AS vs the strip club...

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Ok, first of all, to any female members, I intend no disrespect by this post. It probably does not fall into that of romantic relationships, but there isn't really a good forum for this type of post anyways. However, it was an interesting experience that I thought may have some benefit to some.

First, let me say that I have not really had an interest in going to a strip club. To me, the concept seemed rather pathetic- Pay an obscene cover charge to enter a place where women pretend to like you in order to extract money, and the worst part about it- even if a girl IS really interested in you, you still have the ineviatble hurdle to a relationship that her stripping would be. If you meet her in a strip club and start dating, when is she going to meet a "better" guy the same way? Insecurity city.

Well, a friend of mine works for Red-Bull, and delivers it to an all-nude strip club. The owner of the club gave him a card that grants him automatic access for himself and a small group of friends, including the "VIP Room", that basically consists of free lap dances from the dancer that most recently was on the stage. Thus, he tells me that I really need to experience a strip club. I tell him I am nervous about going, due to the lights/noise/touch etc, and agree only on the condition that I drive so that I can determine when we leave.

I have to say that I had a good time, however, this was largely due to the fact that most of the "services" were free due to my friend. Had I been actually paying, I think that it would have lived up to my expectations. The girls were sugary-sweet nice, trying to get you to spend $20-$100 for a lapdance. I cringe at the thought of regulars wasting money in hopes that the girls really care about them.

One thing I was surprised about was how many women were there in the audience. Perhaps 35-40% of the people there were female, and a good number not with boyfriends, just there with a group of guy and girl friends.

The girls seemed to enjoy what they did. I did not feel that it was exploitative, although I will largely steer away from that discussion.

Anyways, I know a lot of Aspies are opposite sex challenged, and may consider this, so I figured I would relate my experience.


Pros:

Of course the entire format of a strip club is to appeal to the male sex drive. For most Aspie guys, the experience consists of physical/intimate contact by women that are more physically attractive than at least what I can reasonably hope of having a relationship with in real life. Obviously physical assets are not everything, but hormones says it plays a role.

The girls were very good looking, friendly, and um, good.

Lapdance- provides an avenue towards physical enjoyment of the other sex that a lot of Aspies miss. It did not feel as awkward as I expected, mainly because the girls teat it as a fun "tease" instead of something more serious/creepy. If you can do the same, you will probably enjoy it more. NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR ANY TYPE OF INTIMACY. Also, very tough to keep issues with touch at bay. I really don't like strangers touching my neck thus I kept it against the chair back. If you get a lapdance, expect to be smothered with breasts or other intimate parts. This can be awkward when you are not used to the attention, especially because this is very mundane to the girl.

Cons:

Price- If I was paying, there would have been a $30 cover charge. Lap dances for non-VIP members were $20 for one song (or more). If you sit at the closest seats to the stage, you will be expected to tip the dancer, which will mean a few dollars every 5 minutes.

Lots of strobes or other flashing lights. If this sets you off, expect to limit your time. To try to get some control over stimuli, I spent a could of minutes with my head on my knees and eyes closed. This prompted a dancer to come up and ask why, to which I could give no good explanation.

YOU WILL BE TOUCHED. Even if you don't get a lapdance, dancers work the audience. Some of the more forwards dancers will sit in your lap to ask if you want a dance. Others will caress your neck often from behind with no warning. It is expected that you will be ok with this. I largely wasn't, and it made it difficult.

It is shallow! The worst thing you can expect is that going to a strip club will lead to any type of relationship. All you are getting is what is happening at that moment. Don't spend money on a stripper to "help your chances". Treat her like your would any other person you are hiring for a service. This may ruin the appeal for some, if so, don't go. Don't get sucked into thinking it is something it is not.


All in all, it was a unique experience. It is definitely not something I would pay for, and I am glad I did not. I may go again, but only if it is free.

I hope this is informative to anybody contemplating visiting such an establishment.

Interesting analysis.

Thanks Anachronism,

I have never understood the appeal of such places, apart from my fear as you call it of entering clubs, bars and strip clubs. I once went to a strip club out of curiousy, however did not enjoy the experiece. I'm not interested ever in my lifetime of entering those places. I feel the people both the strippers and their patrons are demeaning themselves, call me old fashioned if you will, but that is how I feel.

I'm not interesting into having a relationship with a stripper, because my father was married to a hooker and that marriage was not good on him because she cheated on him with other men several times and left him once temporarly.

The other individual I was with kept trying to pick up strippers and cocktail waitresses. I don't see why at all. Not that they weren't attractive, just that they would happily string him along for a tip. Which is exactly what they did.

I always enjoy strip clubs, but knowing how the dancers string customers along for a tip, I never try to pick them up. Quite the opppsite, I like to mess with them sometimes. For instance, when a dancer asked me what I did for a living, I gave her and answer, and said: "what about you?" It was so funny to see the reaction on her face.

I'm really sorry if this comes across as rude, I really don't mean it to be, but as a woman, I feel I should share my views on such places.

I agree with newchum that it is demeaning to all people involved, especially the women. In these types of establishments they are pretty much being relegated to objects of sexual entertainment; also, practices such as strip clubs and prostitution are putting a monetary value on something that should be priceless-that is, a woman's sexuality and body. Monetary value is something that belongs to objects and should never be put on a person or any part of a person. If these women were looked upon as human beings, more people would realize just what a degrading situation they are being put in. A woman-a human being-is exposing her body, a priceless part of herself, to strangers who are taking their sexual pleasure from her and giving fifty dollars or whatever is customary to giver her in return. People pay money in return for pleasure for things like food and games. A woman is not food or a game, she is a human being. A question everyone who goes to these places should ask themselves is, would you want someone you respected and cared deeply about as a person to put themselves in this situation?

Yes, these practices are widespread and accepted and even enjoyed by women, but you have to remember that we still live in a society in which women are judged primarily by their physical attractiveness and often objectified. That's why in commercials, t.v shows, movies, etc. we often see ordinary looking men and physically attractive women in revealing clothing. It is why many women feel the need to spend an hour a day applying makeup to themselves to improve their appearance, and even putting themselves in danger with cosmetic surgery; I personally have never seen a man wearing makeup, putting himself in danger, or going to nearly the same lengths as a woman goes to to improve his appearance, because he has no need to-while appearance certainly matters to some extent, a man can get by mostly on merit. It's about time men started seeing us as equal human beings and not sex objects.

I realize now that my last post sounded pretty harsh. I'm really sorry about that; I wasn't really angry at any person in particular, just the idea of it I guess. I really hope I didn't offend anyone. I guess it's something I feel pretty strongly about and I'm pretty opinionated and fiery at times

Whilst it's true that such places demean women, don't forget the men that are being hopelessly exploited by parting with large amounts of cash because they're driven by uncontrollable hormonal urges.
No, I'm not being sarcastic. I think strip clubs are cynical money grabbing places that exploit mens worst weaknesses. Most of the women there know exactly what they're doing. After all, they're simply removing their clothes and dancing in a provocative fashion in order to trick men into giving them cash. Big deal - if it wasn't for the sexual and nudity taboos of society, these places wouldn't even exist.
I take my clothes off every day, nobody pays me to do it!

I've been to a strip club twice, on both occasions I was the one that felt cheapened and de-humanized. Like my sexual urges had been commoditized and then they taunted me by capitalizing on my desire for sexual intimacy. Yuck. Never again.

Whether the women there should or shouldn't be doing it, that's another matter. As a self-respecting man, I now chose not to go into these places.

Last edited by eyeenteepee on 10 Nov 2005, 2:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't have a problem with strip clubs existing. I just don't like the thought of them. to me they seem like nasty scarey places that I would never even entertain the idea of going to. The girls that work at the strip clubs have no repect for the people they are dancing for or them selfs. The people that go to the strip clubs also have not respect for the girls dancing. I think the girls at the strip clubs would have as much respect as a piece of garbabe.

I think that it is a needed out lit for some men and alot of these men are being exploted. I think if you want to goto a strip club and are desprate enough to part with that much money then you can do what you please.

I just would not have any self respect for going to such a hollow place. Some thing more meaningful would be what I was looking for. I am not anti strip clubs but I just find them depressing personally and I don't expect any of yous to feel the same.

I agree with pretty much everyone here with regards to men potentially being exploited.

The value it had for me, knowing that the girls are only there to extract money from the guys, was very little. No way would I have paid- hell, a prostitue would actually get you some action, and probably for less money too. As long as you are paying for company, whats the real difference aside from services offered?

Some argue that it isn't about leading a guy on, or a lonely guy looking for attention, but just about enjoying the more elemental nature of the male sex drive. Men generally respond favorably to the type of attention offered at strip clubs, which makes it an enjoyable outing, and worth the money. At least that would be the argument. If the girls get what they want (money) and the guys get what they want, and both are happy, what's the issue?

I don't necessarily agree with that just from the standpoint that the girls (and the establishment) definitely try to string you along as much as humanly possible. You don't have a chance with the women, but you won't hear that until your bank account is empty.

I would also like to point out that from a relationship standpoint, physical looks are way down at the bottom of the page (although still there). There is a lot of stuff more important to me in a "real" relationship.

With regards to the strip club, yep, I had fun, but the only thing I paid was a dollar here and there for tips, as everything else was free. I spent $14 over almost 5 hours, which made it a cheap, fun night. However, if I actually had to pay for drinks, cover, and VIP, I would be way up over $300. I wouldn't have even paid the cover to get in the door, and still wouldn't.

I once got an escort for $300 per hour, for one hour. Personally, it's a much better value for your money. At the very least, I got some action. In a strip clubs, girls simply tease you, and you don't get anything, save for an occasional touch.

Most people have a built-in need to feel attractive to people they're attracted to. This is what leads some women to go to extremes in trying to look good, and for men to attempt to demonstrate power and influence, for example. It's an instinctual drive for people to improve their status and have a greater choice in available mates. This drive seems to be a bit muted in aspies, but the basic desire to be desired is still there.

Strip clubs are a sort of condensed version of this dance. Men show their power by throwing around money and are rewarded by attention from desirable women. Women put on this exaggerated show of sexuality and are rewarded with favorable attention and money. Strippers pick that profession largely for the attention they get - it's not just about the money. Even though both sides know it's not the same as the intimacy that comes from a real relationship, it still feels good enough for some people to keep going.

I'm not saying strip clubs are a necessarily a good or healthy thing, but it may be better than the alternatives for someone not able to form a "normal" long term one-on-one relationship. I'd rank it above drunken bar hookups or picking up street walkers, for example. Never having tried those last two I can't say for sure, though

When i went to a strip club i think i set off the girls gaydar. I made friends with every girl i talked to, and after a while they all seemed to simultaneously know to stop asking me if i wanted a lap dance. They spent the rest of the evening working my friends while i talked to them about their kids and school life and careers and stuff.

I'd go to a strip club soley so I could sit in the corner, wear a trenchcoat, and have a voice-over running through my head:

"...It was another night at the club, same as usual. I could see Johnny the Mooch standing near the bar, chatting to one of the waitresses... poor fella always blew his money on drinks and dames as soon as he finished a job. Mindy was dancing on the stage, throwing a glance at me every now and then, which I largely ignored. I told her last time- I don't take charity cases. If she wanted me to dig up anymore clues, she'd better fork over some cold hard cash..."

As a woman, I think that these statements and the subject they deal with are disrespectful and demeaning to women in a number of ways.

First, they discuss women as if they were items at a store, or a concert-an object with monetary value that can be bought and sold. One might argue that they are not discussing the women themselves, but the services they offer, but these are not services that involve a woman's intellect or skill, but an essential, priceless part of herself-her body and her sexuality. To put a price on it, and, even more shockingly, to discuss getting a bargain or a value as if it is not even worth a great deal of money objectifies it and cheapens it to the point where it becomes worth less than some, if not many, objects. With all due respect, those were some of the most disrespectful statements to a woman's sexuality that I have ever heard.

Secondly, they portray men, rather than women, as the victims being exploited. While I do believe it is true that the women involved are certainly not innocent either, as it is their choice (except for the forced prostitution thousands of women around the world, including America, must suffer, but that's another story), it is also the choice of men to go to these places and give away their money. I don't think those places lure them either; there is a little thing called self-control. If you think you're being exploited, then don't go. Period. One may argue that this is a double standard-women have a choice, so they're not being exploited either. However, I am talking about two very different things (although some people tend to equate them, unfortunately)-money and a woman's body and sexuality. A person isn't being exploited when they give away a bunch of money by choice. However, it is my opinion that a person is being exploited when they are exposing their priceless body while others oogle over it and use it for their own base sexual pleasure and put a price on it-and sometimes not a very high one either. Women do make the choice to work as strippers or prostitutes, and are not totally innocent, but someone mentioned here that they do it for the attention as much as the money. Maybe if they got some attention for their intellect or skill, they wouldn't need attention for their sexuality, which is an inherent quality should be equally respected in all women and not oogled (if the woman is attractive) or ridiculed (if the woman is unattractive) (one might argue that talent, intellect and skills are inherent also; however, a person must work to improve and develop them, and the monetary value that comes from them comes not from the qualities themselves, but from the way in which they are put to use, making it it much more meaningful to the person). But-and I do acknowledge that great strides have been made-we still live in a male-dominated society where women have to work extra hard to earn equal respect in regards to her skill and talent because she is still judged primarily by her sexual attractiveness. In many ways, we are the sex class.

The argument that it appeals to people on an instinctual level is a good one and does explain this well; however, I think it's time to rise up to a higher plane. Our instincts also can incite things like violence, greed, territorialism, etc. etc. but there is a thing called self-control. If you wouldn't judge someone you care and respect about, such as a significant other, by sexual attractiveness and appeal, why would you judge any women by this? I say the same to women who are concerned with money and power in men.

But then again, what do I know. I'm just an outspoken woman. Also known by some men (but certainly not all, I don't mean to insult anyone) as a b****.

yep - i like the whole post, midge, and i particularly the bit i've wuoted - it goes both ways.



/me laughs ruefully - the two are often seen as mutually inclusive, midge, i'm afraid.