Social Proof

Post Reply New Topic

A concept heavily pioneered by "AFC Adam" (Adam Lyons) as he is known in the seduction community, it revolves around being friendly with large groups of people in an environment in order to boost your social standing. The more people who react positively to your presence, the more likely you are to create an automatic combination of attraction + comfort when going in for the approach.

He cites a study in which female subjects were placed in front of a computer screen, and made to choose which male out of a series of pictures they found most attractive. Beside each one was a picture of a girl facing the male; either smiling or frowning. Every male had two identical pictures in the series with opposite reactions from the coinciding female pictures. The results showed that the males being smiled at were most attractive to the test subjects.

You may be telling yourself that to appease a crowd is a talent that Aspergians would have difficulty mastering. That may be a problem to some, but it can come down to simply paying several people in a room a genuine compliment (an article of their dress or appearance that you can see they had spent a long time preparing. Women styling their hair is a big one), or as Adam himself has done, buy everyone in the room drinks. The latter can become costly obviously, but his point was that gaining social proof isn't an intricate science. It is a rather minimal piece of work prior to the approach.

Adam's theory: Attraction + Comfort = Sex. He believes both attraction and comfort can be gained by massive social proof. Attraction, because you've made yourself popular to everyone in the area. Comfort, because if you are so well liked by so many, the chances of you being a dangerous individual are slim.

With both of those prerequisites met, it's theoretically okay to begin flirting with whichever girl you wish to become intimate with.

The issue with that and most people with AS, like me is most people with AS don't like socializing. I hate it. I don't feel there is any point to doing it. It has to have a purpose. feel if I got socialize with the purpose of finding someone, they will see right through that.

Are you trying to say that if you pay someone a genuine compliment that makes them happy about themselves, their subconscious mind is thinking: "He's only saying that so he can gain social proof and game that girl over there in the corner."

I believe that you are vastly overstating the power of human intuition.

I'm saying i'm the type of guy that would say to the person holding the party and inviting me something like:" I really don't like these type of things. But I'll come anyway so I can maybe meet a girl" .

Thats being too honest, and I won't lie, so I choose to just stay away.

Every productive idea presented on this board requires some sort of socializing. If you aren't at least willing to practice or try, whether you love or hate it, then you have no chance. Not meaning to sound condescending, nor am I claiming to be a dating master or guru. I'm far from it. I do know that finding a mate, whether for a night or for a life-time, requires some amount of socializing, and there are times when you will have to be around more than one person.

I'm only offering new ideas that someone surfing the boards might find helpful. I hope that you find whatever answer it is you're looking for.

I completely agree with this. WORDS OF WISDOM HERE.

A Spock Darkly, I understand what you are saying. But for me if I don't like doing something it will show in how I act, ect.. So I don't like big social gatherings, if I get dragged to one people will see I don't want to be there, ect.. I'm not going to be fake and pretend to like it for someone else. I'm going to be honest with how I feel. So all the women I would be interested in would see I'm not having a good time and that would turn them off.

The person I'm looking for will understand that I don't like big social gatherings and will not expect me to go to them unless its nessacary. (a funreal)

In my only LTR, my ex would always drag me to these big family gatherings. I did not know at the time about my AS. One time said said "I know you don't like these things, but you'll feel better after." So after the event she asked me how I felt and I was honest. I said I felt totally uncomfortable, that it was a waste of time, we could have been doing something productive, and I felt she does not respect my feelings anymore. She knew I hated those things but she would always make me go.

I perfer small social gatherings, under 6 people or so, or one on one. The OP said you should go to large gathering to boost your social standing. I don't care about my social standing, how large groups of people think I'm cool and all that. That kind of stuff is all BS.

Fascinating.

And I found your "social ladder" to be an advisable progression for those that are struggling.

You're absolutely right about the power of social proof. Don't need to go any farther than the nearest bar or club to see it in action. Most of those places are so crowded & loud that nobody can hear half of what you say. How you're seen being reacted to is all that matters when meeting new people in those places.

If a guy is seen dancing with other girls, other girls want to dance with him. If he's seen talking to a lot of people, other people want to talk to him. If he's sitting alone interacting with nobody, no matter how great he is below the surface, nobody will feel any desire to interact with him.

I agree with you. its the sheep mentallity. People acting cool and fake for other people. I know I hate those things, I'm not going to to talk to anyone while i'm there, why pretend to be someone I'm not just to get a girl? If I meet someone acting totally fake, they will think thats how I really am and they will think i'm like that all the time, so I have to be fake more for them. I'd rather be liked for who I am then have a relationship based on a lie.

it all depends on who you want to pull.

be careful what you wish for.

trust me there is nothing worse than having a partner/lover who likes parties and is sociable. I never want to be in that place again!! *shudders*

aspies are best off meeting people who hate people, the internet is a great thing!!

What about aspies who like socialising? Surely it is a matter of degree?

I think so. Like I said, I like socializing in small groups from time to time, not all the time. I have to really work at the big get togethers. Every xmas eve whe have a thing at my grandmas. I always get physically sick thinking about going.

As far as my ex I mentioned, we were doing family gatherings all the time, like more then one a week. If one had a birthday on a sunday, we would all get together on sunday for cake and ice cream. If two days later on tuesday, one had another birthday, two days later the whole family would get together for cake and ice cream AGAIN. I thought it was a bit much, even if I did not have AS I would have thought it a bit much.

There's still the possibility, as slim as it may be, that a cute girl will be driving by my place, have a flat tire, come to my door for help. When I open the door to see who its, she sees that I'm watching the latest episode of Lost and says something that indicates she's upset because she missed it and forgot to record it, to which I invite her to watch it with me after I help her with the tire. That's about what it would take for me.

Agree. This is the same reason why everybody and their brother watches American Idol, because one cool person thought it was cool. People are superficial.