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TheCynicalSun
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15 Dec 2009, 12:01 am

I had always had an issue with people emotionally manipulating me. They haven't been directly nice to me. And since from K-12, I have been ignored, isolated, and never really fit.
I feel awkward around people who are nice to me. Right now there is this girl who is being nice to me, she's being sweet, and even flirting with me. But I don't trust her.
I have been manipulated so much that I don't trust people. I don't know how to trust people. And I don't know how to take this niceness. I don't know how to show niceness to someone who is being nice to me.
I feel awkward enough in her presence and then I find myself doing the broken record thing where I just ask a bunch of questions. Because I don't know what to say.

When am trying to talk to people, it seems to go find till I make it to weird. Most cases people understand the subject, they don't grok the way I do about it. I feel sorta like a ghost in the conversation. I can contribute, but at the same time it doesn't feel like me. I hate having to limit my personality because people don't understand me.


I feel strange and nearly awkward asking strangers, like people at restaurants for things. I always get like this nervous loop in my stomach while ordering a drink at Starbucks.

I don't know how to trust people.
And I don't know how to give my trust to people.
I don't know how to share with the people who do want to get to know me.
Simply because I don't trust anyone enough to hand out that information.


I'm really at a lost. I don't know how to socialize and I don't know how to feel either.



intense
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15 Dec 2009, 8:06 am

I would imagine most Aspie's can relate to this - when people have treated you badly and stabbed you in the back so many times it's no wonder you find it hard if not impossible to trust people.
What I do is give them 2 strikes and their out, if they do something nasty once and apologize for it they get a second chance, if they don't apologize at all they're out right away - if they do something nasty to me and apologize but then go on to do another nasty thing to me they're out for good.
I find this 2 strikes and your out system works very well for me - for years I would let people walk all over me but you will find that sadly if you behave like doormat some people will treat you like a doormat.

I always start off expecting people to turn nasty but until they do I think you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and leave yourself open to possible attack - in a way that's good because you quickly find out who the genuine people are. I have been surprised by how long people can hold out before they show you their true colors though so it takes me many years before I let myself really trust them.

There are no easy answers to this - just don't allow people treat you badly only give them a few chances and if the screw up then it's their loss not yours.


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TheCynicalSun
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16 Dec 2009, 12:22 am

intense wrote:
I would imagine most Aspie's can relate to this - when people have treated you badly and stabbed you in the back so many times it's no wonder you find it hard if not impossible to trust people.
What I do is give them 2 strikes and their out, if they do something nasty once and apologize for it they get a second chance, if they don't apologize at all they're out right away - if they do something nasty to me and apologize but then go on to do another nasty thing to me they're out for good.
I find this 2 strikes and your out system works very well for me - for years I would let people walk all over me but you will find that sadly if you behave like doormat some people will treat you like a doormat.

I always start off expecting people to turn nasty but until they do I think you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and leave yourself open to possible attack - in a way that's good because you quickly find out who the genuine people are. I have been surprised by how long people can hold out before they show you their true colors though so it takes me many years before I let myself really trust them.

There are no easy answers to this - just don't allow people treat you badly only give them a few chances and if the screw up then it's their loss not yours.



I use to give the benefit of the doubt. I use to give people strikes.
Now I just push farther and father away. I don't want to get close to get hurt again.



intense
Toucan
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Joined: 9 Jul 2008
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16 Dec 2009, 4:43 am

I know how you feel - the thing is there are genuinely good people out in the world and if you push everyone away you'll probably miss out on meeting them.


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gnatterfly
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16 Dec 2009, 11:23 am

My family has done that to me consistantly my whole life.
I was Home schooled and emotionally abused with no escape.
My Mom refused to believe that there was anything "Different" about me...until she had two sons with her 2nd husband who are blatantly Autistic.
Now she's little miss sensitive..well...to them at least. She picks on my older sister for being an Aspie behind her back, and me as well.
They blame me of pushing away and being a "Bad Daughter," but I say f**k them! I know she's the only Mum I have, but I want to be as far away from her evil vibes and pretend-nice back stabbing nature as possible.
I too question the motives of "nice" or "helpful" people. And I feel weird when co-workers who ignore me, suddenly ask me a question...it's distressing...