How do I socialize on the internet?

Post Reply New Topic

I have no idea what to say in words on the internet to be socially or tactfully skilled and I find it hard to watch everything I say for not offending somebody. Are there some resources or guides, online, that deal with online socialization. Also what about general courtesy tips for example using forum search functions.

I have nothing to say to sustain an online forum conversation. What am I supposed to say and act online? Is anybody more likely to be bullied online than in real life or vice versa?

I'm unfamiliar with any good guides that explain internet etiquette, but my own experience is that you can sort of walk a safe path in your online interactions when you mainly stick with using it for information exchange. By that, I mean that I've always used message boards, private messages, comment sections, chat rooms, for the purpose of finding like-minded people and exchanging info with them on my favourite topics. Yes, sometimes we'd crack jokes with each other, sometimes we'd talk about real life stuff, but I kept in mind the specific reason for being on any of those topic-themed online resources.
Of course, with the coming of social media, a new factor was introduced to the online experience, and I find it's become an increasingly complicated mess that involves as much drama and masquerading as real life social interaction, which is a shame.

Let's take your example of using search functions on a forum. I'm going to guess that this refers to the tendency of established forum communities to prefer that you search for old threads instead of starting a new thread of your own that has the same topic. This actually varies from message board to message board. There are boards that actually discourage thread bumping, and where you'll be kind of forced to start new threads if you have a particular question or a topic you want to discuss. Then there are boards that encourage you to use the search function to find the kind of thread you're looking for. Usually, their policy can be found somewhere in a 'forum rules' section, so at least there's something of a guideline you can stick by if you want to avoid social faux pas.

I also find it hard to 'keep a discussion going' online. I'm more of a drive by poster; I'll post my thoughts on the topic, possibly quoting a couple of other posters and replying to their thoughts on the matter, but sometimes when they post another reply to my post, I'll find it difficult to know what to say to that. Unless it's a really specific question asking for information or clarification, then I'll usually be able to reply.

The casual chat threads are a lot more difficult for me than the more information-driven threads.

In general, I just try to phrase my posts in a clear and coherent manner, and try not to offend anyone. I figure, if I stick by those tenets, few things can go wrong, and if they do go wrong, I can attempt to explain myself.

Hope that helps just a little.

It all depends on what aspect of the internet you're using to try to socialise.

Are you just wanting to chat to people on forums, or are you using the internet to try and make friends in real life?

I'm just trying to chat to people on forums. I also don't know whether it would be a good idea to join a certain forum or not.

How so? If the forum relates to your interests, then it can only be positive to join it. It's likely that the community will be welcoming and accomodating to you. Of course, there are certain forums that have a bit of a clique-ish community or are abrasive toward new members until those new members enter a 'rite of initiation', but it's not how it;s supposed to go on the average message board.

The way I think of it is first off, in most countries someone under the age of 13 shouldn't be allowed on the net without supervision or locked down to kids-only sites. This site has a lot of ASD individuals, and I saw one post somewhere made by an 11 yr old. That right there tells me to keep things appropriate for children who may be using this site and forums. Other than that the best thing to do is read anything that catches your interest. If your not ready to respond to any posts yet that's ok, just by reading the posts and how other people respond to things are a great way to observe and learn how others respond to things.

You have already taken a first step, you have started this thread within the forum Maybe after you get comfortable in these forums you can try and observe the live chat. i haven't seen it too busy yet but if it is there are social tricks that many can share so it isn't as overwhelming

There are "netiquette" (Internet + etiquette) guides that are often passed around, but I'm unsure how much it will do for you.

http://www.albion.com/netiquette/corerules.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette_in_technology

As a rule of thumb, expect some conflict and don't get dragged into it to try to change someone's mind when they're obviously angry and have their mind made up. There are arguments everywhere on the Internet, not just between people with Autism or Asperger's and NTs. It looks silly when people go back and forth for six pages.

In addition, it's often a good idea to lurk first. Meaning watch a few of the threads to see if people are very polite or use a lot of profanity, if chatspeak seems acceptable or not, etc. Just to get an idea of forum culture.

I lacked the patience to lurk before. I don't understand how to tell what makes a "good" forum culture. I used to go to a forum with lots of profanity and sarcasm, where the moderators were very cliquish. The situation on said forum has gotten a lot better since I came back to it.

I am more prone to offending people online and getting people annoyed and upset with me. I will still get targeted online by some people and ASD people have targeted me too so I know it's a human thing.

I either not post much or not care whenever I post something. It happens to everyone when they all post something and someone gets offended by it, especially if they post in a controversial topic or if you post something that is an unpopular opinion or something that is politically incorrect. I don't pin everything to AS.


I do know for a fact that most people on most forums get annoyed when you bump old topics or make reply after reply in a thread in a row than putting it all in one post, or make lot of threads in short amount of time or make too many posts in one day. It's best to learn from experience since every board is different. I know of one forum that does not allow you to reply to a topic that has not been posted in in a week so it's considered an old topic. Then there is a Murphy Law which is about using a search function. You use it and people get mad because you had bumped an old topic but yet you post a thread and people then go on about how newbies don't use a search first. I wouldn't worry about it. Some things you can't win in and this is everybody.