Let's to go to Basics: The Concept of Dating

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What's dating?

My concept of dating is this one:

I do not date. If woman is interested in me, she should approach me first.

I am not putting myself at giving position.

I fail to see the distinction between your idea for what dating means and mak's. They are, ostensibly, the same. If there is a difference at all, it's only in standards (as mak refers to). Personally if a girl strikes me as kind of cute or otherwise attractive and we have a great first conversation, I might try to ask her out. Some other guys hold out until they really fancy the person in question, but I don't think that's a good strategy.

Personally I don't think it's at all obvious from your post on dating that your standards are high, but you may have a different notion to mak of what it is to have "feelings" for someone and that could be causing confusion. But maybe you do have high standards and I just haven't noticed.

If I have even a modicum of desire to get to know the woman better, I'll consider a date. For women, though, getting to know the guy better seems to be a prerequisite to a date, which raises the question of how that happens without a date? I'm out of college now, so I don't run into women (my age, single) on a day-to-day basis anymore; if we don't secure a date when I run into you, chances are I'll never see you again; obviously I'm going to opt to ask for a date.

My concept of dating is different again: I won't date unless we both fancy each other. Because of this I have never been on a date. If two people are dating, I consider them a couple because otherwise it's just a night out with a friend. Going on a date implies more than that: a special kind of evening out with a definite romantic interest on both sides. There is only one person of the opposite sex I have evening meals out alone with, and that's because of their suggestion. I'm actually very uncomfortable about the whole thing because of my take on what it means to date; it feels quite unnatural. However I can assure everyone I have no romantic interest in them and they do not have feelings for me either. They are a nice person and a good friend, that is all.

I'm going to agree with the sentiment that you two are just grubbing over details and fine tuning definitions and that you're both pretty much saying the exact same thing.

Personally, I see dating as somewhat of a backwards and overdramatized social ritual that only serves a purpose for shallow NT types. There are two levels of connection, let's call them superficial and deep for simplicity's sake. To have a successful and meaningful relationship, you have to connect on the deep level. Dating, however, provides only an opportunity to establish connection on a superficial level. From personal experience, I've found that those who I can interact with successfully on a superficial level tend to be those who I cannot connect with in a deep level in the *least*, and vice versa. Therefore, dating is somewhat useless for me, as anybody I could date would never turn into a relationship and the people I could have a relationship with are people that I'd never be able to date to the point where establishing a deep connection becomes possible.

I guess the notion is that the idea of dating puts establishing a relationship *before* establishing a deep connection, which I find to be completely backwards. It should be the other way around; relationship based on and flowing naturally from deep connection.

The gist of the difference as I understand it is that LPP advocates an approach of selectively asking only females with which he has strong defined feelings - not necessarily love or a crush, as he has said, but generally only after a length of time where one has built up a sense of emotion and belief that there is a future with this person. On the other hand, my approach (when actively dating) has been to ask someone out when I am first attracted to them, and to ask a greater quantity than LPP finds palatable. Whereas he believes that one should have more attachment and deeper feeling for the person before even asking them on a date, I believe that dating is the process through which one develops that attachment and connection leading towards a relationship. If I am wrong, LPP, please correct me. And I acknowledge freely that what works for me will not necessarily work for another.


M.

Dating in mostly something i see people
do in american movies - if i were to translate
"date" i guess it would be "stevnemøte" and
that just sounds way too....i dont know,
official or something.

I guess if you have no interest in someone
you`re not gonna date them - but if you
have some interest on some level you
might want to do a date to get to know
the person better, or something like that.

Not sure if i have ever been on "a date",
i`ve hung around with people i liked,
but i have never set up a time and a
place and having an official meeting.

So, in conclucion, dating in something
that happens in american movies
for me anyway (i`m in scandinavia)