Hot To Start A Conversation

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I'm really shy, and I need help on how to start a conversation

Any tips?

"you gotta be sh*ttin me?" people don't come up to you & start conversations?my only strategy is to ask ppl about themselves.

why do you say that. why are you so surprised that people dont come up to me?

say "Hi, how are you?" and shake their hand.

try to imagine what the person is thinking - this will be the subject of your conversation

It's a bit scary because I just realized I NEVER EVER start conversations but I'm blessed with charisma which makes people talk to me. If I didn't have this magnetic aura I would never ever speak to another person because no one would start conversations with me.
I can tell when someone is curious about me. Back when I was in school, people who used to watch me when they thought I didn't notice it could one day just approach me and ask "do you know what time it is?" as an excuse to talk to me. Sometimes I've encountered people who are so obviously interested in me, not necessarily sexually but in some cases that too, who have even started conversations where I didn't know how to continue and it never went past "do you know when the bus is coming?" because I failed to use the chance given to me.

I have no advice on how to start conversations since I suck at it myself. I don't necessarily keep a low profile or keep quiet but anything other than a flamboyant theatrical monologue is difficult for me. I also find it easier to communicate when I can hide my true feelings behind random extreme gestures or theatrical outbursts. Sometimes, instead of communicating I act like a 12 year old with ADHD and this annoys a lot of people but others are crippled by laughter and we kind of connect through humour. The communication is strictly emotional/body language/eye contact/laughter/gestures then. It's even possible to hide serious undermeanings in comedy like that, even if it's the way of a socially handicapped person to do so.

well, on first impressions you look like a sexy &confident young lady.
i didn't mean to offend.

oh lol thanks. But what does that have to do with my conversation skills, we are all aspies, and we have social skill and conversational skill problems.

That's what I mean. She's a girl and she looks decent so guys should start conversations with her. I don't see how a girl who isn't an archetype female nerd with greasy hair can have any problem meeting guys. Heterosexual men are socially programmed to start conversations with girls.
Personally I always took a more female passive role in social interaction and it works if you're gay too. Besides haven't it been said many times on these forums already that the aspies who have the most problem in their sexual contacts are heterosexual men because they are the ones expected to take initiative?

But truth be told, there are some very outgoing women at least where I live. SO I guess not everyone is the same. Some women actually pick up the guys, not the other way around.

that's kinda what i mean, if you give me that impression, i'm pretty sure a lot of guys would be instantly attracted.
You might only have to smile to start a conversation.. good luck & "how you doin?"

Well I think gender roles are so stupid. why do people expect certain things from people. just because someone is a guy doesnt mean he always has to start the conversation or vise versa. and just people a woman is attractive doesnt mean she doesnt need to know how to start a conversation with a guy or should have people always trying to talk to her

If the guy is shy it's probably easy for a woman to get his attention even with poor social skills. Most socially passive straight guys seem to be like lambs when it comes to contacts with the opposite sex, they are easily led. I think it takes patience and a bit of force, a kick in the butt, to get those guys to start dating you, rather than good conversational skills. Social force is something many aspies are good at.
I come from a culture where men are extremely shy, in fact the women do most of the talking. There's this tradition that it's unmanly to talk but the women are like verbal machine guns to compensate for it, speaking rapidly and many times with poor social intelligence and no respect or feeling for who is interested in their gossip. Even NT women here are like that. I get the impression many married women carried their men to the altar without accepting no for an answer.

Having worked hard at this myself, here's a couple things I do if I want to start a conversation with someone...

Begin with a compliment... before you say it, scan it for appropriateness, but that may be more my problem than yours. I'm famous for putting my foot in my mouth. "That's a lovely outfit." or 'Great car' or 'Beautiful lawn' or 'Nice writing'.

I don't know what your special interest is or if you know folks that share it, but in such a situation, ask a question about it. It makes the other person feel appreciated. 'How'd you do that?' is always a good one... and honest. I can do a lot of things, but I don't know how THEY did it.

As much as SOOOOME folks here hate it, the weather is always a good place to start... around here we talk about the drought a lot. We commiserate over poor range grass, forest fires, and wells going dry. If it rains, we all express gladness about the improved range, the fat cattle, no forest fires, and the creeks running...
ooops, got carried away.

Well, hope that gives you some ideas...

Last edited by DonkeyBuster on 17 May 2009, 1:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Say something randomly, Like what college do you go to.


But dont shake their hand. Thats just odd.

I am also feeling so hot and want to start a hot conversation.

Cam-to-cam?

haha u wish this gorgeous lady would cam with u. in ur dream. lol.

My dreams are not that silly....