Dear People Who Are In The Elevator With Me

Post Reply New Topic

Dear guests at work,


Please don't try to talk to me and keep having a conversation going with me. I am not interested what you have to say and am not interested talking about the weather or anything unless it's Spokane or Benny & Joon.

Excellent movie.

what about other Johnny Depp movies

They're mostly pretty good.

ah yes

Ok, update:

Dear World,

Ssshhhhh!

They say that Germany is like the land of aspies.

And I used to live in the south and it's all true . . .

Dear people in the library who visit the children's section,

For those of you who visit regularly, you should know that the doors to stairwell slams loudly. Please don't just go in and out, without catching the door and closing it quietly. Every time that thing slams, I want to get up and scream about people who are inconsiderate of those around them.

Thank you,

lastcrazyhorn

Dear people I work with

Just because I come out with stupid things at times does not mean I am your comedy machine and will do so on command. The fact I don't reply is not in fact because I am "out of it"/"stoned" etc. but more the fact I find conversation on who you had intercourse with last night and who you fought last night quite lame and pathetic.

Dear irritating ex intermediate school extrovert,


Please do not come into my house in the afternoon, knock on my door, let me ask you what you are doing for you to say "...not much, and you?". I find it extremely time wasting.
I also do not care about your last high school party that you went to, who you had intercourse with and what illegal drug you experimented with. I also do not want to hear about the girl who threw up on the carpet and the boy that punched a hole in the wall.

If you want to talk about pointless things, please tell someone who actually cares, as I don't.

One more thing...the rules I have on my bedroom door are not there for decoration or for you to mock. When I say not to touch anything of mine, it does not mean jump on my bed and mess it up!

Sincerely,
The girl who once considered you a sane human being.

Dear Frito-Lay,

Please stop putting powerful and addictive excitotoxins in your salty snack treats...

What? You're not supposed to say these things out loud?

Uh oh...

Haha, yes! I'll wait in a loong line for the U-scan rather than go to an empty clerk-line.



Right-on Phagocyte. It's not that I'm unwilling talking to my haircutter-person, it's just that small talk makes me want to peel my face off.
If my barber brought-up an interesting intellectual subject, or even if they wanted to excitedly explain their own interests to me, that's fine!

For example, suppose my barber says:
"So I'm working here to help pay my tuition. I'm going to be a Biologist. Really interesting stuff ya know? For example, I've been thinking about this for awhile: there is this specific kind of beetle, and they (insert some odd behavior), but nobody knows why they (do this behavior), and no one has any explanation, because it turns out to be harmful for them and their offspring in every way, so no one has any idea how it could have evolved. Any ideas?"

That would be great!

However, this is what usually occurs:

Hairdresser: "Man it's cold."
Me: "Yeah."
Hairdresser: "So, you going to the game tonight?"
Me: "What game?"
Hairdresser: "The FOOTBALL game! Don't pretend like you didn't know!"
Me: "Uh...nah, I've got stuff to do."
(silence)
Hairdresser: "So, what are you doing for Christmas?"
Me: "....Going home, I guess"
Hairdresser: "Where ya from?"

AHHHHHH!! !! !! !! !! !

dear church pastor,
I'm not a bad christian, I just don't do well among groups of people.

Dear guy next door, I wasn't looking at you I was looking at your car, cause I like beetles, you're not cute.

dear ex co-workers I heard what you said. I have good ears

dear hair stylist, I'm not a very serious person but when you're cutting my hair I can't talk. I'm thinking of your scissors and feeling every single cut they make.

Dear friend that offered me a ride, I didn't know I was supossed to say No.

dear new inlaws I can't dance. yes and I'm a woman of latin american ancestry

Dear children's ministry administrators, giving me my own sunday school class to teach was not a wise decision.

Dear future Jewish girlfriends, please don't tell my non-jewish parents, "We Jews are the thinkers of the world," as I value their opinions.

Dear fellow package handlers, please do not feel threatened by my work. I am doing the work of three people because I like to work fast.

-Ozzy

Dear girlfriends past and future, I don't know how you manage to win arguments with me through misdirection, inaccuracies, and outright fallacies, but I'm willing to learn.

-Ozzy