"I just want to be friends"

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Honestly, how many people have heard this one?

For me it happens every time, and, whilst I appreciate the good side of it (knowing that the person in question has a strong friendship with me and doesn't want that potentially broken), it's starting to get to a point where I question why I bother anymore.

I mean, just recently a load of friends were trying to help me try and get with a girl I like (and according to them she was showing heavy signs of liking me), yet she too just wanted to be friends.

I just cannot see what I'm doing wrong here. Personality-wise (without trying to sound Egotistical, I don't mean it to be portrayed that way) all my mates think I'm awesome because my personality is so strong despite the AS (in that I can talk and tell jokes in an NT style - nowadays people who don't know me that well are shocked when I tell them I have Asergers!). I'm friendly, I've never taken sides in arguements, I've always had a reputation of making all my friends happy when they're down and generally everyone turns to me for advice.

But where do those who give advice go when they themselves seek advice?

Again, I apologise if I came over as if I'm saying "I'm Great", because in reality, I'm not. I just wanna know why I keep failing and whether I should bother anymore.

I'll admit, a lot is on my plate right now - Personal Statement (to which I still can't think of what to write...) for University, A ton of coursework to do, exams in January, Christmas of course - but after this, should I even bother trying or just get on with my life alone?

Who hasn't?


This is just a wild-arsed guess, but maybe you're trying too hard? Not enough detail for a more accurate opinion.


Unfortunately, I have only my own personal experience of 51 years on this planet.


Y'know ... you may find that the less you concentrate on "getting a girlfriend" the easier it is to "get" one. Try socialising in groups first, treating everyone equally nice, and wait for a woman to become interested in you.

It worked for me.

In my experence the "I just want to be friends" line means " I really want nothing to do with you. Totally not interested. I can't understand why you keep talking to me because I just KNOW everyone knows that when women say that it means for them to go away. I was being nice. Do you want us to be honest and say I'm totally not interested, then we both get what we want, you knowing you never having a chance and moving on and you not bothering me anymore."


Yes we do want you to be honest and not screw with peoples heads.

I'm going to have "he was a good friend, but..... no one wanted to take a chance and see if they would accually like going out with him so he died alone and depressed."

It didn't work for me. Countless female friends, not one that is romantically interested...

Find the single common factor in each failed relationship, and you're halfway to solving your problem.

The common factor in all my failed relationships is ME. So I must be the one screwed up.

wisdom comes from experience, and experience comes from making mistakes - Robert E Lee

Most of the time, it's the 'consolation prize' of dating. On rare occasions, they actually mean it. My daughter is friends with every guy she dated since 14 (well, she's only 23). Why this works, I dunno.

I used to consider it the 'blue screen of romance'...

And the other half?

"Just friends"
That's a classic line. The bane of us all.

If you want to focus on other things you could stop dating for a while. Doing that doesn't mean you're condemning yourself to live alone.

Goes both ways you know.

"All I want is a friendship and nothing more"

Auuuuughh! AN NT!

The difference is that I'm willing to take a friendship further when the time is right. I've yet to meet a woman that was like that...

To solve this problem, you must also answer what friends means. There are many definitions.

When you're a kid, you might have kids who live next door to you with whom your parents arrange you to play. At the time, you may refer to these kids as your friends. In retrospect, you may realize they were snotnosed brats who borrowed your toys and screwed them up.

On facebook, friend can mean anyone who requests to be your friend and is not actively objectionable in some way. It can even mean people you would never physically be in the presence of by choice in the real world if you have low enough standards.

In college, it can mean any acquaintance or hanger-on that you spend a lot of time around, even if that's only because they're friends with the same people you are friends with. Strangely, even if you hate this person's guts, you might refer to them as your friend, or you might do the same if you're fundamentally indifferent to them and will never initiate any social contact with them unprompted.

Obviously, it can also mean a person to who you're deeply committed, have great affection for, and do your best to invest lots of your free time with.

Most girls who just want to be friends, in my experience and opinion, mean the following. "You were never in serious consideration to date me. The very idea horrifies me, unnerves me, and saddles me with a lot of damned awkwardness. I'm hot and you're rather troll-like. Do you not know your place serf? Well, I'll offer to be friends because I'm pretty sure your intentions to me were pretty much driven by your genitals, and even if you do want to be friends with me, you're not my kind to such an obvious extent that any time you spend around me will be very short-lived, as my friends won't like you and will make it an exceedingly hostile environment to the point where if you have any perceptive capacity at all, you'll realize to get out. So yeah, let's be friends. I dare you inferior pile of Y chromosome."

-Frank

The only definition worth a damn...

Perhaps, but also an exceedingly unlikely candidate as the definition most girls are referring to when they suggest you just be friends with them.

-Frank

Umm, Ken? You're pretty much standing at truth's doorstep. Walk through that door.