Can't tell if women are taken or not (or even married!! !!)

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skywatcher
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18 Oct 2008, 3:55 pm

I am having a hard time telling if women are married, engaged, dating for an extended period of time, just dating, or single.

So far I have run into this problem once definately, possibly twice, enough to notice that it is a problem that needs working out.

I at least am adept enough to tell after a date or two. Oh, to place another pointer, this does not happen with Aspie women, or at least the one that I dated for 11 months. Maybe Aspies tend to just be better at directness than NT's.

Currently I ran into the problem that this women I am interested in has an answering machine at home which sounds suspiciously like one you would find with a family living there. Perhaps she is living at home. She does seem an awful lot like an Aspie to me. She would have been direct. So, I am worried that she is married. This is because I ran into the above stated problem, that is having a date with someone who already is going out with someone :x but I haven't had time to not be paranoid about every women since then (time as in two weeks). Again :x . Yes, she made me very angry. I was nice and kind, though.

Well, that is the dilema I am running into. Supposedly even many NT's run into this in their lives. I wonder if Aspies do or if I'm running out of the spectrum?


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Rain_Bird
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18 Oct 2008, 4:10 pm

If a woman is already dating someone or married, she shouldn't be going on a date with you. That doesn't sound fair to you or to the other guy she's with. :(

If you're interested in someone, ask them out. She (hopefully) won't say yes if she's already with someone. Maybe you should ask if she's in a relationship before you even try to get involved. Good luck! :)



Hector
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18 Oct 2008, 4:20 pm

This has happened with me too. Some people have a hard time reading interest, and I've mistaken overt interest for her way of just being friendly before. Just be patient and ready for the worst until you actually have a girlfriend.

I know girls who tend to change boyfriends rather than spend any time single, so that's possible as well though I wouldn't count on it.



zghost
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18 Oct 2008, 8:02 pm

Here's my view on why it's hard to tell, yes personal experience:
If you're married/ in a relationship, you often won't mention it right off because if you do, the person will just quit talking to you. Guys are out to connect, for the most part, and won't bother with you if you're not single. It really sucks being somewhere and nobody will talk to you, so I always would ignore the flirting as long as it was low key. Eventually they would take it to the point of asking me out or something, and I'd tell them. And once again be sitting around with no one to talk to.

If I was out and single, and not looking to hook up, I would just tell them outright that I "was only there for conversation, so if you're looking for someone to take home, don't waste your time." And most of the time, they'd drop the flirting and we'd just talk, which was cool.



wrongshoes
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18 Oct 2008, 8:30 pm

You should just ask a woman you're interested in. "Are you single?" would work.



Cyberman
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18 Oct 2008, 8:31 pm

Is there any way of obtaining the information without flat-out asking them if they're "taken"? Because that can be quite awkward... you'll immediately reveal your intentions of pursuing a relationship with them, and they'll think you're a "creepy stalker" or something... :(



Penelope_asparagus
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18 Oct 2008, 9:01 pm

A trick I read:

(This is sooo sneaky! I would have never thought of it. )

You compliment them on something and say that their boyfriend must really appreciate them. And then see what they say.



sunshower
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18 Oct 2008, 9:48 pm

skywatcher wrote:
I am having a hard time telling if women are married, engaged, dating for an extended period of time, just dating, or single.


Same here, and I'm not even trying to date them! :lol:


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