Worried about meeting a friend...

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I don’t like to touch/ come in contact with other people and as far as i can remember I never have. I can tolerate it when I have to, like while visiting grandparents/relatives and their required hug/greeting, but it always makes me tense up and get nervous for no real reason I can think of and I can get nervous with even basic things like hugs or handshakes.
I am asking because I have a close friend/almost boyfriend who wants to visit some time in the future (he lives in a different state so we have never met) so I’m not sure if this is going to be an issue that doesn’t apply to him because we are close friends, or if this problem is going to be constant no matter who I’m with (as it has been so far).

Anyone else have experience with this or am i just odd?

Hi SolarShadow,

I understand completely! I am exactly the same. I don't like to come in contact/touch people but I make the effort with family etc. To me it feels like tiny, sharp, excrutiating pin pricks wherever my body meets theirs. Almost like I can feel their body's electrical current flowing through to mine? It's decidedly painful and I want to avoid it as much as possible.

This unfortunately goes for pretty much everyone, but I do attempt to make the effort. Because different people 'feel' different to me, sometimes I am more comfortable with one person over others. But the pain is still there, just lesser. I'm never sure who that 'lesser energy' person might be though.

I am a Mum and unfortunately my daughter is not one of the people I can tolerate touching/being in contact with for long. She is also Aspie but very affectionate (overly so) and does not have this tactile defensiveness thing going on.

I may have not explained my feelings and experience here very clearly. I don't really think I *feel* people's energy when we come in contact...I just have no other way to describe it. But it *does* vary...for me anyway.

I really hope that you can be comfortable with your friend and that you take the relationship as far as you can/want it to go.

Good luck.

Thanks
Its good to know im not the only one.

Hey Solar,

What would you describe it as? Is it pins and needles or energy, or just a general "ick"? or something else?

Hard to explain now that I try to think of it... I've never taken notice to exactly how it feels cause I tend to jump away as soon as I'm touched. But from what I recall it's usually just "ick" and makes me tense up and feel anything between kinda and really uneasy depending on whether or not I expected it.

Dont know if that makes sense or not but since most of my attention goes to avoiding it/getting away I've never paid specific attention to the feeling itself. I just know it has always bothered me to come into physical contact with people as far back as I can remember.


Also my friend suggested a while ago that I just need to get used to it and the problem will go away... but if that were the case wouldnt I have become used to it by now?

I don't have a touch sensitivity, so I'm not sure wether your friend is out of his mind or not.

But if you always try to avoid it, or always jump away, it would be fair to assume that you've never tried to let yourself get used to it...

again though I don't have a sensitivity so I'm not very sure.




I was thinking of riding a bike....If you fall off a few times and get hurt, your less likely to try it in the future, and therefore less likely to ever actually learn, or at least take the time to try to learn.


Just ignore me, I'm probably wrong.


Anyone else have anything else to say or chime in with?

Solar,

I will say this. Although my sensitivity has not lessened with time, my tolerance for contact with certain people has gotten better. This morning I voluntarily hugged my daughter.

While this may not seem like a great feat to anyone, to me it was a big moment. a) I identified that she needed to be comforted and b) I overcame my own sensitivities and confusion at her emotion to provide her with an appropriate measure of comfort.

Do not think that if you cannot tolerate his touch that you will always be that one. Persist until the moment you absolutely know that you can no longer do it...that moment may never come and you may learn to tolerate contact with him. You may even enjoy it.

I believe that sometimes it is hard to live without human touch/comfort.
Some nights I wish that I had someone around who would hug me and comfort me and make me feel like everything would be ok. I do not have that, and if I'm honest with myself I probably never will. I think, if you have the chance, you need to give it everything you have, and accept everything you can tolerate. Otherwise, you may regret a missed opportunity, and that would be much harder to live with than to live with the certainty of knowing that it wasn't meant to be.

Well how do you feel about your friend? Is it something you actually want for yourself, or doing to "just be nice"?

Honesty is usually the best policy. So if you feel weird after something tell him?