Do Aspie women go for the same kind of man a NT woman wants?

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Just curious because it seems AS guys have difficulties with getting any women to like them much less an NT woman, but AS women seem to have it easier in the dating world... But what kind of guys do Aspie women prefer?

Guys and girls; your thoughts on this matter.

Last edited by x-celevision on 03 May 2009, 3:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I didn't know I had AS when I was dating. I've been married twice and my first husband was very much NT and didn't understand me. My second husband has a touch of AS I believe but our marriage didn't last either.

As for dating, if I had my time over again as a younger person, I feel, knowing what I know now I would try to meet another Aspie, but not actually rule out NTs either. Although it seems easier for AS women to get a date, further down the line where marriage and family life takes place, difficulties can arise for AS women if they're with a man who takes advantage of them and keeps expecting too much of them ie. social entertaining, producing dinners for guests or socialising in general with large crowds of people.

When it's just at the dating stage, a reasonably well matched couple can have a good time.

Don't take this as gospel, this is just from my own personal experience.

I am an Aspie woman, and I go for very different type of men than my NT friends (and the average NT women) do. All the men I really loved were usually considered to be "nerdy" by all the other women.

Yes, I also think that Aspie women can usually easier get a man than Aspie men. I think that the explanation lies in the fact that different behaviour is expected from the two genders. Society usually considers that men should take the initiative when it comes to a relationship. So if a women is shy and passive that is considered quite normal, but if a man acts like that, it is considered unmanly.

But on the other hand, I'm quite the opposite -- I am quite active and I keenly make the first step if needed.

Anyway, when it comes to preferences, I always expected the men to impress me intellectually. I always valued that very highly. I always fell in love on the intellectual plane at first. If we were compatible intellectually, I was sure that our souls and bodies will be compatible as well.

I think it's different person by person. A person's expression of AS may have influence, but everyone is attracted to different kinds of people.

Agreed. For me, it's about the person, not what what dx he may/may not have.

Im an Aspie guy and Ive never really had the chance to date Aspie women cos they're almost impossible for me to run into IRL.
My first gf had a lot of autistic traits herself though I didnt realize it at the time. I cant really be picky but if I actually could I would go for women who had SOME kind of mental abnormality, be it AS or something else. Many bipolar women seem to be interested in me. I have a feeling that if and when I find myself in a relationship again it will surely be with someone who is abnormal.

I usually go for nerdy or artsy types, and that's probably the reason I've had so many crushes on aspie guys.

It's because NT guys are not bothered that a woman is an aspie, while NT women don't want anything to do with most aspie guys.

I know an NT woman who is married and, even though she already has a mate, her attitude towards me changes anytime I forget to wear my NT facade. Often I'll focus on the fact that she's not available to me as a mate and then start facing towards something else, while I'm still answering a question of hers. When I notice her attitude towards me changing, I'm reminded that she expects people to converse face-to-face.

It's funny, there's always that one girl in the club that seems a little different and we'll catch eyes with each other but neither of us will approach, so then I wait until she goes to the dance floor and go up to her to dance and she'll seem to enjoy dancing with me, or at least not mind it at all, and then suddenly her friend I would presume to be an NT would grab her hand and pull her away from me and leave me looking like an idiot dancing with his imaginary friend. Sweet!

"Looking like an idiot" is one of the main reasons why I never dance OR go to clubs.

Amen to that. I can slow dance...kinda, but that's it.

Anyways, Each person has their own tastes and ideas about what is attractive. There are a lot of people out there (whether it be NT, aspie, male, or female) that go for others based on their looks first, then their personality a close second. Some of these people could care less about someone's personality, if they don't look good. I know it shouldn't be like this, but that's usually the way it goes.

I met a NT guy on okcupid over a year ago. He's short, shaved head and maybe not what most NT babes would go for. For me he has shown me such devotion and is protective of me in ways no other man has been. He delights in my quirks, honesty and intense focus on any task I put my mind to. He's patient with my spaclness like the smoke detector going off when dinner's done. We're working on the cuddling more but he doesn't force the issue.

He gives me security and comforts me when we have to go out to crowded places like Wal-Mart and understands that I can only tolerate less than an hour before I'm ready to have a public meltdown. In a way he likes that shopping isn't a hobby for me thus I'm not too much of a spend thrift.

We live in the country and we just had a baby goat born last night and I need to go feed him as momma seems clueless. I'll check in later. That's my experience and typically I'm attracted to geeks and not what most gals would go for. Looks mean little to me.

I go for whomever I connect strongly with intellectually and emotionally, and this tends to be fellows who are introverted, nerdy, and in some way or another weird, odd, or unusual thinkers who see things from an unconventional perspective. Whether NT women go for the same kind of men I do, my tentative answer is "not in my experience" -- but I don't think it's possible to lump the collective taste of the female NT population together. I can say that I couldn't care less one way or the other about stuff like financial status, what kind of job or car a guy has, etc. and I know some women care about those things. The NT girlfriends I've had usually don't find the kind of guys I go for particularly appealing. It's not uncommon for me to think a guy is super cute and charming and other girls think he's ugly and weird or whatever.

I do find that I generally click better with guys who have either AS or any of the related disorders (or whatever they're properly called) like ADD/OCD/SPD, etc. and quite a few of my friends fit these descriptions but I wouldn't say I purposely seek them out or limit myself to them. The problem I would have with dating aspie guys is that many seem (relatively speaking) emotionally immature and/or have awful communication skills. For me to date or be in a relationship (with an NT or aspie), all I ask is that he is at least somewhat emotionally mature enough to deal with the issues that come up in adult relationships and not completely incompetent at being in tune with my feelings.

I naturally gravitate towards the odd ones and they naturally gravitate towards me.

I have only been in one relationship with a textbook....NT...and the only thing we really had in common is that we had nothing in common...but ended up being stuck together for 6 years...

I am polyamorous and have 2 boyfriends...

My main partner pursued me...He is creative, obsessive, spontaneous, childlike, visionary and intelligent..Lots of ADD traits...

My "other" partner is an effeminate very ASish...childlike...lefthanded (like me)....visual thinker...vegan..bike riding...skinny...shy...hedonistic....performance artist.

Hmm... well I never seem to go for the types most females I know seem to be into... don't know if that means I go for aspies over NT's though; the male population is far too diverse to be split solely along the lines of aspie/NT.

I have an NT partner, he has nerdy interests like me though, much like all the other people I have dated. He has red hair too, which I find attractive. Apparently red haired guys are not usually considered that attractive by people... :\ but he is good looking. I do not seem to go for the same type of guys that most women go for, as I do not like "macho" or "jock" type guys, too boring. My main criteria are that guys are taller than me, good in bed, and are nerdy. Whether they are NT or AS does not really matter. Though, I've been with my boyfriend for a while now (5+ years) so I have not really had to think about this question much...