I need help I'm seeing this Aspie guy, and I'm confused

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, I'm 22 years old and I'm seeing this 35 year old guy with AS. It's so hard to figure him out. We've been going out for a month, I just wanna know if he likes me or not, it's so hard for me to figure him out. I mean he splurges gifts on me, dinner at the mandarin oriental, every fine dining resto, but whenever his work comes up or his cats are in the way, I suddenly become invisible. And I always have to make a first move before does things to me, is he in to me really, or he just likes me because most guys just want me because I'm said to be an exotic Asian girl, and he's English and he barely dates because he owns an IT company, and he always goes on business trips around Asia. But he likes to cuddle and cook for my fave foods when he has time, I just wanna know, I really don't want to get hurt, and I also have a disability of saying what I feel, this is a first time I like a person coz of personality, I was always shallow, he always makes me laugh lol. Also I didn't tell him yet I miscarried on our baby, but he doesn't know that I was preggo... I'm really scared I'm not really good at this feelings talk, I was always an ice queen and a mean girl and he's making me soft.

It sounds like he likes you, But you need to speak to him. I am assuming you are in a relationship? And if you are and are unhappy with certain aspects of the relationship you need to relay this to him. It is all about communication. Tell him what you want from him, if he doesnt budge after a while, and still treats you the same, simply leave him.

yes, we're in a getting to know each other phase, I'm just trying to figure him out without sounding clingy... because I'm still bitter about my last serious relationship and he still had the courage to ask me out, because mostly guys only have an interest in me because of my looks, and I just want to know if this is for real, and he's still abit busy this weekend coz he has a business trip again on Monday, and he missed 2 days off work because he was spending time with me... I will try to talk to him when he gets back from Malaysia, I guess... but thanks...

was he diagnosed with Asperger's?

He really does sound like he likes you. I was married to an aspie guy (aspie myself, but neither of us knew at the time) so we got confused about each other's behaviour.

But the thing is, if he cooks for you... blummin eck ... that's unheard of!

Basically, for an aspie guy to think highly enough of you that he will set aside time to cook something he knows you like, to think of your gustatory needs and desires, that's great. And don't worry about him focussing on the cats. You wouldn't want a guy who didn't love his animals... it's not that he doesn't love you, it's that he doesn't know how to show he loves you and the cats at the same time.

Seriously, I like the sound of him.

Oh... I'm sorry you miscarried, That could be causing you to feel extra insecure. I know, the same thing happened to me.

Tell him, it will make things easier.

And be glad... it sounds like you've got a good man there, even if he is awkward.

(My guy used to forget I was there when he was doing his science stuff... I wouldn't have minded if I'd known we were aspie. I used to forget he was there when I was doing my language stuff. Thing is, we both still loved each other.)

Don't worry too much.

It sounds like this guy really likes you. Give him a chance and talk to him, thats all i can say.

The things you say are making you unsure about whether he likes you sound like typical aspie behaviour to me - such as the focus on his cats, etc. You don't need to worry, because these things are entirely unrelated to you.

Like another poster said, aspies tend to focus on one thing at a time, so if he's playing with his cats he's probably just thinking about the cats and not you, and vice versa (when he's spending time with you he's not thinking about anything else), it certainly doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.