone. We attend a primarily gay and lesbian church and he absolutely loves everyone there! The question is, how do we explain this to him? I mean, we're not going to spring it on him. Any ideas?
Thanks!



tomamil
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31 Aug 2008, 3:40 am

hmm. i dont know, its difficult to imagine.

its your life, though. whatever my parents do, i think that its their lives and they can do with them anything they like if it doesnt concern me directly. i take it very logically. but, again, i am not very family oriented.


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ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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31 Aug 2008, 5:15 am

I would say to him its nothing to think about or that big
of a deal, its a natural thing that people do. It shouldn`t
matter that much, people want to love and be loved.
My last girlfriend had some girlfriends at the same time
as she was with me for a long time, it made her happy
so i saw no problem - jeaolusiy is a selfish thing



Postperson
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31 Aug 2008, 6:05 am

do you normally introduce yourself to new groups in this fashion?



LePetitPrince
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31 Aug 2008, 6:13 am

coltonsmom91 wrote:
The question is, how do we explain this to him? I mean, we're not going to spring it on him. Any ideas?
Thanks!


umm ...well....bribe him! introduce him to two or three cute girls of the Polyamory group :P :lol:



ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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31 Aug 2008, 6:16 am

Postperson wrote:
do you normally introduce yourself to new groups in this fashion?


Lighten up, whats the problem



Postperson
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31 Aug 2008, 6:43 am

Are you trying to flame me?



slowmutant
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31 Aug 2008, 6:48 am

OP, it sounds like the boy has been introduced to too many different things all in a row. I'd be one confused kid if I were him.

Has he ever been taught about what's wrong vs. what's right? Good vs. bad?

I dunno. It's your life, of course. Your decision. But for everyone's sake I hope some sanity and stability comes soon.



ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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31 Aug 2008, 6:50 am

Postperson wrote:
Are you trying to flame me?


No - sorry if it looked like that - never mind



ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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31 Aug 2008, 6:54 am

edit--
this post didn`t help anything and it was
long so i removed it, waste of space -
please ignore



Last edited by ImTheGuyThatDidThat on 31 Aug 2008, 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nan
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31 Aug 2008, 9:02 am

I'd say nothing until you actually find the person you intend to have join your household. Then I'd just be low-key about it.



NeantHumain
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31 Aug 2008, 12:22 pm

This really isn't an aspie question per se. You've already exposed him to lifestyles far outside the norm without a hitch. Most of us are completely unfamiliar with the polyamorous lifestyle and so would not have the experience to give you meaningful, practical advice.

I'd be more worried that you've gone so far beyond teaching him tolerance and acceptance that he now sees all these lifestyles as more normal than heterosexuality and so might put people off by his highly unrealistic (optimistic, you might prefer) understanding of society: "What? You're not gay? I thought practically everyone was!" Or "Yeah, I'm gay! [but he only goes for women sexually/romantically]"



slowmutant
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31 Aug 2008, 12:33 pm

How does polyamory work? Is it like a harem with everyone of equal status as opposed to the Arab harem where the man "owns" all the women?



LePetitPrince
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31 Aug 2008, 12:42 pm

^ it's just a synonym of open relationship



Flismflop
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31 Aug 2008, 12:45 pm

"Polyamory"? Can someone give some examples that I might recognise?


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MissConstrue
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31 Aug 2008, 12:47 pm

Um...I got ask even though I'm pretty open minded about relationships, is this the type of relationship where you're just sexually exploring more ways to get off?

Don't want to sound prudish but do you think this is necessarily healthy for your son and have you thought about how your son would feel before deciding to do this?


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