relationship problems? advice on trust?

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone have else have a really hard time maintaing a steady relationship? I've had so many girlfriends over the years and ended up breaking up with everyone of them for alot of different reasons. I attribute most of it to excess stress and thought maybe I just couldn't handle a relationship. Most of my girlfriends however seem to fight with me alot. I'm always doing something wrong, not listening right, being emotionally cold, or not paying enough attention to them whatever....Does anyone have any advice on this? what am I doing wrong? or how do I fix it or???

Then the other thing is I've been screwed over alot and I have a hard time trust people. I can't tell if people are lieing to me. I tend to be a little bit overprotective and maybe a little controlling because of this. Does anyone have any advice on getting over my trust issues and just letting go?

no one has comments? anything? please?

Honestly, the first advice that comes to mind is listen to them, especially if this keeps happening. As a woman, I've complained about it myself. For me, though, I need a relationship where equal attention is paid on both sides, which means simply making an effort to care about the other person and what they're feeling. If you're not good at knowing how your girlfriend's are feeling, just take the time out to talk to them about it and explain where you're coming from. Understanding in relationships through blunt communication is often overlooked.

In other words, let them know what's going on with you, how you feel (to the best of your ability), and setting aside time for you and her to communicate and get acquainted. If you don't like this, you may have to find an equally emotionally distant girl yourself. However, relationships need compromise, and are likely to be more fulfilling if there is smooth communication and understanding between the people.

Which, of course, takes trust. And that's one thing I can't help with much at all. Trusting again may take time, with a certain person, if you're a person who isn't able to read body language and eye contact well. You can try to hone your ability to understand people's intents through their non-verbal communication by 'testing' yourself in various ways, like trying to predict someone's reaction to something. You may find yourself getting better over time.

For both, paying a lot of attention to people, and not yourself, is probably key. The answers to successful human social relations, I'm convinced, especially for AS and autism, are in the interactions themselves, and how much attention is paid outside of the self and toward the other person.

I hope that helps. In the end, you have to find what works best for you.

Just talk! I mean its not THAT painful! I mean when your girl friend talks to you dont do the "Oh, oh, defiantly" respond in complete responses! You know how in school when you were little they would say respond in complete sentences, think of it that way an "Oh.." shows no emotion respond with some intellect and show interest, you dont have to be insanely interested in what shes talking about, but convey your interest and knowledge on the topic! If she talks about how shes feeling maybe try and relate to her with how you have or are feeling. Show you care.

Well, I honestly try my best to listen and interact especially when she tells me how she feels but somehow I end up pissing her off alot. I just don't know how to respond to her properly...How to show that I do really care and empathize with her. Everytime I try I just apparently do it wrong...

EXAMPLE- when she says "i feel depressed I had a bad day at work" I say "why?" She says "oh well it was just really busy and stressful" I say"well that sucks, I'm sorry" What comes after that? what do I say next if she doesn't say anything?
I guess my bad habit is after that my next comment might be a completely different topic...I guess she wants me to keep talking about her though....I don't understand what she wants? I assume if she has stopped talking that means she is done talking about that. Obviously that's not quite true because of how pissed off she gets about it sometimes....Suggestions anyone????

Is there any way you can put yourself in her place? If that were you coming home depressed, how would you want to be treated? If you don't know that either, you may do well to get some help with learning how others feel, and with learning how to properly empathize.

I'm working on getting help..seen a psychologist right now and were making some progress but u know...my relationship with my girlfriend has gone down hill and I'm just trying to get some extra help and opinions before it gets too bad...luckily my g/f loves me and understands some of this is hard but I'm trying...but u know....I can only do so much...I have alot to learn...

Maybe this is out of line and not viable, but have you considered being perfectly open with her? You seam like your close to her, try and be honest with her about your social trouble, never tried it but holding things in like this might kill your relationship with her....

Pick one or more of the following;
- Give her a hug
- Make the room "safe", make it feel like the free/safe place home is supposed to be; you know her and what she likes
- offer to make her favourite dish
- find/play a light movie
- sit on the couch, pull her toward you

The choice of responses isn't limited to words, actions matter too.
Sometimes NT/AS worlds come together; she's just processing the day or cursing the people that made her day difficult in her head, or she's just tired and wants to feel something else. In your case, I'd not see her bad day as problem for you to fix, see it as an opportunity to show affection. She'll share when she's done with being down by it.



Thanks for that question. It finally made me realize some things i've done wrong in the past.

I think.....

except the fact that most of the time she's calling me to tell me how she feels shes not here you know...so how do I deal with stuff over the phone?

Express yourself the best you can over the phone, try and say something like "Hey when I get back maybe we can talk about this and ill get you a cup of coffee" maybe something like that.

It's a good question, I think. If you don't know, which I'm sure is often the case, then you don't know. The question is posed in case the OP does know. It's just one tactic.