When my friend interprets what I say a critical... and I am

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just trying to express my feeling/reaction about something... we end up clashing. She thinks I am being critical and hurtful on purpose and that is not my intent at all. I then get the silent treatment- which I HATE. When I express myself I try to use I statements, etc. and give an example or two and yet it can be perceived by her as being critical. I know that that is probably going to happen now and again.... but critical is not what my intent was.... I was trying to explain my perspective- perhaps badly- but that was my intent. I would never knowingly hurt her in that way. I hate it when these miscommunications occur. I hate it when she doesn't believe that I meant know harm. and it takes her awhile to de-escalate when these misunderstandings occur- even if I apologize for my role in it. It hurts me however to be accused of doing it on purpose and thinking I can do so whenever I want and not be accountable for it. And then the silent treatment.... when she knows I hate it and that it hurts me more than the accusation. How do I get her to understand that I mean no malice in what I say. And if I did inadvertantly hurt her that she needs to let me know in a constructive manner... and one I can understand. We both hate these events in our friendship and I would give anything to be able to nip them in the bud before they happen. I don't want her to hurt either. Any ideas or steps I should be taking or things she could be doing as well?

Hi, I'm an Aspie who is guilty of giving people the silent treatment in the past even though I hate being on the receiving end of the silent treatment. Let me try to explain what I'm thinking when I mete out the silent treatment, although I'm afraid that your friend probably thinks differently from me.

1. Some people have "sore spots". If you hit their "sore spots" through your words or actions, you offend them.
2. I don't really know how to phrase this... Let me try... Most "sore spots" are really irrational. That's why people hate divulging what their "sore spots" are.
3. Let me try giving you a 100% imaginary example... Let's say my sore spot is "people who dye their hair pink". Let us assume that you are a friend of mine who has dyed your hair pink one day. You have offended me by doing so, so what should I do?
4. The ideal situation is that I explain to you how you have offended me so that you will understand why I seem so annoyed whenever I meet you, but if I explain to you, I will end up divulging one of my "sore spots" to you.
5. You might end up telling me how irrational my prejudice against pink hair is, making me seem like a fool. Even worse, maybe you might use my "sore spot" against me one day, such as encouraging other friends of mine to dye their hair pink so as to annoy me even further.
6. Instead of explaining my "sore spot" to you, I give you the silent treatment.

To people who give others the silent treatment: You might derive some pleasure in the short run when you witness how your silence makes others squirm but trust me, pleasure that originates from sadism won't last long. Anger expressed through passive aggressive ways such as the silent treatment is still anger. People who get angry hurt themselves more heavily than the people that they hurt with their anger.