I'm finally grateful for my aspergers

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Reading this title might confuse many because having aspergers or any kind of social impairment is tough to live with and it sucks(especially for relationships). However, I finally realized that by having aspergers, I'm much less likely to get into troubled relationships because I simply can't get into any relationships period. I've learned today that a certain girl I have been obsessed with and really admired (and I guess I physically wanted to to be with her too) is nothing but a huge, self centered, b***ch who treats even her friends like dirt. In short, she's a terrible person. Because I can't read social cues, I couldn't see what a huge b***h she really was and I thought the fact that she stopped talking to me was my fault. I have the mentality of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. However, I learned it wasn't my fault at all and she treats everyone terribly when she's in a bad mood which is often. Everyone else though noticed her b****y behavior right away and I think it's kind of sad it took me this long to see it once I heard others talk about her. I mean, I use to fantasize and obsess about this girl all the time. I really wanted to get into a relationship with her. I thought she was so beautiful and adorable. Of course, I couldn't ask to go out with her because I am extremely shy and withdrawn. However, that worked out for the best; only I didn't know it. The fact that I couldn't get into a relationship with her in the end saved me misery, unhappiness and probably humiliation I would have experienced if I was with her. So the fact is I was lucky. I knew a kid who tried to be friends with her and she was apparently obnoxious to him.

Now with why I posted this, I was just wondering if anyone experienced something similar to this? Was there ever a person you liked but because you are socially impaired, you couldn't see that in reality this was not a good person? I sometimes think that in a way, my aspergers helped me dodge a big bullet. I didn't have to go through the humiliation the other kid went through when he tried to be her friend. I'm more like an observer learning. The reason why I even liked this girl in the first place is because at first, she was so kind to me and when she was in a good mood, she was very pleasant. Once her dark side came out, her identity was truly revealed and even a socially messed up fool like me was able to finally see it. Someone like me can't be in a relationship with a girl who's like Jekyll and Hyde. No wonder she's been single for three years. Looks aren't everything.

So have you ever been grateful for aspergers in anyway? Maybe in relationship ways? I know I shouldn't be asking this because there's not a lot of good about it but I just thought I'd share why I think it helped me and to try to take something negative and put a positive spin on it.

It's not necessarily aspergers - love is blind... and it doesn't matter what anyone else says to a person who is in love because until they fall out of love, they won't accept negative comments about their chosen partner.

As far as bad partners are concerned, there's always someone around who will take advantage of your "blindness".

AS helped me stay out of several potentially abusive relationship in high school... as well as keeping me out of trouble with all the drunken parties that tended to happen...

Definitely has happened to me before. A situation similar to that made me realize that perhaps I shouldn't be in a relationship, and that if I were ever in one I would need to be assertive and not settle/put up with someone with a bad personality (or friend). Also it helped me learn you can't judge a book by its cover, someone may seem perfect but they assuredly have flaws, and you have to be realistic about them. A lot of times it is easy to get caught up in this fantasy world (like if you just went out with her you'd know everything would be just perfect) when in reality any relationship is going to take work, compromise and a honest view of your partner, which is also something I learned from that experience.

When I met Geoff I call him, I didn't even know he was playing me a fiddle. My parents knew from the start at the end of April he was a leech and I didn't think he was because he was out wanting to get a job and I was helping him apply for them. Then he was playing mind games with me and I didn't even know it and he was so difficult to be with because he was like a big kid instead of a 20 year old. It took me till July to find out he was lazy and he didn't care about me at all. Took me a few months after that to realize he wanted me for sex and that was why he was with me all the time until I told him I didn't want it till September because it was woo hot out to have it and I hated sticky skin and being hot. So he went to his computer and had been on it ever since never getting off except to use the bathroom, eat and sleep. he hardly showered and brushed his teeth. And he expected me to tell him to be with me "because his mind doesn't work that way" when he can decide to spend some time with me on his own without having me ask him to.

After spending half a life time in the shadows, I was very grateful to of found Aspergers and with that self, my autism heart / core and with understanding I am gaining the confidence to be who I always should of been.... I see myself as differently able and those of us on the autism spectrum are not just as diverse and different as those that are not, we also just like anyone have many strengths and weaknesses... but as I have found to truly understand, accept and allow makes life so much easier... sadly there will always be igorance people in the world, I avoid them

That's how I see it now. There's definitely a positive side to being single, because most relationships fail. "The only way to win is not to play." I just wish our culture would stop promoting fairy tales about love and romance... people need to be disillusioned.

Understanding truly helps, well it help my own relationship as now I am not making excuses I can explain!

Unconventional relationships never easy - mix in some asd traits, expect the unexpected...
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=146

Background: married 19 years and change, AS Dx 18 months ago

Situation: NT wife asked me on Wednesday, likely late at night prior to going to sleep, to do something for her , which I agreed to, and then fell asleep and completely forgot about. Wife is now (Monday) very angry that I never remember anything she asks me to do, and I make her feel unwanted and unloved.

I would take a point against her use of 'never' because it's not the case, but it would not help in defusing the
situation. I fully admit that I forget what people say, sometimes within minutes, but it's not like I am not listening
or am willfully acting in a contrary manner. Her mom-clique of friends inform her that their husbands are the same,
but AFAIK their husbands are all NT.

At what point should one realize that you can't drive a screw into wood with a hammer and pick up a screwdriver?

If marriages are too much trouble, I wonder how cheap getting a surrogate child is, if I go to the "medical promised land" of India.

Then raising the kid as a single father - how hard is that? If the income is reasonably well enough, then that could be fine.

My lineage must go on no matter what.

Believe you me its never easy raising any child, always a little easier when our own and more so if have 2 parents.... marriage is easy compared and if not ready for that, maybe you need to re- consider raising any child..... a child is not a object, but a gift for life... but saying that never a right time and the joy always for me has over shadowed the consequence...

I think you're making it sound a lot easier than it is.

That said, I've often thought that it might be easier if I was single and raising a child because then I'd only have my own brand of discipline/teaching to worry about. It feels like it's harder when the parents aren't 100% in synch.

Are not any parents, like any relationship a work in progress... and I like to think with children the more you give the more you receive 10 fold, but reality wise in todays society to many other pressures for some of us to have the time to be as good as parents as we can be, there is no right or wrong way with children, but I feel as long as the child does not suffer and is heard for who they are.... if you truly want the huge responsibility of children then go ahead, but also people without children need to understand the huge pressure and responsibility it brings....