What, exactly, is 'creepy'

Post Reply New Topic

Me. Just try to be like me if you want to be creepy.

Anything that crosses other peoples boundaries is creepy.
Not being creepy involves awareness (which ik can be a challenge for some of us) and respect for other's boundaries.

I have been told that I can pull off creepy very well and I have surmised that creepy could be unexpected in an unusual way, mismatching or outside the greatest majority in a given context or situation. That being said I believe that what is creepy to one is different to another, similar to beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

I worked with a guy who gave the ladies in the office the creeps. I do think he had undiagnosed Aspergers (I'm pretty confident about it).

Here are some of the things that he did, which caused us all to feel like that:
- On his first day at work, he took a framed photo from his briefcase and placed it on his desk. When he was asked if it was his girlfriend, he told us that she was a TV actress. The guy was in his late 40s - stalker alert
- The briefcase was off putting too. People kept saying, 'What does he keep in it?' He was a clerical assistant, so would not be taking any work home. Other guys in his position had no bag or maybe a rucksack, containing a packed lunch. I don't think anyone thought he had a gun, but they thought it was odd. He was obviously trying to look professional, but that was overkill.
- He wrote a 7 page letter to a woman in the office, apologising for an error he had made at work. It looked like a love letter and the envelope had been sealed with sealing wax.
- He brought in a catalogue, containing Victorian style ornamants and clothing. He pointed to a nightgown and said I'd look nice in it. He went on and on about it's shape enhancing properties, etc and I was really embarrassed. I know he wasn't trying to come on to me, but I would only expect my husband to talk to me about such things.

Worst of all, I was his supervisor and had to take him aside each time he did anything that worried us. Those are specific instances, but his appearance was quite unusual too. He had a handle bar moustache, like a WW2 RAF pilot and he wore a waistcoat/vest, the kind that anglers wear. I can't say there was anything about the way he spoke or looked at others that creeped us out, it really was his appearance and the things he did.

I think I probably qualify as creepy. There are several people in my office who seem nervous in my company and I don't know why they are reacting like that to me. They seem like well adjusted people so I think it must be me. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm making too much or too little eye contact.. Also, I have to consciously arrange my face a lot of the time or my expressions will be inappropriate to the conversation. So maybe I'm not doing a very good job at that.
Frankly, it's exhausting.

I saw this article posted recently and remembered this recent thread: link
Some relevant sections from the article:
"People feel uncomfortable -- to the point of experiencing chills -- when they’re around creepy people, a new study confirms. Researchers believe an inability to correctly mimic nonverbal cues, such as hand gestures and eye contact, makes someone creepy."
"When people violate social norms, our bodies react with chills. Feeling cold is linked to a threat such as being forgotten (think left out in the cold") and the region of the brain that controls goosebumps also regulates feelings of trust and betrayal. The chills warn that something is off about a person who cannot follow social norms."

So there you have it, an article (about a research study) that might scientifically start to answer your question.

The article continues on with some related points: people who are excluded and lonely also end up feeling colder (perhaps explaining increase in social anxiety after being away for people too long), there is such thing as too much or too little mimicry in a job interview setting, and there are possibly different levels of mimicry expected based on the relationship (social class, race, etc.) present in any situation. So... "'We are surrounded by people day in and day out and we’re building up this bank of information about what sort of nonverbal behavior is linked to certain cues. We all get some intuitive sense for it.'" Best of luck .